Funny things said in court

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by BR2011, Apr 9, 2007.

  1. BR2011

    BR2011 USAFA Cadet

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    I just got this in an email, enjoy


    > > These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
    > > things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
    now
    > > published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
    > > these exchanges were actually taking place.
    > >
    > > ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    > > WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    > > ______________________________ __
    > > ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
    > > WITNESS: July 18th.
    > > ATTORNEY: What year?
    > > WITNESS: Every year.
    > > ______________________________ _______
    > > ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    > > WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    > > ______________________________ ________
    > > ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect
    > > your memory at all?
    > > WITNESS: Yes.
    > > ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your
    > > memory?
    > > WITNESS: I forget.
    > > ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example
    > > of something you
    > > forgot?
    > > ______________________________ _______
    > > ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with
    > > you?
    > > WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't
    > > remember which.
    > > ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
    > > WITNESS: Forty-five years.
    > > ______________________________ _______
    > > ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
    > > morning?
    > > WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    > > ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    > > WITNESS: My name is Susan .
    > > ______________________________ ________
    > > ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever
    > > been involved in
    > > voodoo?
    > > WITNESS: We both do.
    > > ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
    > > WITNESS: We do.
    > > ATTORNEY: You do?
    > > WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
    > > ______________________________ ________ ****a favorite!!!! ****
    > >
    > > ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
    > > sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    > > WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    > > ______________________________ ______
    > > ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    > > WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
    > > ______________________________ __________
    > > ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    > > WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
    > > ______________________________ ________
    > > ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby)
    > > was August 8th?
    > > WITNESS: Yes.
    > > ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    > > WITNESS: Uh....
    > > ______________________________ ________
    > > ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    > > WITNESS: Yes.
    > > ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    > > WITNESS: None.
    > > ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    > > ______________________________ ________
    > > ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    > > WITNESS: By death.
    > > ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it
    > > terminated?
    > > ______________________________ ________
    > > ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    > > WITNESS: He was about medium height and had
    > > a beard.
    > > ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    > > ______________________________ ________
    > > ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning
    > > pursuant to a
    > > deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    > > WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to
    > > work.
    > > ______________________________ ________
    > > ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
    dead
    > > people?
    > > WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead
    > > people.
    > > ______________________________ ________
    > > ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
    > > What school did you go
    > > to?
    > > WITNESS: Oral.
    > > ______________________________ ________
    > > ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined
    > > the body?
    > > WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    > > ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    > > WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table
    > > wondering why I was doing
    > > an autopsy on him!
    > > ______________________________ ______________
    > > ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine
    > > sample?
    > > WITNESS: Huh?
    > > ______________________________ ______________
    > >
    > > And the best for last
    > >
    > > ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
    a
    > > pulse?
    > > WITNESS: No.
    > > ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    > > WITNESS: No.
    > > ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    > > WITNESS: No.
    > > ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
    > > began the autopsy?
    > > WITNESS: No.
    > > ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    > > WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my
    > > desk in a jar.
    > > ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    > > WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have
    > > been alive and
    > > practicing law.
    > >
     
  2. ChipAyten

    ChipAyten Member

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    HAHAHA Priceless :thumb: awesome find, the voodoo one is my favorite
     

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