Short Essays

FØB Zero

FØB Zero

Enthusiastically American
Joined
Jul 30, 2019
Messages
205
Hi,
The essay character counts are extremely low. Therefore, does admissions want the essays to be very direct and straightforward? (I don’t think there’s room for a creative theme, like one would have in regular college essays).

Pls let me know your thoughts/opinions/experiences on this. Thank you.
 
I would be direct and straightforward.

Also - Every opportunity you have to give additional information - take advantage of it. The application has many places where you can offer additional information. Don't leave any of them blank. Good Luck
 
EEBTTF said:
I would be direct and straightforward.

Also - Every opportunity you have to give additional information - take advantage of it. The application has many places where you can offer additional information. Don't leave any of them blank. Good Luck
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If I’m one of two females on a sports team (of 30+guys), should I save it for the resume or add it in my essay?
 
FØB Zero said:
If I’m one of two females on a sports team (of 30+guys), should I save it for the resume or add it in my essay?
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If it relates to the essay topic and you can slide it in while concisely explaining how it benefitted you/taught you a lesson/whatever the essay prompt asks, then sure. Otherwise, I would save it for the resume.
 
FØB Zero said:
Hi,
The essay character counts are extremely low. Therefore, does admissions want the essays to be very direct and straightforward? (I don’t think there’s room for a creative theme, like one would have in regular college essays)

Pls let me know your thoughts/opinions/experiences on this. Thank you.
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I’m applying for the MO I’m assuming you are as well. I have written my essays and have gotten straight to the point. Point out your most successful leadership positions and areas where you have learned. I first wrote my first essay with 6,000 characters. Such a fun editing experience.
 
Military communications are precise, focused, well-organized, responsive to the query, shorn of extraneous content, hyperbole and $5 dollar words when a 50-cent word would do. Don’t say “In order to.” Say “To,” see if it works. Don’t use “utilize.” Try “Use.”
 
Devil Doc said:
By all means don't start the paper by telling the service how they are "the greatest fighting force in the history of the world."

They already know that.
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Yes^^^^^

Ditch the “my entire life I have wanted to be...” That’s not true, unless you were one weird baby.

Tell the story only you can tell. “The mom of one of my 6th grade school friends came in on Career Day, and I was amazed by what she talked about as a Navy helo pilot.”

Don’t parrot back stuff about what USXA can do for you. They already know this. Don’t talk about leadership as if you have nothing more to learn. The best leaders remain teachable. Figure out how you align with the stated mission of USXA.
 
Capt MJ said:
Yes^^^^^

Ditch the “my entire life I have wanted to be...” That’s not true, unless you were one weird baby.

Tell the story only you can tell. “The mom of one of my 6th grade school friends came in on Career Day, and I was amazed by what she talked about as a Navy helo pilot.”

Don’t parrot back stuff about what USXA can do for you. They already know this. Don’t talk about leadership as if you have nothing more to learn. The best leaders remain teachable. Figure out how you align with the stated mission of USXA.
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Thank you! When you say “don’t talk about leadership as if you have nothing more to learn” how can I emphasize that I know I still have a lot of room to improve
 
FØB Zero said:
Thank you! When you say “don’t talk about leadership as if you have nothing more to learn” how can I emphasize that I know I still have a lot of room to improve
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“Though I gained a few basics through my Eagle Scout/other main thing, I still have much to learn through the daily challenges at USXA.” You have a good start on expressing it clearly. I had in mind the applicant who writes “I know I am a great candidate for USXA due to my extensive leadership experience as (resume-like list), and (more over-the-top self-puffery in tone stuff).” It’s HOW you present it. Tone is important.

The SAs see thousands of applications year after year, with similar lists for roles, activities, accomplishments. Show you have potential. “I found myself stumped by X when leading peers in a Y project, until I tried Z to motivate them and understand what would bring us together as a team. I enjoyed the challenge and want to build a bigger leadership toolkit.”

I am making this up off top of head, but it is not unlike the many job interviews I have done. I can see what’s on their resume. I’ve seen it before. Don’t re-hash the obvious. Now, show me YOU and tell me how you figured something out, demonstrated both good follower-ship and leadership, learned from a mistake, realized it wasn’t as easy as it looked, why you and my company would be a good mutual fit.

“Avoid hubris. Remain teachable.” Found in many great leadership philosophies. Never too early to ingrain that approach.
 
I would be more impressed by NOT using the full character allotment, and a response that read smoothly, coherently, informatively, taking just enough space. That shows confidence and competence.
 
Capt MJ said:
I would be more impressed by NOT using the full character allotment, and a response that read smoothly, coherently, informatively, taking just enough space. That shows confidence and competence.
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Thank you for such detailed advice! Exactly what I was looking for😄
 
Capt MJ said:
“Though I gained a few basics through my Eagle Scout/other main thing, I still have much to learn through the daily challenges at USXA.” ****. I enjoyed the challenge and want to build a bigger leadership toolkit.”
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Agree 100% except for "toolkit." Avoid military/government/corporate buzzwords lest the selection committee think your mom or dad wrote the essay for you.
 
Bash On said:
Agree 100% except for "toolkit." Avoid military/government/corporate buzzwords lest the selection committee think your mom or dad wrote the essay for you.
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Excellent guidance to use vocabulary appropriate for your age and experience.

I do think “toolkit” has bled into widespread usage over the years, as happens with popular terms. A random search shows it on Boy Scout websites, HS guidance counselor websites, youth sports websites, youth program websites and other random and general places. Good educational exercise, and to repeat above, excellent advice to avoid terms that might not be common in your usual vocabulary.
 
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Capt MJ said:
I do think “toolkit” has bled into widespread usage over the years, as happens with popular terms.
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Darn. Lost another language battle, then. Guess "socialize" will be the next to enter the common lexicon from the buzzword list.
 
Bash On said:
Darn. Lost another language battle, then. Guess "socialize" will be the next to enter the common lexicon from the buzzword list.
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Related - I heard Dr. Birx use “granular” twice in a recent press briefing, and I had to laugh. That term is like mushrooms after a spring rain. Goes in and out of popularity at the Pentagon. I admit to playing “Buzzword Bingo” during endless PowerPoint briefings; we actually had a Bingo grid made up with popular terms. How many different ways can you say “next steps,” “the way ahead,” “the path forward,” etc.

Sorry to derail from the core message of using solid English uninflected by buzziness.
 
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