The military is not always conducive to successful relationships for those who require constant and interconnected presence, physical or digital, in each other’s lives, and have a hard time functioning in solo mode, both planned and unplanned. It’s a matter of what two people need and want in their relationship, what can flex, what cannot. The Reserves can also be quite demanding - though this 20-year war is over, there will be other conflicts and situations where the Reserves may be called up, when 6 months can get extended to 12. Or more. Or not so much at all. Unpredictable at times. You might not be home for your child’s birth, assuming you are not the carrier.
People in the military trade time for benefits and the opportunity to serve and grow. It takes a very strong and independent partner to cope with this and continue to grow in the relationship. Commitment, communication, clarity (many relationships founder on the rocks and shoals of misaligned expectations and assumptions), maturity, trust, resiliency, understanding, patience, compromise, and yes, romantic love, are all critical to the relationship’s survival over time and countless bumps in the road.
There is a saying that relates to friendships, “There are friends of an age, there are friends of a stage, there are friends for the rest of your life.” I think the same holds true for romantic partners. My college BF was a smart, funny, wonderful guy who treated me very well. He was a business major who planned to go into retail management in the same area as the university, and the assumptions started to become apparent that I was expected to be part of that (assumptions and expectations right there). When I returned from a semester abroad, I knew in my heart I had places to go, things to see, people to meet, and though I wasn’t sure how I was going to do that, I realized staying in the local area, finding some kind of employment, and putting down roots there was not my path, despite what a fine person he was and my sincere and deep care for him. I had some friends in the AROTC unit there, and I found myself admiring their focus on service, professional aspirations, and wide variety of places they could go, things they could do, people they could meet. Then the Navy OCS recruiters found me my senior year, and I saw my path take shape. A profession, service, people/places/things, water-based service (critical for someone who grew up on a coastal barrier island around small boats and water sports, decent benefits, graduate education programs - it all propelled me toward a decision that would have primary, secondary and tertiary consequences. That was a difficult breakup, but we worked through it, and he said he knew I was being called to service and couldn’t ask me to not do what I so clearly wanted to. He was a “friend of a stage,” important and meaningful at the time, but someone I knew was not the “long-haul guy.”
If you are interested in service to the country, but not the military deployments and lifestyle, active or Reserve, research the many Federal civil service programs for college students, with internships, scholarships, etc. There are the civil service Pathways programs, which focus on recent college graduates. You can stay in one place and have a lot more control over your life, yet still serve. The Fed also understands Reserve and Guard activations, so you might still do the other.
For example, Google “college programs Department of Treasury” (or any department or agency):
Student Internships (Headquarters)Law Student Internships (Headquarters)Pathways ProgramsINTERNATIONAL AFFAIRS FELLOWSHIP
home.treasury.gov