Thank you "One Love" for making me realize this. I have to own my mistake. No one else can do that but me so here it is. It's a long story. I'm sure for anyone who read my last post before it was pulled, someone has told you their version of it. I promise I'm not a bad person or pathetic or other things I've been called or that you may hear or have heard. I made a mistake. A huge mistake that cost me the Academy because I lied about my height on a weigh ins. There I said it. Is everyone happy now? I lied I made a choice to lie over and over because I thought I wasn't good enough. Nothing I did was right. My company officer made me come back early from winter break because he thought I was stupid. I thought I was stupid. He said I needed to study more even though for once I had over a 2.0. For once in my Midshipman career, I worked my butt of academically and it paid off. Actually a 2.2 overall QPR, and a 3.0 in my English degree. No Ac Board, but what does that matter.This one time in my life where I was actually successful, I got pushed down.Between that and being stressed I lost it. I was angry and mad. I felt like no one wanted to help me and everyone wanted to see me fail. I wanted to belong. So I took the cowards way out. I lied a lot. I still did work outs, I still ate healthy for most of the time and yeah some weight came off but it was never enough in my mind. It seemed easier to lie. To say I was taller than I was. It was wrong, I admit I was wrong. I take ownership of the wrong I did. It's not anyone's fault but my own and I take full responsibility and ownership. As for the sexual assaults that happened to me, they did happen. I ignored the first one for 2.5 years until an upper lass used me for 'favors' when it came to helping me with history homework and navigation homework. I should have seen it coming both times. But I was young and naive. But that doesn't mean that I deserved it. A lot of people think I'm lying about that. I'm not. The SAPRO said "it would ruin his career" when I tried to report it. Another NAPSter tried to rape me and his career was more important than my sanity. How is that ok? It's not. It's not ok. In leaving the Academy, I learned that. The hard way. The painful way. I fell down so hard. Completely hit rock bottom, it was the only way to get back up. So I'm getting back up, slowly but steadily. I'm back at home with my parents who still love me, despite my past and my anger. I know sorry will never be enough but I'm trying. Trying to heal and let go of the pain. I'm at a new school, a better school that fits me. My grades are as good as they were in high school. Finally a 3.55 as something I couldn't be at USNA. A Secondary Education and English major and a double minor in Theater and Creative Writing. I did something I am not proud of. No one is perfect but I have to live with it. Time never stops. I have to live with the fact that I should have done better and I could have done better but I can't go back. I have to move forward and heal the wounds I've caused. I can never undo the hurt I've caused but maybe, just maybe I can take away some of the pain.