Roller coaster I: Get Us (The Parents) Through Plebe Year - Class of ‘26 🎢

LT360 said:
Getting a refreshed dose of no contact this during DS rotation at PROTRAMID. I cant wait to hear his stories the next time we talk!
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Awe the run silent and deep sub evolution!!!
Mine loved driving the boat (likely wrong term there for the vessel) and said angles and dangles are awesome. Unless you are on the treadmill!!!
 
While I reflect on '25 rollercoaster ride, the no phone during PS was great training for us parents to cut the ties. In our highly connected/social network world of communications it is often easy to forgot to "old" days when you did not know what everyone was doing all the time. Even once the Plebes get their phones/laptops/devices back, they are kept busy most of the time. It was not unusual to go a week without much more than a quick text. In fact we recognized a pattern that has now continued into PROTRAMID---when DS was free for a substantial time is when we got the phone calls. We could go a couple of weeks with just a text and then bam he calls three times in three days. Part of this I am sure is due to "media" restrictions so as he had periods of dips in the rollercoaster he was bored and called home.

So parents...don't fret about limited contact during PS. Brush the dust off your stationary pile and write letters, learn to spend your new found time productively--new hobby, focus on mid sibs, etc-- and if you need a "safe place" to feel a connection to DD/DS, hop on SA forums and read the posts.
 
Yeah, it will be interesting to see if he wants us to drive down for his town liberty (or wants to come home for the afternoon) for a free meal out, or if he will be spending that time with his classmates, or his girlfriend! She has a car at school, and is also only about 45 minutes away.

I think that will be the disadvantage of living near enough to be able to see him often. His grandparents (my parents) also live in Annapolis (Hillsmere), so not far. He may not WANT to see us!
 
IronmanDaremo said:
Yeah, it will be interesting to see if he wants us to drive down for his town liberty (or wants to come home for the afternoon) for a free meal out, or if he will be spending that time with his classmates, or his girlfriend! She has a car at school, and is also only about 45 minutes away.

I think that will be the disadvantage of living near enough to be able to see him often. His grandparents (my parents) also live in Annapolis (Hillsmere), so not far. He may not WANT to see us!
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We should bet on this.

Why not host a summer mid feast at grandparents’ place, perhaps their home can handle it or there is a community picnic area. You get to enjoy your DS and mid friends enjoying each other, girlfriend comes over, DS gets private time with GF post-event, many blocks checked. I know you weren’t looking for suggestions, but I love summer family and friends get-togethers, whether we are doing a full-on cookout or picking up full meal catering at Mission BBQ or Adam’s Ribs and supplementing with party platters from Graul’s or local delis or Whole Foods.
 
Can probably do something at Quiet Waters. Not sure if my parents can handle a gaggle of people, and not sure people can/would drive 45 minutes to our place. Although my Dad (retired CAPT) would be happy to share SWO war stories. ;)
 
IronmanDaremo said:
Can probably do something at Quiet Waters. Not sure if my parents can handle a gaggle of people, and not sure people can/would drive 45 minutes to our place. Although my Dad (retired CAPT) would be happy to share SWO war stories. ;)
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Tuck this away in your planning files for Comm Week or other occasions. Typical of most military installations, NSA Annapolis has picnic grounds. Your DS as the AD member, can rent.

Quiet Waters Park is great. Military affiliations get free daily pass.
 
Two of DD’s best friends have parents who were — uh, how to say nicely — very enthusiastic about having a mid at USNA. They visited often. A lot. As in, once or twice a month.

DD’s shipmates will tell you that, while they appreciated the effort and sentiment, it was too much. Way too much. No matter what their parents said, they felt obligated to spend significant time with them during visits. Which then cut into time they needed — and wanted — for studying, relaxing, hanging out with buddies, building relationships, and so on. (One of them even told us at commissioning week that his parents were in a sort of mourning period, as their regular visits to the Yard came to an end.)

So strike a balance. College — especially at N*OT COLLEGE — is your mids’ time to come into their own. Of course, most welcome the occasional visit from their folks. But too much of a good thing can become a bad thing. And that’s not good.
 
That seems sad. I remember when I was a young man, same age as my son, and I was ready to go and carve out my own life and I see that in him now. At the time I didn't see the need for the parents to be involved. Fortunately for me and the wife, he does like us and will welcome some visitation, but I intend to be judicious with those visits.
 
A little different perspective: I have a friend who is local. Mid comes home almost every weekend. And she (they, mom and dad) recognize that the mid isn’t developing or tending to relationships like they think the mid should be.

Never had this problem myself! Living so far away.
 
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This is an interesting thread. I appreciate the different perspectives. My DD is a rising HS senior and working through the process of applying, nominations, etc. We are 45 minutes away from Annapolis. If she gets an appointment, there is no way she would either want us coming down there all the time or (when allowed) spending every weekend at home. She is ready to spread her wings.
 
Sealion II said:
This is an interesting thread. I appreciate the different perspectives. My DD is a rising HS senior and working through the process of applying, nominations, etc. We are 45 minutes away from Annapolis. If she gets an appointment, there is no way she would either want us coming down there all the time or (when allowed) spending every weekend at home. She is ready to spread her wings.
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Good luck to her! Feel free to reach out if you have any questions :) This forum is amazing!
 
We are kind of unique (isn't everyone???). Son's birth mom died when he was 8 from a super aggressive cancer. Met my current wife only a few months after my first's passing. Step-mom has been a big part of his life since and the kids started calling her "Mom" even before we got married. Fast forward to 2018 and we had an unexpected child of our own. The little dude (now 3-1/2) looks up to his second biggest bro more than the other two, we believe. And plebe-to-be is amazing with him. I think there will need to be some transition as plebe-to-be grows into his role and the littlest dude learns to let his big bro grow up. There may need to be some visits to accommodate that (on one side for sure .... perhaps maybe both).

There is also a big history with my choices in life that I am trying incredibly hard not to influence our plebe-to-be, which is also very difficult not to do. Almost exactly 30 years to the day, he will report for I-day when I did (I was c/o '96). I dropped out for various reasons. I do not want that to be his fate, and it is really hard to let go of that and let him be himself and make his own choices. Another great example of parents trying to rectify mistakes from their past through their kids while trying to grapple with letting their kids be individuals and make their own decisions. This is his path, but I don't want him to make the same mistakes I did ........
 
IronmanDaremo said:
We are kind of unique (isn't everyone???). Son's birth mom died when he was 8 from a super aggressive cancer. Met my current wife only a few months after my first's passing. Step-mom has been a big part of his life since and the kids started calling her "Mom" even before we got married. Fast forward to 2018 and we had an unexpected child of our own. The little dude (now 3-1/2) looks up to his second biggest bro more than the other two, we believe. And plebe-to-be is amazing with him. I think there will need to be some transition as plebe-to-be grows into his role and the littlest dude learns to let his big bro grow up. There may need to be some visits to accommodate that (on one side for sure .... perhaps maybe both).

There is also a big history with my choices in life that I am trying incredibly hard not to influence our plebe-to-be, which is also very difficult not to do. Almost exactly 30 years to the day, he will report for I-day when I did (I was c/o '96). I dropped out for various reasons. I do not want that to be his fate, and it is really hard to let go of that and let him be himself and make his own choices. Another great example of parents trying to rectify mistakes from their past through their kids while trying to grapple with letting their kids be individuals and make their own decisions. This is his path, but I don't want him to make the same mistakes I did ........
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First, I’m so sorry for the loss of your first wife and DS’s mom.

Sounds like occasional visits and FaceTime with the little dude will be important. Every family has to do what is right for them.

It also sounds like you are cognizant of not wanting your history to influence his present. That’s a good thing to be aware of.

You have shared your experience as all parents do. And now he lives his own. That’s a beautiful thing. Soak it all in.

I’m excited for your journey in the role of dad of a plebe.
 
IronmanDaremo said:
...Almost exactly 30 years to the day, he will report for I-day when I did (I was c/o '96). I dropped out for various reasons...
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I am interested in how the "various reasons" have stacked up to the test of time. Like most things that "seemed like a big deal at the time", do the various reasons now seem like they would have been easy to get around, for you?

I remembered I-Day in 2018 recently, when everyone was about 20 minutes late marching in, because they couldn't find two of the Plebes. To see the look of bewilderment and terror on the faces of the Detailers was sort of priceless. It wasn't until just last month during commissioning week that my son told me that they couldn't find those Plebes that day because they had left and never told anyone. That first day of going from civilian to military can be a little off-putting. :p
 
IronmanDaremo said:
We are kind of unique (isn't everyone???). Son's birth mom died when he was 8 from a super aggressive cancer. Met my current wife only a few months after my first's passing. Step-mom has been a big part of his life since and the kids started calling her "Mom" even before we got married. Fast forward to 2018 and we had an unexpected child of our own. The little dude (now 3-1/2) looks up to his second biggest bro more than the other two, we believe. And plebe-to-be is amazing with him. I think there will need to be some transition as plebe-to-be grows into his role and the littlest dude learns to let his big bro grow up. There may need to be some visits to accommodate that (on one side for sure .... perhaps maybe both).

There is also a big history with my choices in life that I am trying incredibly hard not to influence our plebe-to-be, which is also very difficult not to do. Almost exactly 30 years to the day, he will report for I-day when I did (I was c/o '96). I dropped out for various reasons. I do not want that to be his fate, and it is really hard to let go of that and let him be himself and make his own choices. Another great example of parents trying to rectify mistakes from their past through their kids while trying to grapple with letting their kids be individuals and make their own decisions. This is his path, but I don't want him to make the same mistakes I did ........
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Our DD just finished her doolie year at USAFA and we do not live close. She has 2 younger brothers, that miss her, but we have found ways to keep that connection. We have fallen into a fairly regular schedule of FaceTiming each weekend, usually whenever she is available. It's not a set time, just when she's available and the family at home is around. There have certainly been weekends that we have missed, because either she was busy or the timing didn't work on our end, but more often than not we connected. It seems like it has worked for both of us and has kept that relationship with her brothers, it looks different, but the connection is still there and she is still involved. There will definitely be a time of transition, but I'm sure your family will find what works for you.

My grandmother always said that we have to let people live their own life. It's something I often repeat to myself when I'm trying to give cautionary advice that people don't always want to hear. It certainly is much easier to say than to put into practice, but try to remind myself often of her advice. We as parents can guide them, but your son will find his own path and will be okay. Best of luck!
 
Short story bottom line is I was mentally burned out, my heart wasn't in it anymore, and I really did not see my career being in the military.

Longer story (for those who care, or want a good story, or just have time to kill) ..... I grew up a Navy officer brat. Loved the moving around, going onto my dad's ships, and all the ideas of being an officer. My entire life goal was to be an officer like my dad, but going the flight or SEAL route instead of SWO. School came super easy to me, I was placed in advanced classes since elementary school, and I didn't have to work hard to do well. In high school I did my first year and a half in SC while my dad was stationed in Charleston for his XO tour. The schools there were a joke and I was taking AP physics and trig./analyt. in 10th grade with all the seniors, and they had an AFJROTC unit I joined, and made LT in my sophomore year (only one of two "officers.". We moved back to Annapolis, and I was thrown back into the classes with my peers from middle school, and I actually had to do some work to succeed. But I didn't give a sh-t, and wanted to party with my friends, meet girls, and just get through. So when I applied to the USNA and USCGA during high school, my GPA was average at best (3.3). I didn't get into the USNA, and was an alternate at the USCGA.

So I went plan B and flew to Hawaii to attend UH at Manoa and study architecture. Unfortunately, I didn't have housing, and all the rooms/apartments I could find were over $800/month (and we're talking 1989 dollars here). I flew home, screwed around with odd jobs, and said f--k it and joined the Army. I wanted to fly, and the best chance of that without a degree was to go the flight warrant route through the Army, and I figured the best way to get an in with the pilots and possible recommendations was to go in as an aircraft mechanic. But I also still dreamed of the USNA, so I continued to apply for another cycle (after skipping one). Iraq invaded Kuwait, my unit got sent over to Saudi in December of '90, and I gave up on the idea of the Academy since I was not going to be released from an active theater! Of course, this one in the desert didn't last long, and we were back in Germany by May of '91.

The day after we got back from Saudi, I met with the spec ops (Green Beret) recruiter since I had gotten my E-4 while in Saudi, and would be eligible to apply. We talked about scheduling the pre-qual. stuff to try to get me to Q school (at the time, a 3-week shakedown to see if you would be a good candidate for the field), and I was super excited. Literally the next day, I got a letter from USNA offering me a NAPS slot. Jumped all over that! They had to get me released from my 6-year contract (of which I was only 19 months in). Flew back home to Annapolis for a week of rest, then reported to NAPS a week late. Back then, it was a 3-week boot camp scenario, and I was given a pass on the first week due to my situation. Reported, enlisted in the Navy (and they wouldn't transfer my rank, so I was dropped back down to an E-1 :mad: - strike one for the Navy), and started the shenanigans. Detailers were all my age, or younger, and had never seen the real world of the military, so I began to get a little tainted by getting fussed at by people still wet behind their ears - strike two.

They made me one of midshipman candidate company commanders right off the bat, and served that for the first trimester. Took classes a little more seriously, but still slacked. I was not impressed by a lot of the kids they had picked for the program, and I questioned further my motivation to continue. But I figured I was already there, and basically guaranteed my appointment, so f--k it, and keep going. Got my appointment for c/o '96, left NAPS and went home for leave for a few weeks. I almost declined then, but figured that would not end well. So I reported for I-day a day early, like all the priors, and got ready for the next round of shenanigans.

Plebe summer was super easy for me, had zero issues with any of the stuff. Tested into a high level "experimental" calc class, and tested out of English, but my head was long gone at that point. Ended up putting in my drop request later in the summer. I didn't want to start classes and waste my or others time.

I could have overcome my negativity. There are a lot of "guidance" issues that were heavily lacking during my youth, and I rarely was given course corrections. It made me make a lot of my own decisions, good, bad, or indifferent. In retrospect, I would really have benefited from parents who were involved in my decisions, and helped me on my path instead of leaving it all up to me. And I have learned that I was quite the arrogant pr-ck. I know now I am not better than anyone else, and looking for attention by bragging about accomplishments and strutting knowledge is a stupid thing.

As always, you try to make up for the mistakes of the parenting you received with your own kids, sometimes it is difficult to not go overboard with that aspect .......
 
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Well-placed sources on the Yard tell me Class of '26 Plebe Summer will be a "real" Plebe Summer last experienced by Class of '23 (current Firsties) pre-COVID. I am also told by sources that '24 and '25 had a somewhat "watered-down" Plebe Summer due to limited personal contact with Plebes, some training evolutions cancelled, and other "traning sessions" that were simply not executed the same way due to COVID restrictions. Good news: USNA '26 will have a great Plebe Summer!
 
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