Unsupportive Parents

kiwicrumble said:
As I-Day draws nearer and nearer, I have begun to struggle more and more with dealing with my parents. Though I truly believe they are wonderful people and have instilled within me great discipline and drive, neither believe the service academies as a whole are a good idea. When my interest in the academies was first piqued five years ago, they discouraged me gently and advised me to look into preparatory academies for medical school (they are both doctors). However, I have remained staunch in my desire to serve.

Recently, disagreements have increased in frequency, volume, and volatility. I was told three days ago that if I received an appointment and accepted I would no longer be welcome in their house. I am heartbroken. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Click to expand...
Do you even want to go to med school? Do they know you can do the prerequisites for med school at USNA? You can go to med school straight outta USNA or serve as a line officer then go to med school after your service obligation. Explain to them why you want to go. Your calling to serve your country honorably. Try to keep the relationship well kept, but be firm in your decision. I would tell them that I love you, but I am doing this no matter what. I hope that you can feel proud that I want to serve my country. Good luck.
 
Such good advice already, and as stated, plenty of threads about this in SA history.

To the OP, one bridge at a time. First, the 'why' for you. Why USNA, why the military, why not medical (if indeed that is true)?

Second, if you don't get an appointment, this may be a mute argument. But either way, the words have been spoken and hurt has occurred, possibly on all sides.

Third, parents at their core, I mean deep down inside, want the best for their kids. Sometimes they want what they envision, not what their son or daughter envisions for themselves. It is likely a centuries old problem.

In the interim, putting on my mom hat, I offer you a virtual hug. Tough times and words for sure. Big picture adulting emotions and experiences for sure.
 
.
I see Dr. G (my Rheumatologist) every 3 months …. She always asks me how our DD Class of ‘24 is doing …. Dr. G has followed DD’s progress for about 8 years since she was a HS freshman … and she’s told me on numerous occasions that she wishes her two high schoolers were as motivated as DD and all the other NA Mids …

If your parents are being demanding and unreasonable … tell them “time out” and that they should go sit in a corner …
.
 
Last edited:
Sealion II said:
Parents who say they would not welcome their child who accepted an appointment to a SA back into their home....okay, I'm going to stop typing. I do not want to get banned from the forum.
Click to expand...
I was thinking the same thing... But no need to stress the OP any more... Perhaps the parents are terrified that their child will be in harm's way in the military and are coping very, very poorly. A tough situation. I believe the OP should stand his ground and have a conversation with them should the Offer of Appointment come, trying to figure out where they are coming from and addressing their concerns.
 
One of my odder battles with the demon auto-correct. I typed “grown-up” 3 different times while in the edit window. I see I lost after all. I had to type it twice here. I don’t think being a green-up is all bad.

If you have to be the green-up,
 
Capt MJ said:
One of my odder battles with the demon auto-correct. I typed “grown-up” 3 different times while in the edit window. I see I lost after all. I had to type it twice here. I don’t think being a green-up is all bad.

If you have to be the green-up,
Click to expand...
I was about to ask you what "green up" is but didn't want to ruin my reputation as a know-it-all.
 
I think my wife and are similar to your parents. There are two reasons why we don't feel the same as they do.

1. We are both professors at the type of elite university that your parents would you to attend. Things have changed quite a bit since we were undergraduates. Young people attending elite universities are no longer treated as students, but are instead treated as customers. I believe this is not a good way to raise a young man/woman.

2. My wife visited the US Naval Academy three times. Each time she has been amazed who wonderful everyone is at the Navel Academy.

3. Ideally, your parents would visit the US Naval Academy on their own. If that is not possible, they could schedule a Zoom with us.
 
newtonsapple said:
I was thinking the same thing... But no need to stress the OP any more... Perhaps the parents are terrified that their child will be in harm's way in the military and are coping very, very poorly. A tough situation. I believe the OP should stand his ground and have a conversation with them should the Offer of Appointment come, trying to figure out where they are coming from and addressing their concerns.
Click to expand...
Valid points. OP will get enough stress at USNA if they get that chance. I sincerely hope it can be reconciled.

Three memories are seared in my brain:
1)The day DD showed me the appointment email.
2) After the oath on I-Day when the plebes visited with parents for ~20 minutes, the call came out to march into Bancroft. She got up off our blanket, straightened her cover, tightened her belt and got into formation.
3) The Thursday of PPW when she got dismissed ~12. The smile on her face when I met her was absolutely priceless.

Maybe OP's parents can happily experience the same.
 
Sealion II said:
Valid points. OP will get enough stress at USNA if they get that chance. I sincerely hope it can be reconciled.

Three memories are seared in my brain:
1)The day DD showed me the appointment email.
2) After the oath on I-Day when the plebes visited with parents for ~20 minutes, the call came out to march into Bancroft. She got up off our blanket, straightened her cover, tightened her belt and got into formation.
3) The Thursday of PPW when she got dismissed ~12. The smile on her face when I met her was absolutely priceless.

Maybe OP's parents can happily experience the same.
Click to expand...
It’s been many years, and I still remember the same things.
 
Heatherg21 said:
I think my bitterness has lessened with time. Had to make room for all the things we did get to experience post all of that loss.

Lots to fill the tanks with thankfully. But I feel ya’ 100%.
Click to expand...
Totally get being bitter. @justme and @Heatherg21. My son was on probably on one of the best HS varsity lacrosse teams ever that's season was nuked. The ramifactions will extend for some time.
 
justme said:
Covid wiped out two of those three. Still bitter.
Click to expand...
I have them with one of my guys, and not with the other. I also lost out on celebrating my 3rd’s graduation form basic (his class was the first pulled from the field during their final week, and first to not have family attend). So no memories with our 3rd.

I have regular coffee dates with two moms whose sons came home their first year spring break, and never went back for a commissioning week with their best buddies. So they lost that amazing week.

I Get it. COVID wiped out so many things, for so many people. Including the death of my Dad.

I’m not bitter. Other memories have filled up those spaces. Including commissioning week. And the bonds those who went through this, together, are stronger and more unique for having gone through it, and come out the other side.

Life is weird.
 
Sealion II said:
Totally get being bitter. @justme and @Heatherg21. My son was on probably on one of the best HS varsity lacrosse teams ever that's season was nuked. The ramifactions will extend for some time.
Click to expand...

Mine was already knocking on D1 qualifying times in the middle of his Jr. year during indoor. His 1600 time was in the 4:40's and his 800 was nearing 2 flat. Still had 4 seasons left to go to get there. We already had hotel booked for indoor nationals and were days from leaving when they canceled the event. And boom, no more running for the rest of his HS career. Yeah, COVID sucked.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top