parent involvement with application

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by zachserna7, Nov 20, 2013.

  1. Christcorp

    Christcorp 10-Year Member

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    As always, there's a difference between "Helping" and "Doing". If your son/daughter do their application, essays, etc... and you "Review, critique, etc...", then that's "Helping". That is a good thing. If you put "Pen to Paper"; or in today's world "Finger to Keyboard", then that is "Doing". That is not good.

    And I know how difficult that line can be. Did my son have some advantages having me review his application? Yes. Just like a high school student might have an advantage if their parent also happens to be a teacher. I was able to keep my son on target because I knew already what had to be done in the application process. I knew the advantages of getting the application done early. I knew what the academy was looking for in their essays, CFA, and application. I had been working with and assisting ALO's for a number of year.

    But in the end, I didn't do the CFA for him. I didn't do his essays. I didn't fill out his applications. (For the academy or ANY of the other schools he applied to). Did I keep him focused? Yes. Did I badger him to sit down and do the essay or portion of the application NOW and not procrastinate? Yes. But that is no different than what any parent does; or SHOULD do; when making sure their kids are doing their homework, reports, preparing for finals, etc... But the minute a parent types, writes, etc... they've crossed the line to "DOING" instead of "HELPING".
     
  2. MedB

    MedB Parent

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    Christcorp,

    That is exactly where we drew the line as well. Our DS (2017), and now DD (2018), have written every word, scheduled every appointment, filled out every form, made every phonecall, etc.

    Our role was to advise... nag.... encourage... nag... celebrate.... nag... (gotta love teenagers! :shake: ).

    I think your post is totally spot-on and hopefully where most families land.
     
  3. LineInTheSand

    LineInTheSand USCGA 2006 10-Year Member

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    What you're describing is not a "helicopter parent."
     
  4. Packer

    Packer 5-Year Member

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    I am relieved! I was getting worried about me for a while!:thumb:
     
  5. Bullet

    Bullet 10-Year Member

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    Oh, THANK GOODNESS! I was sincerley concerned that I was somehow associated with anything that had the word "helicopter" in it. Heaven forbid! :eek:

    //ducks, in the anticipation of the return fire from Scout and Ramius// :biggrin:
     
  6. EDelahanty

    EDelahanty 5-Year Member

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    When you don't allow a child to do things for himself or herself, it's not merely disgraceful, it's sheer negligence. Sure, they may make some mistakes, but as the old saying goes, even a journey of a thousand miles often begins with a stumble, followed by a curse.

    I'm not one to brag, and when I do so, it's with a show of reluctance. But we demonstrated superior parenting skills a long time ago when we successfully and forcefully cut the strings. As soon as I thought he could handle it, I gave our son "the lecture".

    "Son, you're a big boy now and your parents won't always be around. So, from now on, you'll be cutting your own steak, tying your own shoelaces, and wiping yourself when you make a doody. Here's a fifty, and don't be late for your first class at college tomorrow."

    Whether or not you change the locks is up to you. Every family has its own dynamics.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2013
  7. Packer

    Packer 5-Year Member

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    Man, I never got a fifty or even a five. What's up with that?:eek:
     
  8. Freda'sMom

    Freda'sMom 5-Year Member

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    It doesn't say that, lol.

    The quote is:

    "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." (Loa-tzu)

    :thumb:
     
  9. Christcorp

    Christcorp 10-Year Member

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    Where I see a problem; not to drift too far from the subject; is that some parents did a "Crappy" job raising their kids from the beginning. You can't complain about your 16 year old being promiscuous or in trouble all the time if you didn't raise them correctly with proper discipline when they were 6 years old. Same goes with; you can't expect a 17 year old to be responsible and independent with their decisions and choices, if you didn't allow them to make applicable/appropriate decisions when they were 7 years old. (And increasing responsibilities as they grow older).

    The "True" helo parents that I have come in contact with, showed that they obviously had either a "Power/Control Trip" or over protective of their children, their ENTIRE LIVES. As such; these parents probably had to be Helo's. If not, their rug-rat of a child probably would walk into walls or off cliffs if they had to think for themselves.

    [​IMG]
     
  10. kinnem

    kinnem Moderator 5-Year Member

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    I didn't get a fifty either, but I did manage $40 whenever I went home for a weekend. I respected my parents' wishes. About an hour before I left to go back to school my Dad slipped me a $20 and told me not to tell my mom. About 30 minutes before I left to go back to school my Mom slipped me a $20 and told me not to tell my dad. Did I say I respected my parents' wishes? :biggrin:
     
  11. Christcorp

    Christcorp 10-Year Member

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    +1000

    Reminds me of when my sister and I were about 7 years old. We'd visit our great grandmother. (From the old country - Italy). When we came to visit, she'd give us each a dollar. But being 90+ years old, her memory wasn't so good. If we went out the back door to go play, and came back in the front door, she'd forget and give us each another dollar. Of course, being 7, we got greedy. About the 4th or 5th time of doing this, she asked my mom and grandmother if they would loan her $2 so she could give her great grandchildren a dollar. My mom and grandmother told her "You already gave them money". Shiite hit the fan when mom saw me and my sister with $4-$5 EACH in our hands. LOL!!! Oh the good old memories.
     
  12. Jayceguy

    Jayceguy Jayceguy

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    My parents hardly knew about the application process, and I finished 4 academy apps and 2 rotc apps by myself. Much easier.

    Sent using the Service Academy Forums® mobile app
     
  13. LineInTheSand

    LineInTheSand USCGA 2006 10-Year Member

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    Case rested!
     
  14. MedB

    MedB Parent

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    Ok you win. Some people are capable of doing things all on their own with no help, guidance or training. Absolutely true.

    But one word of advice: Don't judge the many by the few... you won't like where that leads in either direction.
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2013
  15. Jayceguy

    Jayceguy Jayceguy

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    If a senior in high school can't handle the apps by himself, he is not going to be able to handle an academy. At least that's how I see it.

    Sent using the Service Academy Forums® mobile app
     
  16. USMCGrunt

    USMCGrunt 5-Year Member

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    Jayceguy- without having attended an academy, you really have no idea what it will take to handle the academy experience.
     
  17. 24601

    24601 Member

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    If you were able to do all of that on your own as a senior, good for you. For the rest, the application process begins earlier about midway junior year. Unless you're an emancipated minor, help and guidance comes in very handy. It may be a stretch to claim that there's no help involved but in reality, there's a lot of support from different people other than parents to get from applicant to an appointee. I am very thankful that there was that solid support behind me and I disagree with your generalization. I didn't do my application all on my own but I'm thriving 2758 feet above sea level. Much..much higher than WP or Annapolis:)
    I thank my mom and dad and all the other people who helped me because I wouldn't be where I am today without them.
     
  18. LineInTheSand

    LineInTheSand USCGA 2006 10-Year Member

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    But he is correct, if you can't handle an application to the school on your own, you're in for a very rough ride.

    That said, I would suspect the applicants are far more capable than many of their parents are prepared to admit. That's on the parent, not the kid who won't say no for the help.
     
  19. icarus

    icarus Member

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    Cutting the umbilical cord and fending for yourself earlier than others may make you feel entitled to deem who is correct or not. As others have stated, there's no single correct approach. What worked for you may not for some one else. Anyone who is self righteous enough to say their way or the highway has blinders or just full of themselves. The first thing they beat out of you is individuality as soon as you show up for inprocessing. Emphasis on teamwork and reliance on others is key to success at a SA.
     
  20. Pima

    Pima 10-Year Member

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    I find this interesting because many, at least on the AF side will say that the majority of ALO's want to meet the parents too. They know that part of this process is the support system within the family.

    As I stated previously, I don't know the peer circles, or the posts that you are getting this idea from, but I really have not seen parents posting can you please read my DS/DD's essay, or can you chance my kid?

    I am not disagreeing, I think kids should do this on their own, but I am just not seeing these helo parents at a level you are seeing and talking about.
    ~ To be brutally honest, I think it is more common from the traditional college application perspective, but not the SA/ROTC perspective.

    OBTW, we did not assist our DS at all because he had an amazing ALO, thus we were hands off except for going with him to his DoDMERB physical, and driving the 4 hrs each way for his MOC interviews.