Essay style to aim for pt. 2:

[US21]

Howdy again y’all,
I finally have 2 drafts I really like! I used all advice and now deciding between 2 essay themes to wrap the 3 points (which are pretty common unfortunately).

1. One theme is heavily about my dad’s influence. (Appeals to ethos, pathos, etc. feels a bit like a pity party though.)
2. Next theme is about a an aspect of my heritage.​

So if you were part of admissions ...
2. is different and I show ME, but I don’t want to seem crazy/joking .
Basically, since this is an application for THE military, I want to show that I am serious about this and my career plans, but I still want to reveal a unique side of myself and “one and only” approach. From your POV would incorporating a silly/humorous theme sound dumb or distracting? Or should I just take my chances and hope they take me seriously?

Thank you.

 

[justdoit19]

IMO, you really have to decide yourself. I would never pick for my own child BC I wouldn’t want to have any ownership (perceived or otherwise) if he didn’t receive an appointment. I also wouldn’t want my DS to be able to put any blame on me.

You have time to think about it. If there is any way to convey both aspects, that would be awesome. Or if you could reflect one element in another manner elsewhere in the application, that would be another option.

BTW, kiddos to you for pounding out two! It’s hard enough to craft one!!

 

[high2024hopes]

First off, great job on narrowing down your ideas!

In my personal opinion, I would make an effort to commit to something slightly more personal but definitely not too revealing. The job of the admissions team is to establish what it is that sets you apart from the other candidates. Your idea of a "one and only" approach is exactly what you need to include in your essay, but try not to over sell it, if you know what I mean.

The admissions counselors get tired of the same old themes that they have to read from all the applicants, so sprinkling in some humor and anecdotes would get you some brownie points in my book.

From your last post, I remember you discussing your dad's immigration status and how he was influential in the cultivation of your love for this country and dedication to hard work. That sounds like an excellent thesis, but the bulk of your content should focus on exactly the kind of impact that had on you, how it cultivated your own personal and leadership skills, and how you will use that experience to bring something great to West Point's table.

The heritage theme is something I would save for the third prompt. There, you can spend more time discussing your personal experiences and how they have made you more receptive to diversity and an ever-changing and progressive society, both in and out of the military.

It sounds like you are making some pretty formidable strides in the way of your application and that you really care about the quality and authenticity of these essays. Keep it up! If things go well for both of us, I hope to see you around next year!

Best of luck, and GO ARMY!

 

[US21]

First off, great job on narrowing down your ideas!

In my personal opinion, I would make an effort to commit to something slightly more personal but definitely not too revealing. The job of the admissions team is to establish what it is that sets you apart from the other candidates. Your idea of a "one and only" approach is exactly what you need to include in your essay, but try not to over sell it, if you know what I mean.

The admissions counselors get tired of the same old themes that they have to read from all the applicants, so sprinkling in some humor and anecdotes would get you some brownie points in my book.

From your last post, I remember you discussing your dad's immigration status and how he was influential in the cultivation of your love for this country and dedication to hard work. That sounds like an excellent thesis, but the bulk of your content should focus on exactly the kind of impact that had on you, how it cultivated your own personal and leadership skills, and how you will use that experience to bring something great to West Point's table.

The heritage theme is something I would save for the third prompt. There, you can spend more time discussing your personal experiences and how they have made you more receptive to diversity and an ever-changing and progressive society, both in and out of the military.

It sounds like you are making some pretty formidable strides in the way of your application and that you really care about the quality and authenticity of these essays. Keep it up! If things go well for both of us, I hope to see you around next year!

Best of luck, and GO ARMY!

Thanks man. I appreciate it and fingers crossed for you !