The Law Enforcement Officer (LEO) thread - Post the funny stuff, please!

Okay, I was reminded of this one the other day. Years back, I was an FTO (Field Training Officer) assigned a rookie officer to train. We were sent as a back-up unit to a domestic disturbance call at a residence in an alley. We arrived before the primary unit and as we are pulling up, we see the male half run out of the residence and, across the alley and jump a fence toward the main street. My rookie is close to the end of training and has been doing pretty well. He calls it in over the radio and gets out of the patrol car. As I'm getting out, I see the primary unit zip by on the side street towards the main street. I'm thinking to myself, "We got this guy" (A regular customer of ours), knowing the other unit will be in position to head the suspect off before he gets to the main street and we maintain position in the alley so he can't double back. I then look and see my rookie sprinting towards the side street. I call to him to stop and come back. He doesn't hear me. I can't let him go on his own, so I start to run after him, still calling for him to stop. I hear a noise and look back just in time to see the suspect jumping back over the fence, go to our patrol car and open the door. Yep, rookie left it unlocked. Suspect then speeds away in our patrol car. That is a đź’© feeling to see. I call it in as I look back towards my rookie. His jaw is on the ground and he's white as a sheet as he realizes what is happening. Of course suspect is no kind of good driver and totals our car about a mile away. We had to get a ride to the crash scene in the ambulance that came to check on the female victim. They were snickering about what happened. Wish I had a picture of my rookie's face when he saw our wrecked car. That was not a fun daily training report to write. I'm sure receiving it was worse for him. There is a white board in our briefing room and tradition at the time was that events such as this were memorialized on the white board, and we had some talented artists in the department at the time. Rule is the subject of the board is not allowed to erase it for at least 24 hours. Word came out there was a special exception made for this incident (informally), extending the rule to 96 hours. I still have pictures of that board somewhere. Right after this, the department installed hidden switches in the patrol vehicles that had to be depressed to shift the vehicle out of park. They were kindly named after my trainee and me. Fortunately, they came to be known just by my trainees name; It rolled off the tongue better. Suspect was arrested later that night with the help of a K-9. My trainee has gone on to have a good career and once again works for me as one of my detectives.
 
My little brother was a policeman for a number of years in Norfolk. He was kind of like Serpico. Would have given our own mother a ticket.
1. On Sundays he would set up speed traps… sorry, traffic enforcement… down the street from churches and pull over people who were late to church.
2. After wrecking two cars in high speed chases he was punished by being put on foot patrol: he proceeded to write tickets for all the illegally parked cars. Problem was, that part of town was where all the judges and DAs lived. He was pulled off foot patrol.
3. Dark humor funny. His first shoot out his gun jammed. He panicked, tried to pull back on the receiver but it wouldn’t budge. He then realized he was out of ammunition and had to change magazines.
Fortunately, he and the suspect, who had a shotgun, weren’t hit. As he was booking him, the suspect teased my brother as they were both horrible shots.
My brother was actually a very good shot. It’s just different shooting when someone else is trying to shoot you.
 
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