- Joined
- Jul 20, 2009
- Messages
- 41
Would anybody like to proofread my Candidate Essay? I would really like to know how it is.
Assignment:
On a separate sheet of paper, explaining in 250 words or less, why you would like to attend a service academy and why you are especially interested in the academy you have listed as your first preference.
I am not really good at expressing how I feel in 250 words. I would like some serious feedback (positive or negative) on how to fix it or make it better. Thanks
[As a citizen of the United States, I have always wanted to serve and give back to this country that gave me excellent opportunities to thrive and become successful. To attend a service academy is a goal of mine. To serve my country would be a continuation of my commitment to service towards academy and then military life. The honor of attending a service academy comes with a responsibility and commitment to serve in the military for a minimum of years upon graduation and I am up for that challenge. Service academies are different compared to other universities because they challenge their students mentally, morally and physically. I have always wanted a challenge to simply set a standard for myself so I may ultimately achieve and overcome my weakness and yet be humble. Upon setting a standard for myself, I am also able to understand discipline and hopefully be able to share it with peers.
If given the opportunity, I would love to attend the United States Naval Academy as a midshipman. I had the chance to go there for the Naval Academy Summer Seminar program. Coming back home, my interest transformed into a desire. At the Academy, I realized how deeply it was ingrained in tradition along with its work in developing future leaders. The daily activities were grueling, but I pushed myself beyond my limits and boundaries and did my best physically, morally and mentally. It left an impression on me and allows me to realize that life will continue to get harder beyond certain points. It only convinced me that I would love to have the opportunity to serve my country as a military officer. ]
Assignment:
On a separate sheet of paper, explaining in 250 words or less, why you would like to attend a service academy and why you are especially interested in the academy you have listed as your first preference.
I am not really good at expressing how I feel in 250 words. I would like some serious feedback (positive or negative) on how to fix it or make it better. Thanks
[As a citizen of the United States, I have always wanted to serve and give back to this country that gave me excellent opportunities to thrive and become successful. To attend a service academy is a goal of mine. To serve my country would be a continuation of my commitment to service towards academy and then military life. The honor of attending a service academy comes with a responsibility and commitment to serve in the military for a minimum of years upon graduation and I am up for that challenge. Service academies are different compared to other universities because they challenge their students mentally, morally and physically. I have always wanted a challenge to simply set a standard for myself so I may ultimately achieve and overcome my weakness and yet be humble. Upon setting a standard for myself, I am also able to understand discipline and hopefully be able to share it with peers.
If given the opportunity, I would love to attend the United States Naval Academy as a midshipman. I had the chance to go there for the Naval Academy Summer Seminar program. Coming back home, my interest transformed into a desire. At the Academy, I realized how deeply it was ingrained in tradition along with its work in developing future leaders. The daily activities were grueling, but I pushed myself beyond my limits and boundaries and did my best physically, morally and mentally. It left an impression on me and allows me to realize that life will continue to get harder beyond certain points. It only convinced me that I would love to have the opportunity to serve my country as a military officer. ]