Discussion in 'Air Force Academy - USAFA' started by LesakUSAFA, Mar 16, 2016.
Is it good or bad to go into the academy leaving a girlfriend at home?Serious question.
I have no experience with this....but PIMA will likely chime in with the 2% Club anecdotes.
It's hard to keep one, but that's not unique to an academy. Some people make it work, but many don't.
Nothing right or wrong, and it's all relationship-specific.
Nothing wrong with leaving her at home. Just don't bring her into your dorm room and close the door.
But seriously, you can try to make it work, but high school long distance relationships do not have a high success rate. Add a SA restrictive freshman year would just complicate things. Try to make it work.
That's a two-way conversation between you and GF. She probably has same concerns and questions. You either decide to give it a try, understanding your life will soon change drastically and your time together much more restricted, and agree to evaluate at Thanksgiving or winter holiday. Or, you realize you (or she) is not willing to invest time and effort to remain exclusive, and you revert to friend zone with no expectations. Be honest and kind. These are tough adult conversations. Don't leave it until 2 days before you leave, either, if in your heart you are ambivalent.
Just make sure you call your folks before your girlfriend on that first Plebe summer call!
Opps my apologies, Call your folks first when you get the chance at whatever the Air Force calls your summer .
Plebe Summer is USNA
Coming from a cadet's girlfriend herself, it all depends on how much you two are willing to commit yourselves to each other and the relationship. I am still very happy with my cadet, even though long-distance isn't preferable, and I do not see him as much as I would like. I think the long-distance experience is different for everyone, but the overall consensus is that it isn't always easy. If you really care about her, there's always a way to make it work
This has become a concern of mine as well since I will likely be attending West Point next year. I would hate to lose a relationship that means so much to me. It is disheartening to hear how such situations hardly ever work out. Service academies are a sacrifice in more ways than the obvious. Although completely worth it in my opinion.
Keep in mind that with relationships its more than just the four years at an academy. Lets assume your significant other is also attending college and you both pledge your exclusivity to each other for the next four years and you even pull it off. Not you both are graduation and have other things pulling you in different directions. People go through to many changes through college and that first job to make it probably to pull a relationship off even without one of them being at an academy. Of course there are those that pull it off.... just wanted to be clear you're really talking about more than 4 years in all probability.
College (and this next part applies to service academies as well) is a time when you meet a lot of new people. My SO and I 'took a break' with the intention of reevaluating when I was less restricted and after she had settled in where she was. Long story short, people change, people grow. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Our lives headed in different directions and that was that.
My one piece of advice: communicate. You (I assume) care for your girlfriend, and she (I assume) cares for you. Whatever you decide to do, make sure both people know exactly the boundaries of the relationship (or if there will even be one). This should help keep everyone's feelings moderately intact (breakups are never easy after all). Good luck.
Several people in my squad came in with relationships. Some have ended, some seem to still be doing well. Don't worry too much about the whole 2% club, its not like some mystical force is going to all of a sudden break your relationship apart. HOWEVER, you are constantly busy at an academy, and it is sometimes difficult enough to maintain a relationship with your parents, let alone a girlfriend/boyfriend.
As the girlfriend now wife I'll tell you it's tough. In my husband's company there were quite a few of us that were together and got married after graduation. 2 things j think are important! 1) as a 4th class you will be spending every waking moment working on academy stuff. A quick email may be the best she gets for awhile. 2) she is most likely going to a typical college with lots of new people. When you are getting 1 or 2 emails a week and the guy down the hall in the dorm is always around that's tough! I know people who took plebe year or 1st semester off on their relationship to focus on each other's new life. We have been married almost 19 years - we were one of the first in his class to have a baby. It's doable but there are a lot of obstacles. Best of luck!!!
Better to start with a girlfriend back home than to turn down an appointment entirely to stay together. Just saying!
Totally agree. A young man, junior, in my DD's high school, who was seriously considering applying to USAFA, decided not even try because his girlfriend did not want him to. Very sad that a girlfriend/boyfriend, who claims to truly care for the other, prevents them from following their dream or future path, whether it be military or other; the regrets later in life can easily be the downfall in the relationship.
If the military wants you to have a girlfriend............ They'll issue you one.
LOL... Sorry; couldn't resist.
Key word here is "decided", as in HE decided not to pursue his dream. The girlfriend did not "prevent" him from trying. It is a tough decision and there is no right answer. You have to weigh all the pros and cons, keep communication open and still think about what is best for both of your futures; short and long term futures.
Actually, I believe he is using his girlfriend as an excuse. Based on what my DD said, and reading between the lines, he saw all the work involved to even apply, and didn't want to put out that much effort.
Aha! So, what I said stands. It was his decision, and if it is too much work to apply, then, IMHO, he made the right one.
Totally agree...he would never make it an SA.
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