Recruiter just won't stop zero-ing in on my kid...

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snowieWI3

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I apologize if this is not USCGA directly related...but we are new to all things military/recruitment, etc.

As some may have read my few previous posts...my daughter is a sophomore and has wanted the USCGA since 8th grade. She is currently an unweighted 3.9 math/science kid, is taking welding (and will graduate HS with a basic welding certificate), loves all things calculus, engineering...especially fixing engines & motorized things...and lives for all things water - (in its liquid and frozen form),boats, fishing, ocean...etc. She is also an accomplished percussionist and hopes to continue drumming (hopefully) for the USCGA in a few years. She has already dragged me to a Service Academy college fair in Sept. She has recently lost 26 lbs, bikes 7 miles back and forth to school 2-3x a week in the below freezing weather/snowy weather we've been having...so she's working on her fitness and taking it crazy serious.

Anyway, to boost her leadership skills as suggested by the USCGA officer she met at the academy fair, she joined the "Future Military Service" club at her high school (her high school does not offer JROTC) and she is an active member. However, she is the ONLY member of about 12 kids that has her sights set on an academy...the rest are going direct enlist in their various branches. At the meetings, there is a local recruiter there which is understandable...but he just won't get off her back about direct enlisting. I have noticed now that after each meeting, she is in a sad, defeated mood and says things like "I doubt I'll get in because I'm just average" or "I have little chance of getting in since I'm not an athlete" and last night was no different - telling me the recruiter keeps encouraging her to take the ASVAB "just in case she doesn't make the cut for admission...since it's so competitive". Now, I'm a pretty low key mom but this is starting to bug me because there's no need for the little chipping away at her confidence. I don't understand why this gentleman won't just support her or at least say nothing. She doesn't want to stop going to the club because she hopes to be voted in as an officer of the club in the spring...but I can tell that this recruiter is getting under her skin & more importantly, in her head. I know my kid and I know that she would never, ever talk back to an adult...but she also struggles with standing up for herself. I encouraged her to talk to her school adviser for the club (retired Air Force) but she is deathly afraid of looking weak & as a complainer - especially since she is the only female. I'm unsure of how to guide her now that this seems to be a constant in her life...and she's now viewing these club meetings as something to endure rather than enjoy.

Is this a common thing for recruiters to do? To keep questioning the feasibility of an Service Academy? Isn't it all for one, one for all?
 
snowieWI3 said:
I apologize if this is not USCGA directly related...but we are new to all things military/recruitment, etc.

As some may have read my few previous posts...my daughter is a sophomore and has wanted the USCGA since 8th grade. She is currently an unweighted 3.9 math/science kid, is taking welding (and will graduate HS with a basic welding certificate), loves all things calculus, engineering...especially fixing engines & motorized things...and lives for all things water - (in its liquid and frozen form),boats, fishing, ocean...etc. She is also an accomplished percussionist and hopes to continue drumming (hopefully) for the USCGA in a few years. She has already dragged me to a Service Academy college fair in Sept. She has recently lost 26 lbs, bikes 7 miles back and forth to school 2-3x a week in the below freezing weather/snowy weather we've been having...so she's working on her fitness and taking it crazy serious.

Anyway, to boost her leadership skills as suggested by the USCGA officer she met at the academy fair, she joined the "Future Military Service" club at her high school (her high school does not offer JROTC) and she is an active member. However, she is the ONLY member of about 12 kids that has her sights set on an academy...the rest are going direct enlist in their various branches. At the meetings, there is a local recruiter there which is understandable...but he just won't get off her back about direct enlisting. I have noticed now that after each meeting, she is in a sad, defeated mood and says things like "I doubt I'll get in because I'm just average" or "I have little chance of getting in since I'm not an athlete" and last night was no different - telling me the recruiter keeps encouraging her to take the ASVAB "just in case she doesn't make the cut for admission...since it's so competitive". Now, I'm a pretty low key mom but this is starting to bug me because there's no need for the little chipping away at her confidence. I don't understand why this gentleman won't just support her or at least say nothing. She doesn't want to stop going to the club because she hopes to be voted in as an officer of the club in the spring...but I can tell that this recruiter is getting under her skin & more importantly, in her head. I know my kid and I know that she would never, ever talk back to an adult...but she also struggles with standing up for herself. I encouraged her to talk to her school adviser for the club (retired Air Force) but she is deathly afraid of looking weak & as a complainer - especially since she is the only female. I'm unsure of how to guide her now that this seems to be a constant in her life...and she's now viewing these club meetings as something to endure rather than enjoy.

Is this a common thing for recruiters to do? To keep questioning the feasibility of an Service Academy? Isn't it all for one, one for all?
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Tell her to tell him to "Back the F*** Off. That should do the trick. LOL. // Ok, I know that won't happen, she needs to find her own words to say the equivalent. Directly. This won't be the first person to challenge her like that and she'll need to get used to standing up for herself. It's tough - but necessary. We teach our children to be kind and respectful but there is a line in the communication "sand" that needs to be drawn. One of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is the "OK" to make that line clear. The guy isn't in her chain of command, he is there to get recruits. That is not the way to go about it and she needs to tell him so. Just My two Cents. :)
 
I can't speak directly to the Coast Guard, but from my past experience with the other branches of the military, recruiters and enlisted people in general do not always have a high regard for the academies (or other commissioning sources). My son has experienced a lot of the same from military recruiters who came to his HS; one of them told him "man, you don't need college, just enlist if you want to be in the action". Definitely an interesting point-of-view. Hey, I get it...they have their job to do.
 
While my son was a plebe this summer at USNA, the local recruiter called me and asked if my son considered enlisting in the marines.

I told him he was at USNA - his tone immediately changed from businesslike to happy and proud. Asked me to make sure my son visits the recruiting office on vacation.

While I am sure many are pushy and look down at SAs, not all do.
 
CGFAM said:
Tell her to tell him to "Back the F*** Off. That should do the trick. LOL.
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If she wants more practice in saying 'no' to someone, send her in to a car dealership, all alone. Lots of sharks swimming around there too! (sorry in advance to any one working at a dealership) - a guy once drive me 30 miles, each way, so I could get my check book back at home (this was back in the 80's heh, heh) to put $$ down on a car he was trying to sell me :oops:
 
A1Janitor said:
While my son was a plebe this summer at USNA, the local recruiter called me and asked if my son considered enlisting in the marines.

I told him he was at USNA - his tone immediately changed from businesslike to happy and proud. Asked me to make sure my son visits the recruiting office on vacation.

While I am sure many are pushy and look down at SAs, not all do.
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When another of my kids was in the process, a Marine Recruiter did the same thing. Our communication with him was so great that our families became friends. We are still friends to this day. :)
 
First, understand that enlisted recruiters are under pressure to "produce" recruits, and anyone that is interested in serving is ripe for their sales pitch. This is long ago, but I had both Navy and USMC recruiters give me their pitch after I told them I was going to the a Service Academy (the Navy recruiter when I was enlisting to attend NAPS, and the USMC recruiter the summer between NAPS and USNA -- the Marine Corps story was actually kinda funny).

As noted above, Recruiters view toward the the Service Academies are mixed. Some like the idea of great kids going to the Service in any capacity. and other just look at them as competition in their recruiting pool.

For OP, the answer is simply a firm no, and if the Recruiter persists,, and even firmer no with the admonition that DD will report further contact or efforts up the chain of command. That should get the Recruiters attention. If that doesn't work, either the Club adviser or HS guidance office should be notified.
 
snowieWI3 said:
She is currently an unweighted 3.9 math/science kid, is taking welding (and will graduate HS with a basic welding certificate), loves all things calculus, engineering...especially fixing engines & motorized things...and lives for all things water - (in its liquid and frozen form),boats, fishing, ocean...etc.
Click to expand...

Snowie,

Your daughter sounds awesome! She sounds just like my younger son. Rather than welding, his thing was the programmable C & C Machine in wood shop class. He used it to make a portable desk out of a 4x8x3/4 sheet of plywood using no fasteners.

A couple of things:

1) The lack of an organized sport on her resume is more than made up by the fact that she isn't sitting around doing nothing--she is concerned about her fitness and has a number of varied interests. As well, drumlines are as organized as anything I've ever seen. She needs to realize that the recruiter isn't the last pushy overbearing person who will lord his/her position over her. She needs to just ignore him.

2) I have a great summer camp for her:


or


My son did the Navy Camp after HS sophomore year and received a scholarship from SAME https://www.same.org/STEMCAMPS/Camps

It was a great experience to write an essay, essentially asking for $500. But, the experience of the camp was excellent. It wasn't just something to write on a resume. His goal at the time was USNA or NROTC. The only problem was when we were driving home from the airport, he proclaimed his intention to forego college and enlist in the SeaBees. The camp was run by grizzled current and retired SeaBees, who had little good to say about the pointy headed engineers sitting at their desks, while the real work was being done elsewhere. As it turned out, he stuck to his original plan as he examined and compared the roles, lives, and responsibilities of officers vs. enlisted.

The other thing she has in common with my son is that she seems to be blissfully unaware of how attractive a person (candidate) she is. IOW she has no attitude or sense of entitlement.

Wishing her the Best of Luck!

BTW She can always block the Recruiter's number!
 
I would personally be raising the question of why a recruiter is at meetings so frequently anyways, especially in the capacity of a recruiter. He should either come, make his pitch, and then be gone for another recruiter to come make their pitch or the club to get involved in something else, or he should be there as nothing more than a mentor. If him coming is purely just to recruit kids and put them through the recruiting process, he has an office for that...
 
An oblique approach to countering the “I’m just average” feeling is - just a thought here - contacting the local USCGA Parents Assn chapter, if there is one near you. With cadets soon to be home on leave, maybe some would be willing to meet with her, talk about their journey to USCGA, help her get some perspective on her own merits by talking to actual cadets.

 
CGFAM said:
Tell her to tell him to "Back the F*** Off. That should do the trick. LOL. // Ok, I know that won't happen, she needs to find her own words to say the equivalent. Directly. This won't be the first person to challenge her like that and she'll need to get used to standing up for herself. It's tough - but necessary. We teach our children to be kind and respectful but there is a line in the communication "sand" that needs to be drawn. One of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is the "OK" to make that line clear. The guy isn't in her chain of command, he is there to get recruits. That is not the way to go about it and she needs to tell him so. Just My two Cents. :)
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She's going to laugh when she gets home to read this reply! Simply because I don't think I've ever heard her curse before so your suggestion will give her stress sweats! :)
 
Recruiters aren't bums - most are hand picked for this role and given exceptionally difficult goals. They have to represent the service branch with distinction and convince a range of young people (eager, not qualified to wavering but qualified) to join the service. Like any sales job, rejection is common and often, the first "no" is not the final answer. Once he gets the message that the answer is a firm NO, he should (and most likely will) move on to more fertile ground.

He probably is sensing some doubt in your daughter's resolve. She may be sending inadvertent signals that she is unaware of. She needs to firmly advise the Recruiter she has no interest. If it persists after that, it become harassment in my mind.

The next step would be to speak to the faculty advisor.

Good luck
 
Capt MJ said:
An oblique approach to countering the “I’m just average” feeling is - just a thought here - contacting the local USCGA Parents Assn chapter, if there is one near you. With cadets soon to be home on leave, maybe some would be willing to meet with her, talk about their journey to USCGA, help her get some perspective on her own merits by talking to actual cadets.

Click to expand...
This is a great idea - especially since she often gets "why the Coast Guard?" so having her in front of some might be helpful. Thank you!
 
ekb1398 said:
I would personally be raising the question of why a recruiter is at meetings so frequently anyways, especially in the capacity of a recruiter. He should either come, make his pitch, and then be gone for another recruiter to come make their pitch or the club to get involved in something else, or he should be there as nothing more than a mentor. If him coming is purely just to recruit kids and put them through the recruiting process, he has an office for that...
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This is a great point that I hadn't thought of. I'm going to ask her what he does exactly during the meetings because I'm guessing that maybe the meetings would go a little better if the guy wasn't there breathing down their necks. Hmmm....good tip.
 
cb7893 said:
Snowie,

Your daughter sounds awesome! She sounds just like my younger son. Rather than welding, his thing was the programmable C & C Machine in wood shop class. He used it to make a portable desk out of a 4x8x3/4 sheet of plywood using no fasteners.

A couple of things:

1) The lack of an organized sport on her resume is more than made up by the fact that she isn't sitting around doing nothing--she is concerned about her fitness and has a number of varied interests. As well, drumlines are as organized as anything I've ever seen. She needs to realize that the recruiter isn't the last pushy overbearing person who will lord his/her position over her. She needs to just ignore him.

2) I have a great summer camp for her:


or


My son did the Navy Camp after HS sophomore year and received a scholarship from SAME https://www.same.org/STEMCAMPS/Camps

It was a great experience to write an essay, essentially asking for $500. But, the experience of the camp was excellent. It wasn't just something to write on a resume. His goal at the time was USNA or NROTC. The only problem was when we were driving home from the airport, he proclaimed his intention to forego college and enlist in the SeaBees. The camp was run by grizzled current and retired SeaBees, who had little good to say about the pointy headed engineers sitting at their desks, while the real work was being done elsewhere. As it turned out, he stuck to his original plan as he examined and compared the roles, lives, and responsibilities of officers vs. enlisted.

The other thing she has in common with my son is that she seems to be blissfully unaware of how attractive a person (candidate) she is. IOW she has no attitude or sense of entitlement.

Wishing her the Best of Luck!

BTW She can always block the Recruiter's number!
Click to expand...
Wow! Thanks for the info - I'll show this to her and we'll check it out. Thank you.
 
Old Navy BGO said:
For OP, the answer is simply a firm no, and if the Recruiter persists,, and even firmer no with the admonition that DD will report further contact or efforts up the chain of command. That should get the Recruiters attention. If that doesn't work, either the Club adviser or HS guidance office should be notified.
Click to expand...

I agree with the above recommendation, and also the words from CGFAM. I'm also not military, and have sons, not daughters. But I am a female manager with experience in a male-dominated field, and have had my share of having to tell men to listen up or back off, depending on the situation.

Your daughter sounds like an amazing, strong person. It may help her to practice the firm no, whether with her dad, a brother or uncle, or a family friend, as that'll help her feel more comfortable in the moment. She'll need to be able to do that as an officer in the Coast Guard, talking to guys under her command who might not respect her perspective the first time. Might as well start now.

One other thing, mom to mom: If her spidey sense tells her anything is off with this recruiter, she absolutely should consider reporting it. It will help other young women in the future.
 
They can be persistent that’s for sure. But it’s their job. A recruiter way back in the day is who actually turned my oldest on to the NROTC program way back in the day, after he took the test. Thankful for that as it opened his eyes to the program.
 
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mamabear2023 said:
If her spidey sense tells her anything is off with this recruiter, she absolutely should consider reporting it. It will help other young women in the future.
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While I get the point (I have daughters too), I don't think the OP even suggested this was an issue, but to emphasize USMCGrunt's comment, Recruiters aren't bums, and in fact are screened and selected to represent their Service. I run into my local Recruiters (of all branches) at HS events from time to time, and have been impressed with their level of professionalism. I always make a point to chat with them, they are great men and women, and I like to think that it helps them understand the Naval Academy better.

I suspect the first thing they are taught, particularly in this day and age , is to avoid situations where their intentions can be misconstrued or worse. Any misconduct would be dealt with harshly.
 
It sounds like borderline creepy stalking behavior, and I would recommend making it clear to that person that the behavior needs to stop.
 
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