A Differrent Kind of Nomination Essay

Discussion in 'Nominations' started by MedB, Oct 31, 2013.

  1. MedB

    MedB Parent

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    Yes, I'm proud of our DD, but I thought posting her essay might also provide some inspiration for those struggling to write something different from the norm.

    IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: When our 16 year old DD presented her essay outline/idea to us, our reaction was that it was a "high risk - high reward" approach. And we told her that if she started down this path of a narrative style she had to go all the way with it and execute it really well, or don't even try it all. That was all she needed to hear...

    The prompt was something around the characteristics/attributes that would make you a good cadet at an Academy; 300 words or less.

    *************************
    Sweat rolls slowly down my face, to my jaw, off the tip of my chin and soaks into the growing dark pool collecting on my shirt. I can hear nothing but my breathing, a little staggered, rapidly trying to intake more oxygen than my lungs are capable of. Suddenly, I am all too aware of the pain signals my body is sending. My calves scream in defiance each time I take a step and push off the ground again. When a body is under this much strain, the brain is only capable of producing fleeting thoughts. The only ones I can produce are: It’s just a routine workout like the other five I’ll do this week. Why give my all? This is running.

    I shove the pain into the back of my mind, letting my brain process the information it devised. Questioning the motive for tasks that are considered unimportant is normal. The level of difficulty seems unequivalent to the weight of the run. Like hundreds of times before, I mentally compare this run to a typical day of physical training I will face at a Service Academy. I am reminded again that at an Academy, the routine formations are just as important as the grand parades; much like an everyday run is just as valued as the big race. It is in that moment that I know that I will never quit in either situation. The realization dawns on me like never before; somehow this run is different. After years of questioning my motives, I finally discover that determination and perseverance are what drive me to never quit and do my best in any situation. They are a part of my being that will never change. I look at the road ahead, enlightened, and run faster.

    *************************
     
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2013
  2. dcmom3

    dcmom3 Member

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    essay

    I think that is a great essay. I would hate for someone to copy and paste that and take credit for your child's work and emotions
     
  3. kinnem

    kinnem Moderator

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    It actually brought a tear to my eye MedB! For some reason I found it moving. Great essay.
     
  4. USNA02

    USNA02 Parent

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    Wow! That's good stuff!
     
  5. MedB

    MedB Parent

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    @ All - thanks for the kind words.

    @ dcmom - I have to admit for a brief moment I too considered the issue of other candidates perhaps plagiarizing the essay. Howerve these exceptional young men and women are about to commit to living the next decade (at least) of their lifes by a strict code of honor. And most of them already have a moral compass that their peers simply do not posess. So if by chance someone did coopt my DD's words, it would in no way diminish her; only them.
     
  6. kinnem

    kinnem Moderator

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    And I think they have computer software that can detect a lot of that stuff now.
     
  7. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    So many kids ask posters to read their essay on this site, and 95% of the time they are the same old tried and true....when I was 6....I want to attend....

    You all get the point. My mind immediately goes to the cookie cutter mode that we have all seen and starts looking for grammatical errors or waiting for the end of the essay. I never said once I have to meet this kid! I just said to myself, it was good enough to move forward.


    I WANT to meet this kid! Your DD had me hooked from the 1st sentence. As I read the essay I never looked to see if there were errors, I just wanted to read more, and in the end I was sorry there was not more to read. I wanted to know more about now on her runs what is she moving towards, on her runs does she think of her next obstacles, does the cold air or the heat make her approach the run differently(think military missions). I was left with more wonderful questions.

    That is what you want to do for an essay. Leave the reader wanting more! She stood out. If her nom committee is like our DS's when she walks in they will remark something among the lines of "You are the one that wrote..." That is what happened with our DS, and it was the starting point for his interview. They even commented how his approach made them think. Many of his questions were aimed at because of his essay. She will not be just another candidate. There will be a connection right off the bat.

    I too would be worried about somebody lifting and pasting, but I am naive and I believe these kids won't warp it into their own. Instead learn that if an MOC has to read 500 essays, the old " I knew from the 1st time I went to an airshow this was the life for me, and SAXX will give me the best chance to...." is not going to separate you from the pack. It is not going to make the reader say, This kid is the type of kid that we want!

    OBTW kinnem is correct they have the software now. From what I have been told many MOCs scan the essays 1st. The software does the word/character count. Some MOCs are sticklers; if they say 250 words, they will draw the line at 250 and that is where they stop reading. The program also picks up for plagiarism and other essays that have been submitted prior.
    ~~ It is the same type of a program many colleges use for admission essays.
     
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2013
  8. LineInTheSand

    LineInTheSand USCGA 2006

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    Much better than my essay for Washington University in St. Louis....

    Option 3: Write your own essay question and answer it.

    Write your own essay question and answer it.
    Write your own essay question and answer it.​
    Write your own essay question and answer it.​
    Write your own essay question and answer it.​
    Write your own essay question and answer it.​
    Write your own essay question and answer it.​







    .... all the way down the page.... my own little inifite loop of essay questions and answers...
     
  9. kinnem

    kinnem Moderator

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    Good thing you went to USCGA then! :biggrin:
     
  10. MedB

    MedB Parent

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    I don't know... I think Lits's essay might just be another example of "doing more with less" that Coasties always going on about. :wink:
     
  11. LineInTheSand

    LineInTheSand USCGA 2006

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    I had paid the $50 application fee, but had already been accepted to CGA. Would have been a waste not to do something. My dad liked it. My mom did not.

    Anyway, wait listed at Wash U, which wasn't too bad considering my essay!

    I thought of it as "thinking outside the box" or "exposing a lazy essay question". I was sticking it to the man.
     
  12. kinnem

    kinnem Moderator

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    OMG! You were serious!?!?! I figured you were joking! :shake:

    And you're still doing a fine job of it, I might add! :thumb:
     

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