Reassigning DS bedroom once he leaves for BCT/AIT/college... Need opinions!

5centsmom said:
When we lived in a house with dramatically unequal bedrooms plus a walkout basement bedroom, there was no way I was sleeping on a different floor from a kid (fear of fire), nor giving them easy come & go access (under 18). Made our two lads share. We moved just as the eldest was departing for college, and ironically moved into a house with enough “equal” bedrooms for each. Eldest kept saying “I don’t care, I don’t live here any more”. Guess who’s boomeranged back (briefly)? Now he won’t trade “his” room!

If you & the spousal unit are on the same page why not discuss with your nearly adult kids to air it all out? Could help set everyone’s expectations.

While I’m not a fan of the “shrine”, I know I stopped seeing my childhood room as mine by the end of freshman year. It isn’t “wrong” to let the transition happen naturally or to bow to family spatial needs. How long is freshman winter break? Is that a good time for eldest to prepare it for the next occupant? Might be a good compromise.

Let us know how this drama ends!
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Thank you, I will keep you posted!
 
@DSmom_in_IL you got this! No you are not stressing too much, this is new territory for your son and you - glad you got LOTS of examples of how we have all handled it, don’t forget you get to decide how it plays out in your situation, there is no wrong answer just what you want and feel is best for your family. It sounds like no matter what someone is going to be disappointed, you probably won’t get to avoid that! But knowing there are MANY right answers might help you feel better about whatever you decide.
 
justdoit19 said:
IMO, there is no right or wrong answer. It’s family dependent.

Th big thing to keep in mind, as with any child leaving for school, is that this is a HUGE change in the dynamic of the family. And a HUGE change for the child, who is leaving the nest for the first time. Things will never ever be the same.

My DS comes home on his leave, stats up with friends in the basement gaming and hanging out. They all crash on the couches. He hasn’t spent but ONE night back in his room. It’s got the stuff in it that we kept, the rest was purged. It’s decorated all NAVY and is super cute. I suspect his leave time coming home will be even less and less as time moves on.

Could you let the siblings figure it out? Or do you have to make the decision? Maybe give it first semester, and your plebe will even allow the sibling to move in.

As a side note: we don’t allow ANY of our kids to sleep in the walk out basement...to much opportunity for nefarious activity with mom and dad on the second floor, out cold [emoji23].

Editing to add: we have 4. Youngest is applying USNA ‘24. We will be listing the house and moving to a smaller one as soon as possible. I can’t wait! No one will have a bedroom! But all are welcome.
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Love your perspective! However, allowing them to work it out will most likely result in arguing and expletives between the two :( Thanks for your input.
 
Dckc88 said:
@DSmom_in_IL you got this! No you are not stressing too much, this is new territory for your son and you - glad you got LOTS of examples of how we have all handled it, don’t forget you get to decide how it plays out in your situation, there is no wrong answer just what you want and feel is best for your family. It sounds like no matter what someone is going to be disappointed, you probably won’t get to avoid that! But knowing there are MANY right answers might help you feel better about whatever you decide.
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Thank you, it really does help to hear different perspectives. Not to make the decision for me... But to give me something to chew on. Really appreciate everyone's input!
 
USMAROTCFamily said:
Before each of ours left, they knew we were changing their rooms into guest rooms and redecorating them. We also had them go through all of their stuff, toss what they didn't want to keep and stored all of what they did want to keep in tubs that were in the garage. They actually like their old rooms better now when they come home for their short visits, as they are nice and clean! Once DD was commissioned and moved to her first assignment, her tubs were shipped by the government, along with some furniture we were purging. So all of her stuff is now gone. DS graduates next month and once he gets his place at his first duty assignment following his officer basic course and Ranger school, then we will do the same with all of his stuff. They know they are welcome home anytime to visit, but will never be living here again. There were both barely home during summers due to all their military activities and they were both at school thousands of miles away, so they weren't home throughout the year, often either. Perhaps it is because we were military ourselves and moved around quite a bit in their early years, that we never felt the need to keep "their" rooms intact. They always will have a place to stay, but they know it is our house to do what we want with it.
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Great perspective, thanks for your input!
 
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