Parents...

parentalunit2 said:
A lovely post, up until this point.



May I present the flip side?

Hey there kid who has never had a parent attend any type of school or sporting event. I see you, acknowledge you, and understand and respect your home situation. Your parent or guardian is working two jobs just to keep a roof over your head and food on the table for you and your siblings. I know that you spent last month living in a motel because the heat in your trailer went out and your scumbag landlord refused to fix it. You are now in a Section 8 apartment and your whole family is so happy for this! With the new location though it is a daily struggle just for you to get to and from school because you now have to switch city bus lines twice and it takes 1.5 hours. And it was so kind of the athletic department to waive your athletic participation fee by scholarship and let you borrow a uniform and equipment so that you can participate in athletics this season. That’s what the lending locker is for! I know that your parent or guardian has to pull a double shift quite often at their minimum wage job so there is no way they can be at an event that starts at 4:30. You are thriving despite your situation and I am so proud of you! But I would never dare to judge your parent or guardian for not being present because I know how hard they need to work just for the basics. Above all, I know that there is no less love for you in your home than I provide to my own children. Only different circumstances.

It may be different where some of you live, but this is a reality for many that attend public school in our district. This is reality for more than one of my son’s teammates.
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Excellent post. I agree with your position.

But in context - that isn’t what was presented by OP and that certainly wasn’t the circumstances that Therese was talking about.

But again, I agree with you in e circumstances you describe. One that my son’s friend had was not having a father and the mother moving her son out of a bad city environment to get an education. There was nothing but love and respect for this kid. Everyone chipped in to help.
 
I know I came out swinging there, and I certainly don't mean it as an attack on Therese or anyone else. I'm guessing most everyone on this board (maybe) knows someone in this type of situation. It's just that there is often so much one-upmanship on this board when it comes to parenting that it can become exhausting. I guess I should just stop reading....

A1Janitor said:
Both types of kids can offer the military different perspectives and leadership.
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So, so true. I love to see it in action!
 
I didn’t take it as harsh and I hope nobody else
did. It’s a valid point.
 
There are all types of scenarios that put kids at events without a fan club. I teach high school and have seen a number of different reasons.
During 7th grade, our daughter had a classmate that had 2 alcoholic parents who were constantly at each other's throats...literally. We signed her up for little league and then travel softball. Asked parents if we could, they were indifferent, signed her up and signed parents names. Then, we took her with our daughter to be outfitted for cleats, glove, uniform etc. She had a great 2 seasons, experiences she wouldn't have had otherwise, and I am certain she was happy her not polite, not sober parents never showed up to embarass her.

That is what is amazing about sports. Parents and others who are present can see the needs other kids might have--and provide it. It is a beautiful thing. It is it's own reward. I will never forget when we went to a tournament out of town, we sat down in a restaurant and it had linen napkins. She had never seen them, didn't know what to do and looked like a deer in the headlights. I laid mine in my lap. She tucked hers into the collar of her shirt and went to town on some ribs. I also had the privilege of taking her on her first elevator ride to a hotel room. Makes me smile thinking about it. I am pretty sure she and my daughter ran the elevators up and down all night until curfew.

And, we can all keep doing it our own way. No judgement, just different.
 
Most of my students are in that situation. Both parents working two jobs. Family of seven in a two bedroom apartment. One problem with these kids is they have to go home after school to take care of the younger siblings and don’t have time for extracurriculars. Lots of them would love to play and I’m sure the parents would show up if they weren’t working.

I’m one of the “one-upmanship” parents here but my wife and I worked hard to provide new clothes and the athletic gear every year plus be there for every event. My wife left the navy at 13 years to take care of and raise the kids while I was on sea duty. She sacrificed a career and we got by on one salary but we’re able to raise good kids. We’re proud of the job we did and if I’m arrogant about one thing anymore in life it’s the job I did as a parent.
 
Every family has their own line in the sand. Some parents are not involved much in their kids lives because they might be working so much they aren’t around and there are some parents who helicopter over their children.
Going through the SA/NROTC application process we asked advice from other families that have been successful with the process.
An Annapolis Mom told us its going to take a team effort and they decided as a family to work as a unit to help their candidate. And that’s what we did!

We all helped keep track of items that needed to be followed up and kept track of deadlines. I helped him practice for the basketball toss, my wife helped run down old medical records, he stayed on top of paperwork. He s now a NROTC 4C Midn. He survived NSI, got through his first semester and picked up two leadership billets this spring and has reapplied to and received noms to Annapolis and KP.

Bottom line is just like raising your kids follow your heart and use your head and trust your kids they are more resistant than we give them credit for.

PS My DS did tell me a funny story about a candidate at NSI that told his MI that his parents have been talking with his unit and he got lit up pretty good.
 
@Heatherg21 we’ve taken kids in like that and bought athletic gear, food, transportation, and hugs. I paid for four of my students to participate in our HOSA competition a couple weeks ago. That both warms and saddens the heart at the same time.

I’ll never forget dropping a kid off after a game one night. It was just him and my son thankfully. We won and were in a good mood. I pulled up in the driveway and his dad was sitting at the garage door drinking beer. The kid got out and ran straight to the front door. I kind of waved at the dad but he didn’t even look at me. My son and I just looked at each other as I backed up and drove home.
 
iprefer2024 said:
I dont think I ever said that going to a sporting event was helicopter parenting. I never really defined what the term meant to me.
I view helicopter parenting as a way of child rearing that involves a parent handling every conflict, challenge, and decision as their own and disregarding the child's own thoughts, conflict-resolution, and decisionmaking capabilities.
What I was showing in my original post was a near extreme to the opposite of the Aviation style parental guidance.
I'm sure most people aren't like this, but the ones I do see, i feel sorry for them. Joining the military is a big deal. I get that. Your family must be involved in the decision. I will say it again, the parents should not be the main decision maker in that matter. My opinion. Go to sporting event, it helps your or other local high schools lol
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I think it’s when you said if you find yourself attending all your kids banquets and sporting events you probably need to take a step back. Me attending my kids banquets or swim meets has no bearing on her SA applications. So I think your wording on your original post was in poor taste. If you would have worded it like this from the beginning there wouldn’t have been some backlash. The truth is that without my support my dd wouldn’t be where she is. Someone spent hours by the pool all yr round since she was 6, for swim practice, driving to and from meets, bringing healthy snacks, paying the bill for that sport, new gear the list goes on and on. That someone for me. So yes I will go to her banquets because without us she wouldn’t be there
 
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We required our kids to play an organized sport starting in high school, so I attended what I could.

Especially since my parents didn't bother...and it wasn't because they were working multiple jobs...it simply wasn't a priority to either of them.

We also required our kids to apply for ROTC scholarships...and both chose to also apply to at least one service academy as well.

One ended up at USNA after a year at a local school, the other's on an AROTC campus-based scholarship (despite an ACT score < 25.)

I did find it sort of creepy that at a parents' meeting before I-day some discussed how they planned to go up during Plebe Summer just to try & catch a glimpse of their kids working out at morning PT...we told our plebe at the end of I-day that we'd next see him at Parents' Weekend.
 
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