Army ROTC Essay tips/ interview tips

Discussion in 'ROTC' started by scresalia, Jan 3, 2016.

  1. scresalia

    scresalia New Member

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    I am in the process of applying for the Army ROTC and I just want to know some questions that I may get asked during the interview and for someone to go over my essay. I want constructive criticism on what I need to add, to take out and just a over all inspection on it. I am not a big fan of the last section so any pointers on that will be much appreciated. Thank you for all your help!

    Q- Consider carefully, and then state below in the space provided why you wish to enroll in the Army ROTC Program. Indicate in your statement how you believe your own objectives in life are related to the education and training offered by Army ROTC and what a career obligation means to you.

    The Military has always been a dream of mine that I have been longing to fulfill ever since my oldest brother Joseph Joined the Marine Corps when I was five years old. There are numerous reasons on why I want to be part of the brotherhood of the most dominant force the world has ever seen, the United States armed forces with a special emphasis on the Army itself. Being in the military is not just a little boy fantasy of mine and most definitely without a doubt not something I am going to do for the money nor for the lack of nothing else to do. I want to join the Army ROTC program because I know for an absolute fact that the program can enhance me as a person and that I can immensely benefit the Army and our country by being an officer that young men and women need during both difficult and dangerous situations.
    By being the youngest of nine kids, growing up with the Catholic values, working four different jobs, volunteering for various organizations, playing several different sports, and going to a prestigious Catholic high school has prepared me immensely to succeed in every way to take on the challenge of being an officer for the United States Army. These very diverse and rare experiences throughout my life have molded me into the perfect candidate for the ROTC program because they taught me to be respectful to everyone, have integrity with all situations, fulfill all my duties to the best, be selfless in every manner, have loyalty, be confident and courageous during all times and to have honor in all of my actions.
    When one chooses a career, like the Army, should love or at least desire to love their career choice before even considering the idea of fully obligating themselves to their job. To fully obligate oneself to a career it needs to be their passion, something they live for. Therefore a career is not just someone's job but their life or true passion, and that is what it means to be obligated to a career.
     
  2. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    Ask yourself is that a run-on sentence? Hint: count how many "and" in that one sentence. How many thought/ideas? 2? If you agree that it is 2, than it is a run-on. Hint: 1 thought is enhancing you, the 2nd is benefiting others.

    I personally would remove anything that is tied to your religious convictions. Religion is like politics, steer clear of it if you do not know the views of others. That is just my opinion, and with $2.07 you can get a small coffee at Starbucks.
    ~ How has a Catholic HS prepared you for the challenges of becoming an officer?
    ~~ FWIW, I am Catholic, but I can't say that attending a prestigious Catholic school would prepare you anymore than attending any public HS. It is impo, not the quality of the school that you attend, but the person you are that prepares you for the challenges of becoming an officer. I.E. Would you not agree with me that the kid that comes from a less fortunate situation; can't afford to pay for that prestigious private school, takes all APs, plays sports and holds a job illustrates they would be prepared for the challenges just as much, maybe even more? More because they had less opportunities than you, but did everything in their power to overcome their situation.

    I get what you are striving to say, but just for me, it is not reading the way you want it to appear. It sounds as if it is your religion that instilled all of your values. I would definitely remove at the very least the word prestigious...it sounds pompous. Sorry for being brutally honest, but that is my opinion.

    Have you played sports?
    ~ If so, would you not agree that those same values come from that aspect too? IOWS, let's say you played tennis. I am sure you respected the line judge when they called a fault, or were you like John McEnroe and argued with them? As a team Captain member would you not fulfill your duties (i.e. show up for practice, mentor the younger players)? Be loyal and have integrity...not throw a match? Courageous by playing through an injury? Confident by walking onto the court even when you are considered the under dogs?

    I just took your exact same paragraph using your examples from being a Catholic student to playing a sport. The same would be true if you substituted being in Boy Scouts or class President.

    That sentence feels more like a question because I think you are missing a word...one..one should love or at least...
     
  3. scresalia

    scresalia New Member

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    I haven't gone over it for grammar yet, I was going to do that with my mom today so there could definitely be some grammar errors in there.

    I understand what you are saying about the high school part, I was just hoping maybe it would win some points because it is defiantly a more difficult and challenging curriculum then your average public school.

    What do you think if changed the sentence "growing up with catholic values" to "growing up with Christian values"? Its a little more vague but still delivers the point that I have good values.

    I am the captain of the wrestling team, I have played football and lacrosse for many years. I was thinking about going more into detail about my family, working experiences and sports on the 2nd essay . "Please expand on any additional information outlining scholastic, athletic and leadership achievements not otherwise annotated in the previous sections". I feel as if it would be more appropriate to get into more detail there. What do you think?
     
  4. EDelahanty

    EDelahanty Member

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    I like the theme, but with a few adjustments, your essay could be better. Eliminate redundant or unnecessary words and phrases. Playing "several different" sports has one word too many. The two parts of "most definitely without a doubt" nullify each other, and the proliferation of negative assertions which follow in the same sentence are confusing. The last three sentences (or sentence fragment, as Pima notes) chase each other's tail. Also, I don't know if you get any mileage out of telling the board reviewing your scholarship application that your high school is "prestigious", when you probably mean "rigorous".
     
  5. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    Re-read what you wrote, now see as how I just read it...
    To have good values it must have come from a religious perspective.
    ~ Bullet was raised agnostic, his father was Catholic, mother was Jewish. Are you implying because he had no religion emphasized in his life, your values are better than his?

    Not trying to be harsh, but trying to illustrate why religion can offend others. How about if the reader is now openly gay, do you not think that maybe they will assume those Catholic/Christian values might not be seen as a positive?
    ~ Not every church will recognize gay marriage. Look at what happened this past summer in Alabama (?) where the county registrar refused to give marriage licenses to homosexuals, even though the state law allows it. Why? due to her Christian beliefs.

    On paper nobody can know if your religious values are inclusive of every religion and every person.

    I usually play devil's advocate, whether I agree or not, because in the end it is impo best to see the other side too.

    FYI, here are some articles to read, granted they are basically about what USAFA just went through in the past few years, but hopefully you will see the bigger picture that the military is looking at.
    http://www.economist.com/blogs/erasmus/2014/09/religion-and-american-armed-forces
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/17/air-force-academy-religion-proselytism_n_1678092.html
    I respect your beliefs, but I am still standing by saying I don't get how you can't use other examples. As a Catholic, did you not have to do many volunteer hours for Confirmation? Could you not use that as showing all of the same qualities?
     
  6. tibreaker

    tibreaker Member

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    I just had my interview a few weeks ago and will tell you about my experience. They asked me questions relating to Academics, Leadership, and Athletics. They asked me what type of student I was, what sports I played, and what leadership experience I had. They also asked me why I wanted to join the army and what exactly my motivation was to become an officer. By far the hardest question they asked me was what my two biggest weaknesses were. Good Luck and remember to just relax and answer their questions honestly.
     
  7. tjb1975

    tjb1975 Member

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    We visited the PMS/Battalion at the school where my DS interviewed twice before the interview date. Speak with that PMS. Get to know him/her. Find out what he/she values. LISTEN to the words and attitudes conveyed, then you should convey them right back in your answers. This is a good sales technique, and that's exactly what your interview is: a sales call. My DS was never asked anything by the PMS in the interview that they hadn't already discussed in a prior meeting. Be prepared to offer evidence of personal stories or experiences that exemplify how you hold and demonstrate the values of that Battalion and the Army. They give you the answers to the questions. Be the answers. Of course, that is much easier if you are genuinely what they're looking for. Watch recruitment videos, know what is important. Reflect that in your interview and in your essay. Watch this video. See at the end the words on the football jersey each cadet is wearing? Those are the values you should be noting. Does your top school have a similar recruitment piece? Basically what do you have to offer the Army? It's not what they can do for you, what can you do for them? I advised my son not to be too colorful, but make your essay and app one that is memorable. Why do you deserve one of a few hundred scholarships out of thousands of applicants? Just my 2 cents based on my career in communications and marketing and some basic sales experience.
     
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  8. Wilco

    Wilco Member

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    That UW ARTOC battalion video is very well done. It gets me ramped up and I am no where near the 18 year old target group! In fact I think I am kind of wore out just watching it.
     
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  9. FutureArmy

    FutureArmy New Member

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    Almost on everything that says Army ROTC are the words leadership and excellence below it. I would advise to write about those two aspects because they hold high regard in ROTC and the Army. I would not discuss the money factor in your essay, it could be taken in the wrong way. The Army wants to know that you want to serve your country. You could describe some aspects about your brother that you respected and how you would want to achieve those traits as well.
     

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