Relationships through BCT

Squawking1200

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Jun 29, 2022
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Appointee to the CO ‘27, heading out to basic training in less than two months. Looking for advice from someone who may have done it. I have been in a serious relationship for quite some time and we both know that the summer will be hard, but does anyone have tips or tricks that worked for them about how to keep a relationship going? Both during BCT and the 4 years in general?
 
Two things I messed up on when I had a long-distance civilian GF (granted that relationship happened when I was in school):

1. Make sure you give your SO a crash course on what your life was like at school and what the Academy is. Most people aren't intimately familiar with the military. They might think you are a normal college student who just wears uniforms, some think you are enlisted and you go to boot camp, and some might even think you just learn how to fight wars. You will undoubtedly be less available (both time-wise and geographically), but with them understanding what you do on a daily basis can help a lot with the inconveniences that you might face.

2. Make sure you both make time for each other. Make sure you are both on the same page regarding that when you schedule time with each other, that time is either honored or you reschedule. You can't just do your own thing 100% of the time (both sides) for an LDR. Spending time with each other is not as simple as seeing each other at school, hanging out on a weekend on a whim, calling each other for hours, etc.

You'll be squawking 7500 for BCT. You are also sort of squawking 7600. Enjoy your last bit of civilian life and you'll be on a discrete beacon code until you leave the service. Then you'll be 1200 again. And that is enough aviation nerdy for this post.
 
Our DS's good friend simply had his girlfriend get into the same SA and the same squad during basic at the SA. Problem solved! True story.

On a serious note, I'm not wise enough to say what you should do to keep such a relationship going but always be honest and recognize that there are high points and low points in relationships and this means way beyond the next four years if it continues. Whatever you do, remain optimistic but also stoic.
 
While I have some one here, quite a few of my friends didn't

Send letters often even into the school year, it lets them know they occupy some part of your time

Do "date" nights. Had a friend who would zoom call and they both put on the same movie while eating

Send your schedule! And have them send theirs both daily and academic, helps a lot with planning.

Do same gifts. I personally sent very small gifts to my bf po box every now and then. Like once every other month, goes hand and hand with letters. I directly send it btw, not ship it from my location shipping is expensive

Communication is key here. If you're worried say it the second you get time. Trust me even here I can go a week without talking in person because of finals and 6 college classes ( not including the 'block' classes or pe)

Talk out your stress to someone here before you send that same stress to them. Ok a bit weird but I find a lot of people out side of the service academy just don't get it and that's ok! But you don't want to accidentally blow up at them. So I recommend right before you call vent to someone specifically about those issues so you're a bit calmer when you tell the exact same information to bf/gf. At least for the first year. I've definitely gone off before on my parents and they were military!

Hope that helped!
 
Appointee to the CO ‘27, heading out to basic training in less than two months. Looking for advice from someone who may have done it. I have been in a serious relationship for quite some time and we both know that the summer will be hard, but does anyone have tips or tricks that worked for them about how to keep a relationship going? Both during BCT and the 4 years in general?
I spent the better part of a month before leaving writing a letter for my girlfriend to have one to open each day (I wasn't sure how often I would be able to write letters). I used the 20 minutes after closing my door every night during basic to right letters too. Having something physical from you will mean a lot to your SO (and vice versa). IMO, basic isn't the hardest part. It was a phase that you both know will end in 6 short weeks. Then doolie year comes around and you settle into new norms for your relationship, many of which can feel monotonous. My advice? As said above, you just have to plan to do things together. It will feel like you have nothing in common, so even doing things together like going for a run, watching a movie, or ordering pizza helps you bond. Learn how to talk and just enjoy conversation.
You'll probably get advice from family/friends that it just isn't worth having a long distance relationship, "especially at the academy." While I couldn't argue that it isn't hard, I would pursue what makes you happy and not listen to advice that says give it up because it's hard. Good luck!
 
I'm still married to the girl who dropped me off for BCT - it can work IF he/she understands the mission of graduate first to enjoy a better life later. He/She 100% must be on board because you will control very little of your time. The significant other needs to understand you are choosing the mission of graduation and that will come in conflict at times with their personal wishes.
 
The odds are definitely not in your favor of staying together. Hell the regular odds of staying together aren’t in your favor just as an every day citizen much less throwing in your time will be consumed by the Academy and all it has to offer and all it demands. Good luck…..
 
My DS is a C2C and still dating his Freshman high school gf. First year is the hardest. She wrote a letter everyday during BCT, you will not cause you are too busy. She came out for PW. She will have to understand you are not available on a normal bf level. It is very hard, but if it works than you will be part of the 1%. Congratulations on your appt to USAFA.
 
Girlfriend will have to learn that she will likely never feel like she/family comes first for a very long time. Getting through BCT will come first, then 4c year, then graduation, then flight school, then first operational squadron/deployment etc. There will always be something that will appear more important than her so you have to emphasize in the little time you get why it seems that way. If girlfriend turns to wife someday and sticks around for a career they will have one foot in the door towards Sainthood. It takes a special breed to be ok with being the apparent 2nd priority, separation etc.
 
DS HS girlfriend enrolled at UCCS after his Doolie year. They are going strong and it has been a major blessing for DS to have an outlet outside of USAFA on weekends. NGL doolie year was tough but they made it through and we actually got more information on things were going from his GF than from him since they talked daily.
 
I married the girl I met while at NAPS the week after USNA graduation (and coming up on 38 years..OMG how time flies !). Communications are way different then....letters (almost every day, even during Plebe Summer), weekly phone calls (from a sweaty pay phone booth in a room with 10-15 phone booths), to visits when possible --increasing frequency over the course of 4 years. Yes...agree with the comment about Saint Hood...It's not easy, but it is doable.
 
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