Apologies for the length of this message. I called it the 1 percent because I think someone estimated the other day that around 1 percent of candidates don’t make it through indoc…
We dropped our son off at indoc. He went in with a huge smile on his face, proud of getting to this point and excited to get started. He knew it wouldn’t be easy but he had worked so hard to get here and it was finally becoming a reality. The bubble wrap had worked and he arrived in full ready to go condition.
We never guessed that we’d be picking him up a mere four days later.
His service academy journey is over. A decision he will hopefully never regret. We can still hardly believe it and are heartbroken for him. I haven’t known what, if anything, to say on here but I didn’t want to just disappear. This forum and so many of you were a source of great advice and guidance to us for so long. I once again want to thank you for that.
In short, our son suffered some minor injuries by day 2, one of which was more bothersome than the other but neither of which would “justify” leaving. Somewhere along the way, he began having panic attacks, saying he couldn’t deal with the mental stress. He hadn’t slept at all really, which made it all the more difficult to rationalize with him. Certain things that were supposed to happen didn’t (rest from PT as directed by the hospital, a discussion with the chaplain as requested by my son, the involvement of campus counseling or his coach by hr) but I can’t blame any of that and doing so would not change the outcome. The reality of this kind of life would never guarantee “concessions” like that. You have to be able to push through on your own. So, I guess it’s better to know now than later and perhaps that’s the real point of indoc.
We pushed him to stick it out one more day after his first hospital visit but could not push him beyond that. We agreed when he called again on the following day that he could begin separation and hoped that someone involved in that process might get through to him with a different perspective - but that did not happen.
I can’t tell you how we ever could have anticipated this. I can’t tell you what’s different about my son than the other 280 candidates that remain. He has no history of anxiety. He’s been away from home before. He’s been yelled at (mainly by me!). I can tell you that I’ve had to stop looking at pictures of indoc, trying to see something in the eyes of the other candidates that is different. It’s also too painful to watch them begin seizing the tremendous opportunities the academy offers, knowing how much my son would enjoy those activities. Seeing them begin to bond and knowing he won’t get to know these other amazing future leaders only reminds me of how much he has lost.
I can also tell you that it becomes a very fine line for a parent to walk between pushing your child to dig deep and stick it out and pushing them past their limit and truly breaking them, perhaps for good. For us, what we heard in his voice, what a kind parent who went to see him in the hospital saw, and the medical director telling us that the mere mention of returning to the regiment caused our son to “decompose” were the final straws.
He won’t tell us the full story of what he experienced but he is talking to a counselor. None of his plan Bs work any longer as they were ROTC based and/or involved studying criminal justice for a career in law enforcement if he did not stay in the military. He’s afraid to go far from home until the panic is under control so we’re creating new plan Bs at more local schools with an undecided major. He says he still wants to find a way to serve but is struggling with knowing what he would be able to handle. He’s spoken of maybe becoming an EMT but that is certainly not guaranteed to be light on mental stress. We’ll figure it all out with him, in time.
I share all of this in case it helps anyone else, in case you have questions, and with sincere hope that it doesn’t do more harm than good!
Those of you with PCs still going through it, no news is good news, please don’t let this scare you! My son has said that he doesn’t think anything done to him was beyond the realm of what he knew would happen going in, he just didn’t anticipate the way it would affect him.
Farewell to the many fabulous folks who sustain this forum and fill it with their great wisdom. It was a very blessed and lucky day that Google led me to all of you.
I’ll check back in the coming few days, in case anyone has questions about what I’ve shared, and then I’ll separate as I have from the umpteen academy social media groups that I’d joined and loved participating in.
Best of luck always to the class of 2025! They’re going to do great things.
We dropped our son off at indoc. He went in with a huge smile on his face, proud of getting to this point and excited to get started. He knew it wouldn’t be easy but he had worked so hard to get here and it was finally becoming a reality. The bubble wrap had worked and he arrived in full ready to go condition.
We never guessed that we’d be picking him up a mere four days later.
His service academy journey is over. A decision he will hopefully never regret. We can still hardly believe it and are heartbroken for him. I haven’t known what, if anything, to say on here but I didn’t want to just disappear. This forum and so many of you were a source of great advice and guidance to us for so long. I once again want to thank you for that.
In short, our son suffered some minor injuries by day 2, one of which was more bothersome than the other but neither of which would “justify” leaving. Somewhere along the way, he began having panic attacks, saying he couldn’t deal with the mental stress. He hadn’t slept at all really, which made it all the more difficult to rationalize with him. Certain things that were supposed to happen didn’t (rest from PT as directed by the hospital, a discussion with the chaplain as requested by my son, the involvement of campus counseling or his coach by hr) but I can’t blame any of that and doing so would not change the outcome. The reality of this kind of life would never guarantee “concessions” like that. You have to be able to push through on your own. So, I guess it’s better to know now than later and perhaps that’s the real point of indoc.
We pushed him to stick it out one more day after his first hospital visit but could not push him beyond that. We agreed when he called again on the following day that he could begin separation and hoped that someone involved in that process might get through to him with a different perspective - but that did not happen.
I can’t tell you how we ever could have anticipated this. I can’t tell you what’s different about my son than the other 280 candidates that remain. He has no history of anxiety. He’s been away from home before. He’s been yelled at (mainly by me!). I can tell you that I’ve had to stop looking at pictures of indoc, trying to see something in the eyes of the other candidates that is different. It’s also too painful to watch them begin seizing the tremendous opportunities the academy offers, knowing how much my son would enjoy those activities. Seeing them begin to bond and knowing he won’t get to know these other amazing future leaders only reminds me of how much he has lost.
I can also tell you that it becomes a very fine line for a parent to walk between pushing your child to dig deep and stick it out and pushing them past their limit and truly breaking them, perhaps for good. For us, what we heard in his voice, what a kind parent who went to see him in the hospital saw, and the medical director telling us that the mere mention of returning to the regiment caused our son to “decompose” were the final straws.
He won’t tell us the full story of what he experienced but he is talking to a counselor. None of his plan Bs work any longer as they were ROTC based and/or involved studying criminal justice for a career in law enforcement if he did not stay in the military. He’s afraid to go far from home until the panic is under control so we’re creating new plan Bs at more local schools with an undecided major. He says he still wants to find a way to serve but is struggling with knowing what he would be able to handle. He’s spoken of maybe becoming an EMT but that is certainly not guaranteed to be light on mental stress. We’ll figure it all out with him, in time.
I share all of this in case it helps anyone else, in case you have questions, and with sincere hope that it doesn’t do more harm than good!
Those of you with PCs still going through it, no news is good news, please don’t let this scare you! My son has said that he doesn’t think anything done to him was beyond the realm of what he knew would happen going in, he just didn’t anticipate the way it would affect him.
Farewell to the many fabulous folks who sustain this forum and fill it with their great wisdom. It was a very blessed and lucky day that Google led me to all of you.
I’ll check back in the coming few days, in case anyone has questions about what I’ve shared, and then I’ll separate as I have from the umpteen academy social media groups that I’d joined and loved participating in.
Best of luck always to the class of 2025! They’re going to do great things.