Hello all, I am currently working on an essay for the USAFA summer seminar application. The topic is “Please discuss any adversity or life challenges that you have encountered that have shaped you into the person you are today?”
I wrote a very personal essay, but I believe that it is a good experience for this particular essay. Currently, the essay is a little long, so I’d first of all like some advice on how to shorten it a bit. Also, I don’t want to seem at all like a victim in the essay. I want the admissions officers to see how I was able to deal with the challenge. (I think I’ve got a pretty good start to this but I’d like to hear an opinion from someone else)
I would appreciate any advice that anybody could provide. Thanks in advance!
The bright life of my childhood unfolded against the backdrop of a storm as I watched the person whom I loved most, my mother, grapple with the tight grips of alcohol. My mother was not a weak person, in fact, in our family, she emerged as a symbol of strength. However, the devastating loss of my brother raged the storm that shattered my mother’s strength, scattering its fragments into the wind. My family’s world was turned upside down, and in the disarray, my mother would resort to alcohol for comfort. It became her refuge, the only way that she could escape from the trauma of losing a child.
Reflecting back to when I was very young, I can recall the erratic nature of her emotions. A moment of happiness would quickly turn into an unpredictable rage. I remember hearing the drunken screams in the middle of the night. I would hide under the covers of my bed as she would come into my room and tear everything that I had to pieces. I was so young that I did not understand what was happening, but I knew my mother was hurting. She was torn from the inside, and there was nothing that I could do to stitch it.
As I grew older, I began to realize what was going on. I noticed the empty vodka bottles in the trash. I felt anger. How could my mother push me away? She had already lost one of her children, why would she want to lose me? I would search her eyes for something, but I'd find nothing. No sparks of life, no emotion. I couldn’t bear it. I began to find ways to get out of the house as much as possible. A volunteer opportunity here and there, sports, and any extracurriculars that I could be involved with.
Eventually, I realized that I could use my experiences at home to better myself in my activities. Lacking a leadership figure in my life, I recognized the need to form my leadership skills. That's when I took a shot in the dark and applied for a job at a National Monument. To my surprise, I was offered a position where I'd be interacting with thousands of people every day. It became an escape for me, something that I was passionate about. My job was to inspire Americans to reach out and explore their National Parks, and that was an amazing feat for a fifteen-year-old. I saw myself becoming a person who inspired others, even though I had never been inspired myself.
My mother watched as I unfolded, stronger than the person she had ever known. I truly believe that this motivated her to start her journey against alcohol. I watched as the grips of the poison started to loosen, and my mother's face returned to its beautiful fullness that I had only seen a handful of times. It's been two months since she started her journey to being sober. I still fear the worst; I still get a sickening feeling every time I drive home from school. Is she home? Is she drunk again? But all I can do is have hope and continue to encourage myself to be a better person.
Overall, through this experience, I have learned a lot about myself. I am stronger than I ever thought I was. I can use my strength to inspire others. I have broken myself down and rebuilt my foundation; even when the foundation was never set for me. Everything is only looking up from here. This is why I want to attend the United States Air Force Academies summer seminar. To find yet another version of myself that I don't know yet. To become an even better leader than I have already discovered.
I wrote a very personal essay, but I believe that it is a good experience for this particular essay. Currently, the essay is a little long, so I’d first of all like some advice on how to shorten it a bit. Also, I don’t want to seem at all like a victim in the essay. I want the admissions officers to see how I was able to deal with the challenge. (I think I’ve got a pretty good start to this but I’d like to hear an opinion from someone else)
I would appreciate any advice that anybody could provide. Thanks in advance!
The bright life of my childhood unfolded against the backdrop of a storm as I watched the person whom I loved most, my mother, grapple with the tight grips of alcohol. My mother was not a weak person, in fact, in our family, she emerged as a symbol of strength. However, the devastating loss of my brother raged the storm that shattered my mother’s strength, scattering its fragments into the wind. My family’s world was turned upside down, and in the disarray, my mother would resort to alcohol for comfort. It became her refuge, the only way that she could escape from the trauma of losing a child.
Reflecting back to when I was very young, I can recall the erratic nature of her emotions. A moment of happiness would quickly turn into an unpredictable rage. I remember hearing the drunken screams in the middle of the night. I would hide under the covers of my bed as she would come into my room and tear everything that I had to pieces. I was so young that I did not understand what was happening, but I knew my mother was hurting. She was torn from the inside, and there was nothing that I could do to stitch it.
As I grew older, I began to realize what was going on. I noticed the empty vodka bottles in the trash. I felt anger. How could my mother push me away? She had already lost one of her children, why would she want to lose me? I would search her eyes for something, but I'd find nothing. No sparks of life, no emotion. I couldn’t bear it. I began to find ways to get out of the house as much as possible. A volunteer opportunity here and there, sports, and any extracurriculars that I could be involved with.
Eventually, I realized that I could use my experiences at home to better myself in my activities. Lacking a leadership figure in my life, I recognized the need to form my leadership skills. That's when I took a shot in the dark and applied for a job at a National Monument. To my surprise, I was offered a position where I'd be interacting with thousands of people every day. It became an escape for me, something that I was passionate about. My job was to inspire Americans to reach out and explore their National Parks, and that was an amazing feat for a fifteen-year-old. I saw myself becoming a person who inspired others, even though I had never been inspired myself.
My mother watched as I unfolded, stronger than the person she had ever known. I truly believe that this motivated her to start her journey against alcohol. I watched as the grips of the poison started to loosen, and my mother's face returned to its beautiful fullness that I had only seen a handful of times. It's been two months since she started her journey to being sober. I still fear the worst; I still get a sickening feeling every time I drive home from school. Is she home? Is she drunk again? But all I can do is have hope and continue to encourage myself to be a better person.
Overall, through this experience, I have learned a lot about myself. I am stronger than I ever thought I was. I can use my strength to inspire others. I have broken myself down and rebuilt my foundation; even when the foundation was never set for me. Everything is only looking up from here. This is why I want to attend the United States Air Force Academies summer seminar. To find yet another version of myself that I don't know yet. To become an even better leader than I have already discovered.
