Personal Essay Question - Story about a lie?

Q

questionablecadet

USMA 2027
Joined
Sep 13, 2021
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16
Hello,

I am in the process of writing my essay for my Naval Academy Application. To show my character development, I have described a scenario in which I lied about a small detail, felt terrible, came clean, and learned from the experience. In the process of writing, I have become seriously concerned about including a story like this, given the intense honor code expected not just at the Naval Academy but at all Academies. I don't lie and have learned from this experience, but it is a bad idea for me to tell this story? I think it is a strong example of my character growth, but I am concerned about it hurting my Naval application as well as those to other academies. I could use some advice in this area. Thank you.
 
emmettwolf said:
Hello,

I am in the process of writing my essay for my Naval Academy Application. To show my character development, I have described a scenario in which I lied about a small detail, felt terrible, came clean, and learned from the experience. In the process of writing, I have become seriously concerned about including a story like this, given the intense honor code expected not just at the Naval Academy but at all Academies. I don't lie and have learned from this experience, but it is a bad idea for me to tell this story? I think it is a strong example of my character growth, but I am concerned about it hurting my Naval application as well as those to other academies. I could use some advice in this area. Thank you.
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You say you lied about a “small detail.” Is that different from other details? You learned from your experience and don’t do it anymore. That’s good. In your essay, I think you would be better served by writing about positive experiences that have influenced your character growth. Something fuller, and richer, than the “felt terrible, came clean…” indiscretion you mention.
 
Whatever you choose, don’t write to something you think usna wants to read. You have to write your own story.

Brainstorm some ideas. See where that takes you. You may find something else that you hadn’t thought of that doesn’t cause you to question if it’s a ‘good one to use’. You may not. But to me, no matter what the subject matter, if it causes you to question whether it’s a good idea or not? Perhaps its an internal piece of you saying it may not be the best option.
 
Great posts above. I'll just add this - most of us have a voice in our head (sometimes more than one- haha) who raises questions/ ideas/ doubts.

Over Thanksgiving weekend in 2021, when I checked our investment portfolio and things were at an all time high, my little voice advised - hey maybe you should cash out of some of these positions - I bet the market might decline. I didn't listen to it/ really should have.

Back at the turn of the millenium, like in 1999, my little voice got the (admittedly stupid) idea that I should stockpile champagne and get some buddies to invest with me, as I felt it would all be sold out for the massive millenial parties that would be coming and we could sell it then at a premium. I pitched this to a couple of friends who correctly advised that was among the dumbest ideas I'd ever pitched. Instead of 12/31/1999 being the party of our lives, Y2K fears and having to be on-site and on-call for work meant most of us were just happy the banks and electricity grid were still functioning on 1/1/2000. The Party of our lives event, for most, was a complete dud. No champagne surplus needed, at all.

My point is, that voice can help or be silly, but in cases like you describe, if it's telling you there might be a better option, then you should as others note authentically consider alternatives that don't give you pause - why not? Listen to that little fella/ gremlin in your head on this one - explore options to pivot, and put forth the application that gives you the very best chance to live your dream. From my perspective, I feel my DS's essay answers and interviews were key to his securing the scholarships/ acceptances and each satisfied the "so what" impact I would hope they would convey - I lied up but I learned from it ? Challenge yourself to find a more powerful vignette which gets to the core of your strengths, your measurable impacts as a scholar/athlete/leader on your teams/ community/ school/class- if you authentically can. Good luck.


emmettwolf said:
Hello,

I am in the process of writing my essay for my Naval Academy Application. To show my character development, I have described a scenario in which I lied about a small detail, felt terrible, came clean, and learned from the experience. In the process of writing, I have become seriously concerned about including a story like this, given the intense honor code expected not just at the Naval Academy but at all Academies. I don't lie and have learned from this experience, but it is a bad idea for me to tell this story? I think it is a strong example of my character growth, but I am concerned about it hurting my Naval application as well as those to other academies. I could use some advice in this area. Thank you.
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A point about the Honor Code: It’s not expected upon your entry to USNA that you’ve lived a pristine life. Everyone by that time in their life has lied, cheated, stolen or tolerated someone who has. We’re human. Most of those infractions were petty, mindless, possibly silly, hopefully harmless. Some were more serious, unfortunately.

The important thing is that we learn and grow and improve because of that experience. So if you were to write about your lie — and that’s ultimately up to you — I highly doubt that it would be held against you as long as it was indeed “small.” But if it was “small,” then it begs the question of whether it’s sufficiently significant to write about.
 
emmettwolf said:
I could use some advice in this area.
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FWIW, I'm of the opinion we can only be true to ourselves, however each individual defines that. If this experience was profound to you, my advice is that the experience is worth addressing. As others have said, chasing some nebulous notion of what USNA "wants" to hear is a mistake.

A well written essay will genuinely convey the personal significance of this event.
 
I understand where you are coming from. It sort of a redemption story, You screwed up and learned from your mistake and will never do it again. Sort of like, my parents abandoned me, i was adopted, they leave me , lived in foster care, and look how well i am now doing. The difference is that in your story you screwed up and in the other story you got screwed over by life. I personally would stay away from letting them know how you screwed up.

I have to tell you and I am sure most people on this forum will disagree with me, personally, if someone told me they lied about a small immaterial detail (don't know if your small detail was immaterial) and then obsessed about it, i would think they are a moron. Obviously, it's all relative as lying about a small detail in court could be a big thing while telling your parents you came home at 10 when you came home at 1030 isn't a big thing. This is my opinion. You know the old saying, making lemonade from lemons, is probably the better route to go when writing an essay about yourself.
 
You're the only one who can decide, but the posters above had some really great advice. If it was truly small, did it really affect your life that much, enough to want to use up all of the part of your application where you can truly show them who you are? Everyone who has been appointed to the academy has broken the honor code at some point in their life because we are not perfect, but in my opinion, this type of essay would be best suited to someone who made a really big mistake that was listed somewhere else in the application and would give them a chance to show the admissions board how they turned a bad choice into a positive learning experience.

One of the reasons the academy has the ability to retain mids who mess up early in their academy career (especially with honor offenses) and truly want to turn their life trajectory around (the key part) is because these people are often more likely to encourage their classmates to do the right thing so that they don't have to go through the same punishments and shame that they did. During the year, XYZ cases are released about the results of recent honor boards, and honor remediation essays are sent out to the brigade for mandatory reading.

If it was a truly impactful part of your life, sharing this story and your personal growth would probably make for a good essay to show they academy who you are, but if you have a better personal development story which shows your commitment to serve and attend USNA, then that would likely be a smarter choice.
 
If the lie is insignificant as you say, and you literally dedicate an entire essay to your path back from the brink, and your redemption, I would think you’re crazy. 😂 That’s my gut take. EVERYONE has told small lies and if you come across as obsessive that is not a good thing. At all.
 
toyomark said:
If I were you, I'd embellish some stories or features of my character. I always do this if I need to get a position. The main thing is to do as you described yourself in the essay. After my exaggerations, I usually try to live up to my legend.
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So, the OP sent this back in July, and I think the odds are better than not that this contact is "past CPA and opening." But for those who might read the above, my advice is to be as honest and truthful as you can be in your essays. The people who vet these were not born yesterday, and they have seen plenty of them.

And since I'm on a roll with my fresh cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee, I guess my other advice for folks on here might be that maybe, just maybe, your very first post on a forum should not be advice on embellishing stories or features of your character so you can "get a position." But I'm old, and probably out of touch. 😞
 
GWU PNS said:
So, the OP sent this back in July, and I think the odds are better than not that this contact is "past CPA and opening." But for those who might read the above, my advice is to be as honest and truthful as you can be in your essays. The people who vet these were not born yesterday, and they have seen plenty of them.

And since I'm on a roll with my fresh cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee, I guess my other advice for folks on here might be that maybe, just maybe, your very first post on a forum should not be advice on embellishing stories or features of your character so you can "get a position." But I'm old, and probably out of touch. 😞
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Although your advice still holds true, I'm pretty sure toyomark is a bot.
 
I reported suspected spam for the Toyomark post - classic nes member, odd language, embedded link.
 
I haven't sat through a BGO interview with a candidate yet, but if a candidate mentioned, "

*Edited by moderator to remove quoted spam post. Stealth_81
 
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This was spam.

*Edited by moderator to remove quoted spam post. Stealth_81
 
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