Captain, that blunt discussion is exactly what I seek. I have copied and pasted your response into a file that I can refer to if for some reason I lose access to this content. It is not an infraction of academics, conduct or honor. Best I can describe it, as was mentioned in prior comments is, a "performance" board. I agree with all you say and that's very simple stuff, frankly. But I'm having trouble seeing the forest through the trees on this, so getting to very basic reasoning isn't so easy at this time. Thanks for shining a light on it for me. My Mid is a Senior and has not been to a Board before. The format of the Board, as I understand, is my Mid is given the opportunity at an opening and closing statements In between is the fire storm that my Mid will have to endure. Should my Mid make the opening and closing statements? I would tend to think "yes" as it's the only time my Mid will not be under pressure and hopefully clearly communicate the details you noted. I could go on for hours here asking questions and you don't have the time in the day to answer my 4,000 questions. Do you have any other hard advice for a Dad to hear at this time? Your comments are appreciated.
I vote yes on taking advantage of the opportunity to speak. This is a conversation, though a formal and painful one. Writing it out in advance can help. Reading from it at the hearing is ok (we know they are nervous), as long as they read it with meaning, look up and make eye contact across the board. Short and clear - I understand why I am here, I have done a lot of soul-searching to understand my choices, I am committed to taking responsibility for my choices and acting to correct them, I have sought assistance/guidance from... Closing - thank them for the straight talk, commit to improvement, ask for a second chance - brief and sincere with whatever fits.
My first department head, after one of my Ensign screw-ups, told me “there are no excuses, but there may be good reasons” for what I did. If there are good reasons, bring them up, but acknowledge no excuse. No wandering off the path to blame anyone or anything else.
Trust in how you brought him up. Good mids make bad choices sometimes, and dealing with consequences is part of the maturation of a Mid.
And advice for you - take a walk, pet the dog, sip an adult beverage, pray - whatever helps you navigate watching your son handle something solo. He has told you about it, which is good. You wouldn’t believe the number of mids who did not tell their parents about these kinds of things, even separation hearings.
It is often said here on SAF “you taught them to fly, now step back and watch them soar.” That also includes watching them fall down and pick themselves up.