Tanker Story
Okay...first "yes, really" story for our future TOAD...
Sometime during your young career you'll be tasked to do a "fighter drag" over the ocean either to some lovely European locale or a likewise nice place in the Pacific (I'm avoiding the trips to the AOR aka: Sandland). This trip will involve moving several fighters or attack aircraft (sorry that Eagle part of me just refuses to see the A-10 as a fighter, although once I was dumb enough to enter a furrball and a '10 was there in the process of learning all about BFM and he had the gall to point his nose at me
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BIG REALLY BIG GUN!!!
Anyway...these missions are typically as short as 6 hours and as long as 8 hours. While they're usually BORING...think airline droning all that time with the boom cycling jets on and off taking small fuel loads about every 30-45 minutes. Somewhere along that trip there will come a desire, and its fiendish, to make some "snippy" comment to the fighter guy that is SOOOOO bored he does something like flip his jet inverted, or roll around your jet, or something similar. Something like a comment about: "Wow, that was impressive...think I'll get up now and get a coke, hit the head, pop some popcorn, etc...YOU WANT ANY?"
Now...while there's a rivalry amongst all airplane drivers and WSO's...this is the ONE time it's not really nice to spank the "pointy nose" folks. Why?
Because they're locked in their jets, on a boom seat, in a poopy suit, with ALL their survival gear, etc...etc...and OH YES, they get hungry too! So they typically have box lunches, bags of trail mix, etc., and some type of liquid beverage (water, fruit juice, etc...) to stave off dehydration.
BUT...they have no way to get up, stretch, or go to the head (remember that hydration need)! Well, that last part isn't totally true...but its better left unsaid here. And the OTHER toilet option??? DO NOT even go there!
So around hour 4+, it's nice to remember that while you're enjoying your iPOD, or a movie, that they're sitting there trying VERY HARD not to fall asleep (that will be another story)...engage them in a conversation...make arrangements for a visit to the bar/beach/etc., upon arrival, if possible...you can make some great friends! (Got tossed out of the O'Club at Lajes AB, Azores once with a bunch of A-10 guys after a long overwater...but that's another story!
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FYI...if anyone wants to know what its like to fly a "pointy nose" on an overwater deployment mission...without wearing all the gear (Helmet, mask, g-suit, poopy suit, water survival gear, tight parachute harness, etc...etc...), simply go to your dinner table...put a once-folded towel on the table, climb up and sit upon it.
Now stay there for 5-8 hours.
Steve
USAFA ALO
USAFA '83