Christcorp
15-Year Member
- Joined
- May 21, 2008
- Messages
- 5,382
The balancing a checkbook just made me chuckle………
We sponsored cadets for many years (and this was many years ago). I cannot even tell you how many cadets I taught how to balance a checkbook. And the concept seemed difficult to more than one of them. Yep, near perfect SAT scores, but can’t balance a checkbook……
Helicoptering certain does no child any service. I think it is more a "pride" thing for the parent, and often, is a defacto but subtle acknowledgement that Junior is not quite up to snuff, or up to the parents' snuff, anyway.
GradWife, that is so true and in the past I was guilty of that as well. I lost a son to meningitis when he was 16 in 1995 and I was definitely a helicopter mom when my other two, DD and DS, were very young. I leaned on God and what I learned from 20 years in the Navy to help break the habit and I most certainly now let them fail before I would ever think of bailing them out. I am a very involved parent, but I think it's good for them to skin their knees a bit as I really don't want them relying on mom and pop for a place to live and groceries when they are forty. And you can bet your bottom dollar that they know how to balance a checkbook and cook for themselves. In fact, for each of their 12th birthdays, I gave them both the pleasure of doing their own laundry. They thought it was the greatest birthday gift ever! NOT!I've also met a mom who lost a child early on & worried so much about her others that she became the "bubble wrap" mom... so many reasons for helicoptering.
GradWife, that is so true and in the past I was guilty of that as well. I lost a son to meningitis when he was 16 in 1995 and I was definitely a helicopter mom when my other two, DD and DS, were very young. I leaned on God and what I learned from 20 years in the Navy to help break the habit and I most certainly now let them fail before I would ever think of bailing them out. I am a very involved parent, but I think it's good for them to skin their knees a bit as I really don't want them relying on mom and pop for a place to live and groceries when they are forty. And you can bet your bottom dollar that they know how to balance a checkbook and cook for themselves. In fact, for each of their 12th birthdays, I gave them both the pleasure of doing their own laundry. They thought it was the greatest birthday gift ever! NOT!
I think we all agree that there's a difference between being involved with our children, even excessively involved, and being a helo parent. My kids are brats. As such, with all the moving around, I, my wife, and kids are very close. We are each other's best friends. We were use to making friends, then us or them PCS'ing in a year or two. We are very close. Closer than most families. Many military families are.
But we also realized how self sufficient we had to be. Wife taking care of everything while I was deployed. Kids handling their own school problems. Was I involved with my son and daughter's college apps and academy app? Most definitely. Being an ALO, you'd think I would be "too" involved. But that wouldn't be good for either of them. Did I harp on them to make Surtsey did the app, or coordinate with the school to get their transcripts and profile? Yup. I was on their butts constantly. Was I on them to get homework done, get to practice on time, meet their commitments, etc? Constantly. But I NEVER did ANY of it for them. Did I explain portions of the application for them? Yes. Just like I help many on this forum. But I didn't do the app for my son. I didn't speak with or contact his ALO. (No, I'm not allowed to be my sons ALO).
The point is, I, like many, HELPED my kids. I explained the applications, I reviewed and critiqued their resume; I assisted with academy stuff the same way I help many here. But I never filled out one thing for him. I never spoke with his admissions counselor. I never contacted his ALO. I made sure he did it all himself. Same with my daughter applying to civilian universities.
Same with other facets of their lives. My wife taught each how to cook and do laundry, including as part of their chores at home, by the time they were 14. They knew how to manage their finances, use credit properly, work on their cars for basic issues, etc. if they had a problem in school with a class, THEY worked it out with their teachers. I'm not saying I'm the perfect parent. I'm not. My kids will agree. But I've always believed that my number one responsibility, as a parent, besides unconditional love, was to prepare my children to be independent and self sufficient the day they walked out of this house starting their own life. If I allowed them to "NEED" me, then I didn't do my job, and I was doing them a disservice.
And remember, there's a difference between NEEDING me and my help, and wanting it. Just the other day, my son called me from Florida to get my advice on buying a new tv. He didn't NEED my advice, but knowing me as the "techno geek" I am, he used me as a resource. And my daughter, who just left a week ago to move to California with her husband, texted me every time they stopped for a break, just to let me know all was good. Again, we are a very close family. But as I was pointing out, my kids WANT my input, opinions, etc. SOMETIMES. But they never NEED it. If your kids WANT your involvement after graduating, that's good. If your kids NEED your involvement, that's NOT good.
I have not balanced my checkbook in 25 years. Now I stare at the online banking. The bank does that basic math for you! Balancing a checkbook is a time sink.The balancing a checkbook just made me chuckle………
We sponsored cadets for many years (and this was many years ago). I cannot even tell you how many cadets I taught how to balance a checkbook. And the concept seemed difficult to more than one of them. Yep, near perfect SAT scores, but can’t balance a checkbook……
I hope you told him that a 4K set without HDCP2.2 is worthless because the Content Protection flag will remove the 4K capability with pending 4K blueray players and set top boxes. Furthermore, he really should be buying a set with HDMI2.0(a). The letter (a) deals with the pending HDR sets (High Dynamic Range) which is MUCH more important that more pixels. HDR material is stunning and can only be played on HDR. So make sure those sets have HDCP2.2. Worse yet, there are different generations of 2.2 (4:4:4) is what you want. In conclusion, the right answer was to wait a little if he can for the new HDR sets. Else buy a 1K set that they are clearing out at Costco. No one beats their price. If he is off the ocean in FL, BUY THE EXTENDED WARRANTY. Salt is in the air and oxidizes the PC boards.And remember, there's a difference between NEEDING me and my help, and wanting it. Just the other day, my son called me from Florida to get my advice on buying a new tv. He didn't NEED my advice, but knowing me as the "techno geek" I am, he used me as a resource. And my daughter, who just left a week ago to move to California with her husband, texted me every time they stopped for a break, just to let me know all was good. Again, we are a very close family. But as I was pointing out, my kids WANT my input, opinions, etc. SOMETIMES. But they never NEED it. If your kids WANT your involvement after graduating, that's good. If your kids NEED your involvement, that's NOT good.
This thread and the link wasn't started to really start any controversy or to make anyone defensive. It was posted specifically to have parent's look at themselves, subjectively, and not rationalizing their actions, and to ask themselves..... "How much am I DOING for my kid, instead of letting THEM do for themselves"?
"How much am I DOING for my kid, instead of letting THEM do for themselves"?
Same goes with applications, homework, chores, or any task and/or interaction. "Has the child attempted to resolve the issue themselves?" "Has the child done their BEST to take care of it?"