Hello community,
I am currently applying for the Marine Option NROTC scholarship, and I would GREATLY appreciate brutally honest feedback on my first draft of the essay, also could this be incorporated into the second prompt ( How might your background and experiences enhance the U.S. Marine Corps?).
1. Discuss your reasons for wanting to become a Marine Officer. Specifically comment on leadership positions you've held, the challenges you have faced and the lessons you have learned. (Limit 2500 characters)
When I think of a leader, I think of someone who is a role model to others. I think of someone who has the respect of not only his peers, but his superiors. I think of someone who sets an example. I think of someone who puts others before himself. I think of a Marine. I want to be an officer in the Marine Corps for these reasons, but perhaps the most valuable reason of all, is to lead other marines. Furthermore, I want to use the opportunity of being an officer to forward myself into the medical field, and eventually trauma surgery for the military to help other soldiers.
I’ve held the leadership position of captain on my wrestling team last year, and I helped motivate my team into the section dual finals. I did this by taking the initiative to tell my team to focus on what the group as a whole could do, not get pinned. Most of my team did not think we could beat the team we had to wrestle in the dual to make it to the finals, and I knew that I would have to set an example of what I had just said to them if we were going to succeed, not only with the current dual, but in the finals. Once it was my match, I knew if I got pinned we would have probably lost. I had to wrestle up a weight class and I was 15 pounds underweight compared to the guy I wrestled, I didn’t think I was going to win, but I knew I wasn’t going to get pinned despite what my team was thinking. I was put on my back for about 2 minutes in a painful arm bar, but I didn’t give up the pin. I was choked out for about 15 straight seconds almost passing out, but I didn’t give up the pin. When the match was over we beat the team by only a few team points. When I was in that match I knew that it was going to be a challenge to not get pinned. I knew almost everybody thought I was going to get pinned, and I knew I wasn’t going to give up and take the easy way out, letting my team down in the end. We made it into the finals, and even though we lost to a better team, I could see that every single one of my teammates gave everything they had to stay off his back, just like I did. At the end of the day, my coaches came to me and told me how much they respected what I told the team, and the example I set for them in my match. Ultimately, I learned that taking the initiative to be a leader can have a great outcome in the end.
I believe that I am more than capable to be a great leader in the finest military branch in the world, serving my country, and perhaps the most important of all, helping others.
I am currently applying for the Marine Option NROTC scholarship, and I would GREATLY appreciate brutally honest feedback on my first draft of the essay, also could this be incorporated into the second prompt ( How might your background and experiences enhance the U.S. Marine Corps?).
1. Discuss your reasons for wanting to become a Marine Officer. Specifically comment on leadership positions you've held, the challenges you have faced and the lessons you have learned. (Limit 2500 characters)
When I think of a leader, I think of someone who is a role model to others. I think of someone who has the respect of not only his peers, but his superiors. I think of someone who sets an example. I think of someone who puts others before himself. I think of a Marine. I want to be an officer in the Marine Corps for these reasons, but perhaps the most valuable reason of all, is to lead other marines. Furthermore, I want to use the opportunity of being an officer to forward myself into the medical field, and eventually trauma surgery for the military to help other soldiers.
I’ve held the leadership position of captain on my wrestling team last year, and I helped motivate my team into the section dual finals. I did this by taking the initiative to tell my team to focus on what the group as a whole could do, not get pinned. Most of my team did not think we could beat the team we had to wrestle in the dual to make it to the finals, and I knew that I would have to set an example of what I had just said to them if we were going to succeed, not only with the current dual, but in the finals. Once it was my match, I knew if I got pinned we would have probably lost. I had to wrestle up a weight class and I was 15 pounds underweight compared to the guy I wrestled, I didn’t think I was going to win, but I knew I wasn’t going to get pinned despite what my team was thinking. I was put on my back for about 2 minutes in a painful arm bar, but I didn’t give up the pin. I was choked out for about 15 straight seconds almost passing out, but I didn’t give up the pin. When the match was over we beat the team by only a few team points. When I was in that match I knew that it was going to be a challenge to not get pinned. I knew almost everybody thought I was going to get pinned, and I knew I wasn’t going to give up and take the easy way out, letting my team down in the end. We made it into the finals, and even though we lost to a better team, I could see that every single one of my teammates gave everything they had to stay off his back, just like I did. At the end of the day, my coaches came to me and told me how much they respected what I told the team, and the example I set for them in my match. Ultimately, I learned that taking the initiative to be a leader can have a great outcome in the end.
I believe that I am more than capable to be a great leader in the finest military branch in the world, serving my country, and perhaps the most important of all, helping others.
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