The Empty Nest

ProudDad17

ProudDad17

5-Year Member
Joined
Nov 3, 2016
Messages
1,289
Coming up on the one year anniversary of DS commissioning. DD finding her way through adulting. DW and I navigating the empty nest. The good and the bad. We talk to DD (non military) pretty much daily. DS deployed in Japan and we talk to him when we can. The good? No kids around when we want our time. The bad? No kids around. The interesting part is we planned to sell the big house we live in once the kids were out of college and downsize, but now we find we love it too much and can’t picture leaving. DD coming home to visit with boyfriend in a couple weeks. He’s a great guy and someone very good for DD. Planning to go visit DS in July or August. My career is winding down as it feels like DW’s is ramping up. Life is good, even if a bit different. Post your empty nest or soon to be empty nest story.
 
ProudDad17 said:
Coming up on the one year anniversary of DS commissioning. DD finding her way through adulting. DW and I navigating the empty nest. The good and the bad. We talk to DD (non military) pretty much daily. DS deployed in Japan and we talk to him when we can. The good? No kids around when we want our time. The bad? No kids around. The interesting part is we planned to sell the big house we live in once the kids were out of college and downsize, but now we find we love it too much and can’t picture leaving. DD coming home to visit with boyfriend in a couple weeks. He’s a great guy and someone very good for DD. Planning to go visit DS in July or August. My career is winding down as it feels like DW’s is ramping up. Life is good, even if a bit different. Post your empty nest or soon to be empty nest story.
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The house was a lot more active when we had four kids in it. Endless soccer games, hockey games, football games, making lunches for school, driving here-and-there, etc. Work all week, mow lawn on Saturday, Little League on weekends. Collapse on Sunday night, rinse, repeat.

Then they got their driver's licenses and the misses & I bought a beater (used car) and they weren't so dependent on us parentals for rides. Good, right? Well, not so much. Missed the conversations during the drives.

Then they when away for college and/or military service. Oh, not like the 1970s, due to email, texting, cell phones, etc., but still a shock. Lonely.

Remember when you were on active duty & couldn't wait to get out & have some, like, relaxation, privacy? And then it happened & you were...bored? Missing the barracks & a hundred guys around?

Honestly, we had some boomerang experiences during 2020-2021 Covid Pandemic, couple of kids moving back for a time. It was GREAT. Watched 6 seasons of "Monk" and 7 seasons of "House" throught streaming videos while hoarding toilet paper. And beer.

Now, my house is worth $300K more than 2 years ago, but we use only one out of four bedrooms. The once busy home is quiet. And if we sell, where to go? I guess Florida is an option, but the misses wants to be close to Boston hospitals (cancer survivor - yeah!) and the now-grown up kids. And future grandkids. Fingers crossed.

Wish I could do it all over again and cherish more than I did.

Cats in the cradle.

I wish I were 34 again, pulling in the driveway & hearing "Daddy's home!" from excited rugrats. Nirvana.
 
Day-Tripper said:
The house was a lot more active when we had four kids in it. Endless soccer games, hockey games, football games, making lunches for school, driving here-and-there, etc. Work all week, mow lawn on Saturday, Little League on weekends. Collapse on Sunday night, rinse, repeat.

Then they got their driver's licenses and the misses & I bought a beater (used car) and they weren't so dependent on us parentals for rides. Good, right? Well, not so much. Missed the conversations during the drives.

Then they when away for college and/or military service. Oh, not like the 1970s, due to email, texting, cell phones, etc., but still a shock. Lonely.

Remember when you were on active duty & couldn't wait to get out & have some, like, relaxation, privacy? And then it happened & you were...bored? Missing the barracks & a hundred guys around?

Honestly, we had some boomerang experiences during 2020-2021 Covid Pandemic, couple of kids moving back for a time. It was GREAT. Watched 6 seasons of "Monk" and 7 seasons of "House" throught streaming videos while hoarding toilet paper. And beer.

Now, my house is worth $300K more than 2 years ago, but we use only one out of four bedrooms. The once busy home is quiet. And if we sell, where to go? I guess Florida is an option, but the misses wants to be close to Boston hospitals (cancer survivor - yeah!) and the now-grown up kids. And future grandkids. Fingers crossed.

Wish I could do it all over again and cherish more than I did.

Cats in the cradle.

I wish I were 34 again, pulling in the driveway & hearing "Daddy's home!" from excited rugrats. Nirvana.
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I could have written this post. 4 kids, 3 exchange students, our huge house was always loud and bustling!!

Now? It feels like a museum. We are starting to get rid of stuff. Retirement on the 5 to 10 yr plan. A grand has come into our world and another one the way. And let me tell ‘ya, being near them is a GOOD idea. He fills my soul. And will soon start peewee sports and swim lessons. And we will get to watch. He adores his Nanna and Poppa. I watch him during the day and Poppa comes home for lunch just to see him.

Different things start to fill up the empty buckets. And those buckets change. Now? I adore my boys coming home, but also appreciate their leaving. I can feel the change within me.

Circle of life ⭕️!!
 
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The circle does return. Oldest of three off to USNA and then away. Son off to Mass Maritime and then away. Youngest to Nursing School and then away. Great visits but long periods in-between. Daughter will be interning this summer in our state and will be living with us. Wife has been child proofing the house for two days anticipating arrival of three year old and one year old grandchildren. Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in! Can't wait:biggrin:
 
My husband and I are adjusting....slowly. Letting go of what was and embracing what is. Miss both kids so much - both in college, the younger at USAFA. When my oldest left it was hard, when the second left, it was REALLY hard and we were unprepared for how much we would pine for the days when we were a family under one roof. Having the pack all together during the pandemic probably added to the difficulty of letting go. Of course, USAFA is another "different" we weren't expecting. So happy for our DS as he is thriving there and this is his journey, but it doesn't stop us from missing the kid we dropped off on I Day.

We look at each other and ask...did people tell us how difficult it was going to be and we just didn't listen or just didn't get it? Time to figure out what comes next...trying to focus on our goals and objectives again but it's always been about the kids so it's oddly like starting over. Appreciate the analogy of the buckets changing...gives me hope. Logically I know this next phase can be wonderful too, just not easy closing the door on the last one.
 
Day-Tripper said:
The house was a lot more active when we had four kids in it. Endless soccer games, hockey games, football games, making lunches for school, driving here-and-there, etc. Work all week, mow lawn on Saturday, Little League on weekends. Collapse on Sunday night, rinse, repeat.

Then they got their driver's licenses and the misses & I bought a beater (used car) and they weren't so dependent on us parentals for rides. Good, right? Well, not so much. Missed the conversations during the drives.

Then they when away for college and/or military service. Oh, not like the 1970s, due to email, texting, cell phones, etc., but still a shock. Lonely.

Remember when you were on active duty & couldn't wait to get out & have some, like, relaxation, privacy? And then it happened & you were...bored? Missing the barracks & a hundred guys around?

Honestly, we had some boomerang experiences during 2020-2021 Covid Pandemic, couple of kids moving back for a time. It was GREAT. Watched 6 seasons of "Monk" and 7 seasons of "House" throught streaming videos while hoarding toilet paper. And beer.

Now, my house is worth $300K more than 2 years ago, but we use only one out of four bedrooms. The once busy home is quiet. And if we sell, where to go? I guess Florida is an option, but the misses wants to be close to Boston hospitals (cancer survivor - yeah!) and the now-grown up kids. And future grandkids. Fingers crossed.

Wish I could do it all over again and cherish more than I did.

Cats in the cradle.

I wish I were 34 again, pulling in the driveway & hearing "Daddy's home!" from excited rugrats. Nirvana.
Click to expand...
Oh, the house. We have a large house with a big yard and pool. The plan was to downsize once both kids were off to college. Then it was, let's wait until they are out of college, so they have a familiar place to come home to over the summer and breaks. DS has graduated and DD has decided college is not her path, at least for now. House is worth over double what we bought for and is way more than we need, but we can't picture moving any time soon. We love our yard. The dog is in the pool every day (at least 9 months a year) and it is home. The excuse now is that retirement is only a couple years off for me and DD and her BF are talking about relocating this summer. They are currently a state away and we would like to be closer to them when/if any grandkids come around.

On the plus side, I side have a dog and two cats who greet me at the door when I come home, a wife I adore and too many blessings to count.
 
This is a topic that I am working through right now and don’t know where quite I stand. If I’m honest with myself, I have some regrets very much along the Cat and the Cradle lines. That profession has left me with the ability to retire now if I had to; my wife and I would leave our absurdly blue, high tax state without a second thought except for our large extended family and the hope that our children will be drawn back to the area to sink their own roots. For now I cannot see the future- they are as independent, as obliviously self-absorbed as I was at the same age.
 
Day-Tripper said:
Missed the conversations during the drives
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Oldest son is away at college and youngest is a plebe at WP. I really miss the late night conversations with the 3 of us.

DS at WP I think senses things are changing. He said we need to plan a family vacation. He just met some Australian cadets during Sandhurst week and wants to start planning a trip to Australia.
 
We started to really embrace the empty-nesting when our2 kids were both in NROTC and Academy far away. They are only a year apart, so we were quickly moved into this new phase of life. We starting traveling by ourselves as a couple, which we never did when the kids were home; We always did family vacations. We also started taking annual trips with our group of friends who are all in this same phase of life. We got season tickets to the Broadway Series in our city and started bringing friends with us to our NFL games that we have had season tickets to since the kids were young. Both of the kids are serving at the opposite sides of the country. Visiting them, or them coming home, has been hard with deployments and COVID restrictions. They are both married and our DS and his wife are now expecting a baby. We know that will mean more visits to see them. We think both of our kids will do "5 & Dive" but don't know where they will settle down. Our family home that we have been in for 17 years is not too large and is a perfect retirement home for us, which we are planning to do in 2 1/2 years. We bought a lake cabin that we escape to and hope our kids and their spouses/family will be able to join us at when they have the ability to take leave or they separate from the military. We love our new phase of life, just as much as we loved raising our two, strong, independent kids. Life is good!
 
I think the cat in the cradle feeling is probably pretty universal for parents as they face their children entering adulthood and reflect on missed opportunities. I certainly had that, looking back on things I missed as the kids grew up. Some of them due to the nature of my job in law enforcement, others due to choices I made as I built a career. Over winter break of DS' senior year of college, we took a family vacation and rented a house near in beach in SoCal. It was a fantastic time. First trip with both kids as adults and we didn't have to be "parents". we were able to relax and just enjoy each other. Listening to the kids' childhood memories as we played games together, I realized DW and I didn't do it perfect, but we did okay and the kids felt like they had a good childhood. Topper for me was DS and I taking the dog for a walk on the beach. Stopped at a local brewery for some to-go refreshments. Had a long talk as we walked, about his excitement and his fears as he moved towards commissioning. He told me that he admired me and I was his role model. Said he admired the way I looked out for those I was responsible for and worked to make them successful. For me, that was the highest praise possible, those words from my son. Excuse me, my allergies are acting up as I type this.
 
"I realized DW and I didn't do it perfect, but we did okay and the kids felt like they had a good childhood"

This times 1000.....

We never really experienced the empty nest feeling, we enjoyed the fact that we had 2 kids that could live on their own, well one maybe more than the other:). Plus the privacy and quiet and just doing things on our schedule overcame the emptiness. The biggest thing I missed was having someone to watch and talk sports with.

And now we have space for grandkids to come and visit...

Today grandchild #2 was born to our youngest son. A little girl. 6 months after a boy was born to our oldest.
Life is good.
 
I‘m sure we’ll feel the empty nest at some point but right now all I feel is excitement for DS heading off to USCGA in June. Honestly I think he is pretty tired of living at home and is ready for this next phase of life. Seeing him happy is worth it to me even if we will miss him (probably more than we know).
 
QA1517 said:
The biggest thing I missed was having someone to watch and talk sports with.
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Same here. I talk to the pets, but they don't really listen unless I have treats in my hand. DS and I had an epic road trip on the way to drop him of for freshman year. Drove from California to Michigan. Went to baseball games in Denver, St. Louis, Kansas City and Chicago. Experienced the total solar eclipse (even though it was an overcast, rainy day) and popped up to the Harley museum. DW and DD flew out and met us there.
 
It sounds silly, but when our youngest and DS left for I Day I promised myself I would go back to school. Get a degree. Check the box. Unbeknownst to me, his older midsib decided the same.

It is a minor thing but she and I will receive our associates degree side by side this May. From the same community college. On the same stage.
I can’t lie, as low a bar as it is, knowing we both set a goal and did it matters. And we randomly will achieve it together.

Empty nesting opens doors. And makes one eternally grateful for decades of memories and love.
 
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