Parent Notification

[Maplerock]

Just wondering how often you guys check the portals for updates on your DS or DD's applications. Back when my first son applied we were on pins and needles, just waiting for the postman to deliver news, whether it be good or bad. The second son entered the process about the time the parent organization started a forum to keep everyone updated.

Now we have these wonderful forums and cell phones, skype, and other means to stay connected.

How often do you or your candidate check the portal or the forum for updates?

 

[CannotBeDisplayed]

My parents don't really check it. Either they don't remember to or they don't have the time (they both work full-time). I check all of mine every day or so, occasionally skipping a day. USMA is currently taking most of my time because I'm still working on finishing the Candidate Statements. My USAFA app has been finished for a few weeks, USNA just needs my BGO to submit his evaluation, and USMA just needs the statements.

I also check DoDMERB daily because I am still being reviewed.

My parents are very supportive, but they don't like to read any of my things without me being there with them.

 

[payitforward]

When DS was applying, I listened when he needed my help with something, cheered when he reported good news, held him up when he revealed disappointing news, and suggested research options when the disappointing news indicated a move to his Plan B.

I had no passwords for checking portals. He was the owner of the accounts.

 

[JShawshank]

We technically never check the portal b/c, like payitforward, don't have DS's passwords. However, we do ask about updates every few days at this point since we are in the nom interview and notification period....

 

[gmemgoch]

I don't check my DS's portal, don't know his passwords, don't even know what the screen looks like. I also don't open his mail. This is HIS journey, I am along for the ride. I do ask him now and then for updates, and ask him how I can support him along the way. That's not to say, that I haven't been on the edge of my seat going crazy with anticipation when the mail comes and it has to wait several hours until late evening for him to get home after wrestling before he has a chance to open things! The memory of him opening his envelope containing the LOA is forever stored in my heart, as he was complete caught by surprise. If I had opened that envelope, it would have been a bummer for him.

 

[MedB]

We are on our second time around now (DS and now DD), and for both of them I can honestly say we never looked at their portals once, nor opened a piece of mail. Honestly wouldn't even know what the link was for the portal.

That being said... We've done our fair share of "nagging" and asking them what the latest was/is. Guilty.

 

[Tigger]

Only checked my DDs portal once when she was at NWP and needed to know if something had been submitted and asked for my help. Until then I had never checked and after I checked I promptly forgot her password. I never opened her mail unless she was away and asked me to open for her.

I am supportive but also respectful of her privacy and that this is her responsibility. Happy to help when she asks for it and cheer her on but I don't nag In general kids don't like or respond to nagging just like parents don't like or respond to whining

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[USNA02]

Confession Time

I have to confess, I checked DSs portals for AFA and NROTC a couple of times and for all the wrong reasons.

DS has done this process on his own. I have been cheerleader, sounding board when asked, proofreader when asked, etc.

And then the LOA came. I didn't open it. Wasn't even quite sure what it was because it looked suspiciously like a TWE but it was only October! It was a Friday night. DS was out on a date when I went to the mailbox so I called him and he came right home. I will never forget watching him open, read, and process what it meant.

So here's the confession part. I got greedy. Not DS. Me. I couldn't shake the sense of well surely AFA and NROTC want him too. So I checked . Two, maybe three times. What I was doing was wrong on so many awful levels in my mind that I was riddled with guilt and have not checked since.

He has heard nothing from either of those two. He does check regularly as he should.

Last week he received his appointment letter to the USNA. As a mom, do I still think he should be wanted by everyone he applies to? Sure, but the feelings of guilt were too strong and the excitement of watching him open the LOA or call me at work with a voice positively shaking to tell me he had received a NOM and later come home to find the Appointment package leaning against the front floor are priceless memories.

As we wait for word from AFA, NROTC, and his civilian college choices, I won't check again. This is his journey and I am just along for the ride.

 

[USNA02]

Confession Time

Sorry, duplicate post.

 

[Invisibility]

My parents helped when I asked for help, and my application was certainly stronger because of them. They also signed on the dotted line repeatedly. My mom helped me with interview attire and my dad drove me to the interviews. That was it. They never once checked my portal--didn't know the link, didn't know the password, didn't need to know. They did ask me a few times as March approached when I'd hear something. Being who I am, I appreciated it. It wouldn't have been the way to do it for everyone, but it was for me.

 

[DadOfSwags]

I only saw DS' s portal screen over his shoulder once or twice when I happened to wander by him on the computer, and once when he actually asked for help to interpret some text around a deadline. Other than that he'd just verbally convey status to us. I don't think my wife ever saw his portal. Generally it is good to leave the management of the application process to your DS or DD. As others have said here, it is theirs to own. Also it will set the habit of you getting out of helicopter mode -- after probably having been in it for the past 12+ years-- because, truthfully, you will have ZERO visibility and ZERO ability to aid and advocate for your loved one once they report for R-Day or I-Day. They are really on their own administratively way beyond what a typical college kid encounters. And ultimately they may as well develop proven chops for negotiating byzantine processes now.... it will be a definite factor of academy and military life. Spend your time cheering and consoling and nodding as needed, now and after they report. Good luck.

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[Jayceguy]

+1 to gmemgoch. Don't be a helo parent. Your DS or DD should be capable of handling this by themselves.

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[egri]

My parents never checked my portal. They didn't have the password, and didn't need them. Their involvement in my application process consisted of helping me practice for the interviews, proofreading my essays, and driving me to and from the interviews. That was all that I needed, and really all I wanted. To have had more than that would have been a little bit overbearing.

 

[mjm]

Like other parents on here I do not know what the links or passwords are for my DS's portals for his various applications. I will confess;however, that when a letter came to our house in mid August from the Dept of the Navy I was curious. I could not understand why they would send him a letter. My DS was away at pre-season XC camp so I opened it. I was shocked to read the letter and posted to this forum and found out that it was an LOA. My husband and I read it 10 times to make sure there was no "fine print".

It was my DS's birthday when we picked him up the next day ... I told him happy birthday and gave him the letter. He read it and jumped for joy and had a huge smile on his face... His teammates said they had never seen our DS show that much emotion ... and they have know him for 12 years!

it was a priceless moment that my husband and I will never forget!

 

[oldcorpsdad]

When my DS said he was interested in applying my wife and I made a deal. I could help him if he asked but if he couldn’t figure out how to navigate the process and get himself in, he didn’t belong there. I never checked his portal. There were a few instances where he excitedly called us over to show us as things turned green or he received notifications. I signed where it was needed while he was under 18. I have classmates whose kids are still recovering from horrible wounds from the wars. Another grad down the hall from me had his daughter marry a Grad. He had his right arm and leg blown off by an IED. He lived. The guy down the hall regrets everyday that he kept encouraging his SIL to get into the fight. The choices need to be theirs. It is their life. You may have given it to them, but its theirs now to decide what to do with it and live with the ramifications. My DS is doing great in his Cow year. I secretly dread next year when he picks his post and branch. I am very very proud of what he has done and know he will continue to do great. All the skill, training and preparation in the world don’t do any good on the battlefield if you are in the wrong place at the wrong time. Be proud of what they are doing, support them, set them up for success, but make them be the ones who do it.

 

[katcali]

When we were waiting for my DD's appointment I did check the portal often. My DD is absolutely fine with this and gave me the go ahead. This is my DD journey but we are going along for the wild ride as well.

I did not open DD's mail I did not want to take the excitement away from her. I am guilty in that I did hold the nom letter up to the sunlight to read it.

 

[Rlee]

Katcali- I can identify with you completely! Each family has a different set of norms, but my DS would wonder who I was if I did not get in the action. I have held a letter up to the light!

 

[Heyriddle]

Katcali- I can identify with you completely! Each family has a different set of norms, but my DS would wonder who I was if I did not get in the action. I have held a letter up to the light!

I've done that too, I confess. DS was at practice and wasn't going to be home for hours...and I couldn't wait. I sure did act surprised though when he opened his congressional nomination letter.


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[FlyBoy1993]

When we were waiting for my DD's appointment I did check the portal often. My DD is absolutely fine with this and gave me the go ahead. This is my DD journey but we are going along for the wild ride as well.

I did not open DD's mail I did not want to take the excitement away from her. I am guilty in that I did hold the nom letter up to the sunlight to read it.

same here.

It was DS's show. NEVER opened the mail for the exact same reasons.

 

[RSR]

These last few posts make me feel a lot better. I took the shade off of a lamp to read the letter. However I did act really surprised when he came home from practice and opened it!