Sept. 11, 2001....
Burning CDs from Napster I had created a few "drive" mixes. I used to listen to those mixes all the time. REM, Tom Petty, Billy Joel....I would rock out on my drive into school each morning. That Tuesday was the same story.
Hopped into my car, turned on the music and drove into school in Nashville, TN. It was the first semester of my senior year of high school and I was narrowing down the colleges I was applying to.
I don't remember what I did first period that day. I remember how nice it was. It was the perfect fall day.
I do remember second period. I was in Honors English. I was sitting next to my friend Brian. Brian's father was in the Army. Brian was applying to the VMI, the Citadel and the Naval Academy.
Some time in the middle of class a teacher came in and pulled our teacher, Ms. Jackson into the hall. A second later she returned.
"Earlier this morning two planes flew into the World Trade Center and a few minutes ago one crashed into the Pentagon."
There are very few times in a person's life when their entire world changes. There are very few events that change so many lives at one time.
I don't give high school students much credit all the time, I certainly didn't when I was a high school student, but I distinctly remember how alone I felt, and how alone I imagine my classmates felt. In a class full of students, to feel that alone was alarming.
It was hard to focus for the rest of that class. I walked across the building to my next class, Art (yes, one of my easy classes my final year, don't worry, there were a few AP classes mixed in, Art was just a nice break from it). Kids were talking in the halls. You would get little pieces of the conversation. The towers had collapsed. "How is that possible" I thought "Such small planes can't bring down a tower that size". And then it became clear they were commercial airliners.
We were doing still lifes outside. And I think that is the thing I will always remember that day. Maybe a thought I can't shake, and I get a little teary-eyed when i "go back there."
We were outside, and there wasn't a sound. The skies were empty. You don't realize how much ambient sound is out there until it all stops. Silence.
My mother was the guidance counselor at my school, and I stopped by before lunch and just unloaded in her office. Some grief, some rage. Maybe mostly rage. That may have been the first time I realized it was affecting her as much as it was affecting me. That in all of my infinite high school wisdom, I realized that not only was everything different, but REAL adults had just as little idea of what to do as I did. That realization hit me.
I had an AP Physics test that afternoon. I did not care. I let me teacher know to. I'm sure my grade showed it as well. Really, WHO CARES about physics when something reshapes your reality? I certainly didn't. I wouldn't now either.
We went to the local sports bar that night, Cross Corners, and watched President Bush's speech. The bar was packed. At the end of the address people started chanting "U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A".
I cried that night. I think I cried a number of nights after. I watched the coverage every day and I kept thinking "all of that pain and there's nothing I can do...from 1000 miles away, no way to save someone".
I took my Oath on July 1, 2002 and spent the next 9 years in a U.S. Coast Guard uniform. When I joined the Coast Guard was under the Department of Transportation. Just over a year later we were transfered to the newly formed Department of Homeland Security.
On the inside of my ring is my name and below that "Never Forget".
For awhile I would get choked up, not crying, but just that pause you sometimes take, when I would talk about that day. Not sure exactly why. I didn't know anyone in Washington DC, Pennsylvania or New York who died. I didn't see any of the destruction live, or in person. I watched for weeks, from 1000 miles away in Nashville, TN.
At the Coast Guard Academy we had to write a poem for a class. I know I've posted this before, but it helped me not get so choked up, and because it's the 10th Anniversary, I'll share it one last time. It's through the eyes of a high school senior from another part of the country.
When the Skies Fell Silent Over Nashville
On the inside of my gold satin-finish Academy class ring,
Just under my name is inscribed Never Forget.
It was Tuesday, a Tuesday like any other Tuesday,
Maybe better.
Sweet golden sunshine, cool autumn breeze.
Senior year, first semester and I had a full plate.
Advanced placement courses for the entrée, sports on the side.
Life was defined by three important questions,
How much gas is in my car?
What college application is due?
Who is that pretty girl?
Second Period, a Second Period like one on any other day,
Maybe better.
Honors Literature and Shakespeare,
Shakespeare.
Who in their right mind cares about Shakespeare senior year?
It happened.
In a fraction of time I still cannot comprehend,
It all changed, forever.
She walked in.
Her face was a telegram notifying us of the death of our innocence.
Even a senior in high school knows that look,
It’s a look that cuts through you,
It’s a look no boy of 17 wants to see on an adult’s face,
It was the look of fear,
Of utter amazement,
In history, horrific history.
“Earlier this morning two planes crashed into the World Trade Center, and a few minutes ago one flew into the Pentagon.”
Abandonment,
Abandoned by reason,
Abandoned by sensibility,
Abandoned by authority,
I abandoned myself.
Second Period, Tuesday, September 11, 2001 and nothing mattered anymore.
The life defining three important questions were replaced with one,
Where did my world go?
Third Period, a Third Period in a new world,
Art class and sketches.
150 yard trek to Art, listening to the gaggle of high school students as I passed,
Each high school educated goose honking his own story of how he saw the towers crash to the ground,
How he saw people jump from the windows.
Art class, the end of my world, and still-lifes of a car in the street.
Colors, symmetry, angles,
Nothing mattered, nothing but the silence.
In a class of 20, we were all alone,
Together all separated from each other.
From a thousand miles away I felt the impact of four planes,
From a thousand miles away I heard the people cry,
From a thousand miles away I saw the explosion, I saw the people jumping to their deaths,
From a thousand miles away I heard the piercing silence in the skies over Nashville,
And I will Never Forget.