NROTC MO Essay Finals

tpaine7

Member
Joined
Apr 6, 2020
Messages
89
Last time I will be posting my essays. Both are under the character limit of 2500. I have gotten my point across about my devotion to becoming a commissioned officer in the Corps and the leadership positions I have held. I ask that you take a quick look and give some feedback. I am extremely close to submitting my application for the 2021 scholarship. Thank you again.

Essay #1
Discuss your reasons for wanting to become a Marine Officer. Specifically comment on leadership positions you’ve held, the challenges you have faced and the lessons you have learned:

The Marine Corps is a selfless brotherhood. Instilled in every Marine is a bond that cannot be broken through the harshest depths of hell. My energy and passion qualify me to serve as a commissioned officer in the United States Marine Corps.
I am a varsity football player. I am not the most talented player, but I refuse to quit. It’s my commitment to my brothers on the field. Even in the face of defeat, I fight to the last whistle, not only for myself but for the men around me.
I am a three year varsity swimmer on a team with an ill-qualified head coach. This has brutally tested how far I can to push myself to achieve my goals, and here I learned what it means to lead. Despite losing several races, I pushed on. To demonstrate my commitment I spoke with the coaches before every practice, suggesting areas in which we could improve. I asked what I could do to improve both myself and the team. This improved communication and boosted morale. I will run for captain of the swim team next year to build on this leadership and continue helping others.
Throughout my junior year, our local Marine recruiter led Marine style exercises for interested students. Since I was often the only one there I worried that these workouts would end. I took it upon myself to advertise to my peers and gather students in hope of continuing the workouts.
During this time I established a Military Appreciation and Fitness Club to offer a consistent source of exercise and motivation. I envisioned beginning workouts by reading aloud stories of military members who were awarded the Medal of Honor. This plan hatched immediately before the coronavirus pandemic. School was cancelled, putting the club on hold. Longing to continue the club, I messaged our Marine sponsor about continuing to exercise in smaller groups. The day before our first revised meeting, a stay at home order was issued. I first thought nothing could be done except to exercise on my own. I was correct; however, my ability to motivate others was unaffected. I sent inspirational messages to my peers, encouraging them to discover new ways to challenge themselves. I participate along with them, which in turn continues to motivate. I don’t ask something of my peers I’m not willing to do myself.
My daily choices reflect my character strengths of confidence, integrity, accountability, commitment, communication and problem solving. I will step up to the plate and pursue my dream of becoming an Officer in the United States Marine Corps.

Essay #2

How might your background and experiences enhance the U.S. Marine Corps? Limit: 2500 Characters.

My father, a former Marine Corps Captain, instilled a discipline in me and passion for the Marines from a young age. I possess a strong work ethic and integrity that enhance my skills as a leader. I am able to find quick solutions to problems under stress. I step forward when others are stepping back. I am not afraid of the challenge to earn the title of United States Marine.
Throughout my career as a student I have taken many Honors and AP courses. I am able to overcome the obstacles put in front of me and cope with the load. Throughout these rigorous classes I have maintained a GPA above 3.6. I have learned to think critically and sharpen my skills as a learner. I am able to quickly process material presented to me and apply it to my thinking. Presentations and speeches have greatly improved my confidence and communication skills. I will be taking 4 more AP courses along with advanced German my senior year to further improve my critical thinking, problem solving, and writing skills.
I am the president and founder of my high school’s Military Appreciation and Fitness Club. During the school closures I continue to motivate my peers through social media with daily inspiring messages. I utilize texts challenging my friends to stay active and on top of their academics. A good leader continues to motivate and finds solutions when obstacles are presented. I will continue doing this until I am able to in person.
I am a multi sport varsity athlete. I am able to overcome the barriers put in front of me, mentally and physically. Through sports my character as a leader has been tested and strengthened, quitting is not and will never be an option. Through football and swimming my mental strength has flourished, pushing through and overcoming obstacles when my body is tired and aching; a strength many teenagers lack. My will to succeed will never be broken.
Although athletics and academics are time consuming, I still made volunteering a priority. I have consistently volunteered at Horses for Hope for over 3 years, spreading bark for horse trails and operating a special needs carnival. During the Covid-19 pandemic, I have had more time to volunteer and give back to my community. As of now, I work with Meals on Wheels delivering premade meals to those in need. These experiences have taught me to be selfless.
Throughout my history I have built and fortified my skills as a leader. It would be my greatest honor to be a leader of Marines.
 
I think your essays are very good and they paint a clear picture of your character and motivation. The only thing I can think to add is how your personal leadership style has worked to motivate your teammates, especially younger teammates. Maybe you could weave that in and cut back on the academic summary since that will be clear from your transcripts. Just a thought -- Nice work!
 
I agree that the essays are good. Question - why are you submitting the application so early? Would it make more sense to continue to polish it and make sure that you have all of the important details captured in the application. The 1st Board is in November and you don't get any bonus points for submitting the application before the 1st Board deadline.

Are you ready for your PFT? Plan for Standardized tests (I know that is a big unknown now), spoken to your references? Just a few questions. Great job so far.
 
I agree that the essays are good. Question - why are you submitting the application so early? Would it make more sense to continue to polish it and make sure that you have all of the important details captured in the application. The 1st Board is in November and you don't get any bonus points for submitting the application before the 1st Board deadline.

Are you ready for your PFT? Plan for Standardized tests (I know that is a big unknown now), spoken to your references? Just a few questions. Great job so far.

My local recruiter has told me it’s still good to have it in early, as well as my father. I do agree with you though, I think it’s early, but as of now I should take my recruiters word, no?

Anyways, I still partake in PT with the poolees on Thursdays. As of now I run 3-5 miles everyday, do chest and back workouts (I am able to do over 20 pull ups) and crunches have never been an issue for me. I have asked my recruiter if his higher ups would allow him to record my PFT, still no answer. As for testing, I have no clue.
 
I think your essays are very good and they paint a clear picture of your character and motivation. The only thing I can think to add is how your personal leadership style has worked to motivate your teammates, especially younger teammates. Maybe you could weave that in and cut back on the academic summary since that will be clear from your transcripts. Just a thought -- Nice work!

Yeah man totally agree with you. I’ll see if I can figure something out, character limits are just another obstacle.
 
My local recruiter has told me it’s still good to have it in early, as well as my father. I do agree with you though, I think it’s early, but as of now I should take my recruiters word, no?

Anyways, I still partake in PT with the poolees on Thursdays. As of now I run 3-5 miles everyday, do chest and back workouts (I am able to do over 20 pull ups) and crunches have never been an issue for me. I have asked my recruiter if his higher ups would allow him to record my PFT, still no answer. As for testing, I have no clue.

That makes sense. I think the MO Boards are first in first reviewed, so I can't argue with that. Good Luck!
 
Back
Top