Parents with exceptionally resilient and successful kids do these 7 things

[Twins4us]

Boy Howdy!

It's like every time I go to a wedding and the pastor/preacher/rabbi/priest starts describing marriage. I feel like a lousy husband. Thank goodness Mrs cb7893 never had such high expectations.

The "grooms cake" at my wedding said, "Poor Mrs Twins4us, Lucky Twins4us"...supplied by my parents. I was also once told by a former MLB player, after my wife and I met him, that I surely batted out of my league. Oh the confidence boosters that one sees along the journey.

 

[Capt MJ]

DH and I know we have been married a long time when we can’t look at each other when the officiant seems to waxing a tad too lyrical about wedded bliss. If we looked at each other, we know we’d start laughing.

 

[usafcellist2026]

I definitely do not believe in #6, and I do think it is detrimental to our kids. All coaches in DS's sport, and he will be playing at USAFA, hate the early specialization, and promote the good ol' sand lot/pick up game as one of the best skill developers and a way to dodge burnout.

This I agree with on a level. As a musician, I see all of these child prodigies who can play better than I at the age of 7 than me at 16. Then I think, they must get incredibly bored or pressured to keep playing as others see their talent.

I started on violin in 5th grade, and my parents were extremely involved in my lessons. Sat on the couch and watched, filmed, and took notes on my assignments I was supposed to do. I never really liked that structure, so I soon came to dread lessons (I loved my teacher, don't get me wrong), it was more my parents pushing me into it. I never made it past 2nd violin, and I never wanted to practice. I always have been interested in the cello, and I was begging my parents to let me switch. Finally, right before the end of 7th grade they let me rent a cello and found a teacher my violin teacher recommended.

From the moment I picked up my cello, I knew it was the one for me. It was frustrating at first since technique was different from violin, but I was determined. My parents were nowhere near as involved with my cello lessons as they were for violin, and they never forced me to practice or work on my assignments. It was all on my own.

This freedom with my musical interests has gotten me to where I am today, it's what's gotten me through the past year and it's something I want to continue in my life. Since then I've picked up two other instruments on my own, and I love them both.

Do not push your kids into something they don't want to do, even if they're a child prodigy. Only if it's something they're passionate about then support them in every way you can.

 

[FrauTeufelshund]

So I joined this "incoming freshmen parents group" at the university my son will attend this fall. Some of the posts are informative, others, like this one, cringeworthy! lol
_____________
"QUESTION: What is the best advice for incoming parents to focus on between May and August?
ANSWER: If they haven't already done these things alone, now is the time to practice:
1. Get their own gas
2. Grocery shopping by themselves and use the reward card for that store.. and coupons!
3. How to put air in their tires
4. General car basics for very cold and snowy conditions.
5. Basic cooking skills (if applicable).
6. How to clean a bathroom properly.
7. Basic sewing skills. Buttons, rips, hemming
8. How to make their own doctor/dental appts.
9. What to do if they lock themselves out of their dorm/apt.
10. Pre-load important numbers and addresses in their phone. Doctors, Dentists, Auto repair, locksmith, pharmacy, etc.
10. Make a photocopy, front and back of everything they keep in their wallet, including gift cards. Make sure you have a copy too.
11. Have them keep a spare key/key fob somewhere safe. Maybe keep one for yourself also.
12. Creating 2 sets of passwords... one for important stuff, one for trivial, ie, social media.
13. A conversation on how to recognize if someone has drank too much and is exhibiting concerning signs. What to do and not do. And when its time to get help."
________________

How on earth did I ever make it not only through college but survive half of a century without my parents pretty much not showing / doing any of this with me? What happened to learning things on your own? Maybe even learning things the hard way?

 

[unkown1961]

So I joined this "incoming freshmen parents group" at the university my son will attend this fall. Some of the posts are informative, others, like this one, cringeworthy! lol
_____________
"QUESTION: What is the best advice for incoming parents to focus on between May and August?
ANSWER: If they haven't already done these things alone, now is the time to practice:
1. Get their own gas
2. Grocery shopping by themselves and use the reward card for that store.. and coupons!
3. How to put air in their tires
4. General car basics for very cold and snowy conditions.
5. Basic cooking skills (if applicable).
6. How to clean a bathroom properly.
7. Basic sewing skills. Buttons, rips, hemming
8. How to make their own doctor/dental appts.
9. What to do if they lock themselves out of their dorm/apt.
10. Pre-load important numbers and addresses in their phone. Doctors, Dentists, Auto repair, locksmith, pharmacy, etc.
10. Make a photocopy, front and back of everything they keep in their wallet, including gift cards. Make sure you have a copy too.
11. Have them keep a spare key/key fob somewhere safe. Maybe keep one for yourself also.
12. Creating 2 sets of passwords... one for important stuff, one for trivial, ie, social media.
13. A conversation on how to recognize if someone has drank too much and is exhibiting concerning signs. What to do and not do. And when its time to get help."
________________

How on earth did I ever make it not only through college but survive half of a century without my parents pretty much not showing / doing any of this with me? What happened to learning things on your own? Maybe even learning things the hard way?

Nice post. It reminds me of a Parents' Orientation when a mom asked if there were laundry services kids in the dorms could obtain.
The list seems a little passive aggressive - kids should be doing a lot of those in high school - college seems a little late.
And some are head scratching:
- Coupons? Kids are kind of busy in college to sit around and clip & save, plus how many get newspapers?
- Photocopy their wallet's contents? I don't even do that and I certainly don't need a copy of my kids' wallets contents (especially the photocopy of the condom).

My kids' send offs were kind of simple:

• Add them to my credit card, so they can build credit and streamline things so I don't have to pay them for certain things
• Set up Venmo
• Set up Uber
• Let them learn to book their own flights
• Don't accept drinks you didn't see mixed

 

[FrauTeufelshund]

Nice post. It reminds me of a Parents' Orientation when a mom asked if there were laundry services kids in the dorms could obtain.
The list seems a little passive aggressive - kids should be doing a lot of those in high school - college seems a little late.
And some are head scratching:
- Coupons? Kids are kind of busy in college to sit around and clip & save, plus how many get newspapers?
- Photocopy their wallet's contents? I don't even do that and I certainly don't need a copy of my kids' wallets contents (especially the photocopy of the condom).

My kids' send offs were kind of simple:

• Add them to my credit card, so they can build credit and streamline things so I don't have to pay them for certain things
• Set up Venmo
• Set up Uber
• Let them learn to book their own flights
• Don't accept drinks you didn't see mixed

The photocopy of the condom cracked me up. I have never even looked in my kid's wallet, let alone made photocopies of the contents! Almost all of the things on the list are just things you just sort of pick up somehow. I don't even clip coupons!

My kids send off is going to be two parts: "Just don't do anything stupid" and "Figure it out".

 

[Wahoo Fan]

At least to me. #7 seems sort of like a "duh" moment on the list. If you do any number of the things on that list, you're going to see the value of competition and continuous improvement, aren't you?

No, #7 is talking about the pitfall of emphasizing winning as the only acceptable outcome. The result of only valuing winning could be (what I see some sports clubs doing) to play only easier teams and tournaments so that the kids can always win and get trophies and think they are really awesome.
The better way to develop kids is to engage in appropriately difficult competition. Even though winning may not be the outcome all the time, this could potentially result in a higher level or development. So one must always work and strive to win, but then one must also consciously recognize the improvement and development that happened in the midst of loss.