Missing my DS

Discussion in 'Service Academy Parents' started by kpdad2015, Jul 12, 2011.

  1. kpdad2015

    kpdad2015 Member

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    I've been thinking about how much I miss him since we dropped him off at Indoc. I understand you have to let go and they will have all these wonderful opportunities ahead of them.

    At the same time we're preparing to drop his twin sister off at a state school about an hour from our house. Although she hasn't gone yet, I know I'll miss her too. I'm not sure I'll miss her as much. Yes some of that lessened anxiety maybe because she's 4+ hours closer, or she'll have her cell phone for ready contact.

    The conclusion I've come to, is you miss your academy kid differently. My DS and I became closer than ever this year. He wrote, we (my wife and I) read and made suggestions on his application and nomination essays. We took multiple road trips to 2 of the academies. We reviewed completed forms for accuracy. We drove 2 hours each way to both apply for and pickup a TWIC, We stalked the mailman for each and every letter. We worked out together to get ready for the CFA/PFE's. We scheduled the DODMERB physical and all the others for shots and dental appointments for wisdom teeth etc. We shopped for everything on the list he was to bring. We worked out together to get ready for football and indoc. We talked through the anxiety in the days before he reported in.

    I am truly happy for him, he will have opportunities that others can't even dream of.

    But for me the process is so completely draining that all I'm left with is a giant hole where my DS used to be.
     
  2. Dad

    Dad Member

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    Us, too.

    I know exactly what you're talking about. You guide them through the process and then they're gone. I've discovered that the best thing I can do for DS is to write letters of encouragement to him. My DS is at USAFA and we were able to talk to him on Doolie day in. He sounded upbeat and prepared for the second part of his basic training. He researched the AFA and knew (as best he could) what he was in for. He wasn't surprised at all the yelling and had prepared himself physically. He is doing well and my role has changed significantly. He is making new friends and the military is forming him into an Officer of Character. My job is to encourage him from a distance. I'm sure there are similarities between KP and USAFA training since they were both created to make leaders. It is hard cutting the apron strings, but it is easier knowing that he is in such capable hands. Best wishes to your family and your DS.
     
  3. laxman44

    laxman44 Member

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    Your kids are taking advantage of a once in a lifetime opportunity to get a great education and leadership training and application that will serve them well thru a lifetime of service to our country.

    Be proud parents..... and enjoy your time with your cadet/midshipmen when they are in school.
     
  4. fencersmother

    fencersmother Founding Member

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    kpdad, I *really* know what you mean! When my twin sons left for USAFA, thousands of miles from our home, it was as if all the fun left our house! We really had a tough time that first summer, and when they came home for Thanksgiving! OH OH OH ! I bawled my head off when they got on that plane (and that had nothing to do with the $1000 I spent to put them on it, plus the second $1000 a couple weeks later to bring them home for Christmas break).

    I can't say it gets better; when they leave - oh, this mother's heart aches anew. But when I see the men they have become! Sent them off as adolescents, on the very cusp of manhood. No boys anymore!

    Our goal as parents is, obviously, to love and care for them, but really, all that love and care is so they can grow up to embrace their lives, live them fully, be prepared to serve others with a strong sense of honor and duty.

    Head high! Now go write another letter!!
     
  5. Navy Mom

    Navy Mom Member

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    I survived yesterday

    My DS had to celebrate his 18th birthday yesterday by himself. He did not want us to draw any special attention to him during plebe summer. After all the years of he and his twin sister wishing they had their own special day, my daughter cried at not having her twin with her on a very important birthday. To make the day complete I purchased her one-way ticket to Florida for college in the fall. But I made it through the day without a tear being shed. I know that both of my kids are and will be EXACTLY where they should be. My job now is to be supportive of their choices . . And to send LOTS of food (per DS's phone call) and cleaning supplies. :thumb:
     
  6. bergmom

    bergmom Member

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    kpdad2015...I think you summed it up perfectly! I feel so much pride for my DS and what he is doing, but the hole left without him is tough to take:frown: I know this was our job as parents, to give them"roots and wings", but when they actually fly away, it is hard to take. Thank you for sharing your feelings on this forum....since misery loves company, I feel better knowing I am not alone!
     
  7. TexasHopeful

    TexasHopeful Member

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    DITTO!!!!....as I shed my tears:wink:
     
  8. bruno

    bruno Retired Staff Member

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    This thread has made me smile a little as it brings back fond memories.
    My mom told me (quite a bit later) that when my parents dropped me off (getting close to 40 years ago:eek:) that my dad (The Navy officer and business man who was gone all the time when I was a kid) actually cried as they drove home. I didn't realize I was so special as he certainly never told me that before then! But 3 years ago when I said goodbye to my son- darned if I didn't do exactly the same thing! Of course it works two ways, because I can also remember the first phone call home- standing in line at the bank of phones in the barracks for the collect call home then all I could do was croak when my Mom answered!
    It's amazing- you are so excited to have them grow up and move on out- and then when they do- part of you wants to say "STOP!" "Not so Fast!"

    Well with the perspective of time- I can assure you that it turns out ok regardless of how much you miss young sluggo or slugette at first:wink:
     
  9. blackhawkmom

    blackhawkmom Member

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    As I put the Kleenex aside boy does this bring back memories. I think as a new youngster mom letting DS go back this time will be equally as hard . He has been home for 3weeks it is just beginning to fell like it did before he left for IDay and now I have to let him go again? He is so ready this time he knows why he is going back and what he needs to do. I still hear my little boy but the man I see before me is so new and unrecognizable. I suppose according to the more experienced parents on this forum our training process is ongoing as well. We have to be ready as they will when the time comes to serve. I have a feeling that blow will be hardest on us but almost re-leaving to them. That is what they are working towards. Cry if you want we did and still do but smile when you see them---they need it.
     
  10. rkrosnar

    rkrosnar Member

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    kpdad2015

    It is hard to miss you DD or DS. But remember this, you raised you kids to do what they doing here. And the big thing here is your DS did something that a lot of young people don't want to do. Your son clearly understands about doing something for others, not himself. That is one of the most important things we can teach our kids, I think. He doesn't have a sense of entitlement or what is in this for me. I have two kids a DS 21, who will be a senior at Penn State - University Park. He has no clue what is in store for him next year, at this time. He thinks he going to apply for a federal government and get hired. I also, have a DD who will be 18 tomorrow, she will be attending Cedar Crest College majoring in Forensics. She had to work for everything she has earned, no one gave her a thing. Let be be honest when my DS, went to school I didn't miss him, at all. Because, of his attitude. I have tried to treach my kids to do right, but in the end, it up to them. I will however miss my DD. Tell your DS from thanks for his service to our great country and his committment. He is truly a role model.

    God Bless and God Speed,

    RGK
     
  11. AF6872

    AF6872 Member

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    As Secretary Gates said: "Serve with honor and return home safe". They deserve our admiration and respect.
     
  12. kpdad2015

    kpdad2015 Member

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    Thank you all for you words of encouragement!:smile:
     
  13. singaporemom

    singaporemom Member

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    I constantly told that my son is grown up, but I can only see that precious three year old. The one that would crawl into my lap and tug at my hair.

    Tonight I have one son at LDAC in Ft Lewis. No phone, no computer, no way to find out if he passed his APFT, how his Land Nav is going, and what was the Gas Chamber like. Did he survive the 37 ft rappelling?

    My youngest DS who will be a youngster, was home from summer cruise for 5 days and then grabbed his backpack for a trek through China. I know he's withdrawing money from his bank account, but where is he staying? He'll be home in a few days and then off to USNA for Yard Patrol.

    Those little guys in feet pajamas, sticky hands, and missing front teeth are all grown up. I raised these kids to be independent and they are. But the ache in my chest will never lift when they are not home.
     
  14. Stealth_81

    Stealth_81 Super Moderator Moderator Founding Member

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    Even though I've been at this Academy Parent thing for a few years, I am experiencing a whole new round of the separation feeling.

    Our son leaves for Laughlin AFB, Texas in a week for his first assignment as a Second Lieutenant. When he left for the Academy 4 years ago, he left with just a backpack and we knew that he would be fine, but he would still rely on us for help and support at times.

    Today, he and I went to weigh his truck empty so that he can document how much of his own belongings that he is moving to Texas so that he can be reimbursed for a DITY move. Watching him pack everything over the last few days, and getting his own household goods in order makes the permanence of the move sink in.

    I'm I'm very proud of him and what he has done, and what he will do. It's another step in his journey, but it has me starting to miss him all over again.

    Stealth_81
     
  15. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    Stealth,

    I hope you weighed the truck without the spare tire :rolleyes: I also hope if he had weights (work out) he didn't send them with his household goods, but DITY them...take up very little room for their weight.

    I don't yet know how you feel, but I can feel it already starting for me. DS will commission in 12, with a UPT slot. You know when you send them to college that at least for Thanksgiving and Xmas they will most likely be home. It gives you that sense of something to look forward to, but once they get commissioned that safety net is gone.

    To every parent, as much as hard as this time is, you will be like singapore, Stealth and myself, asking for the clock to rewind and give us 1 more yr.

    OBTW, it isn't easier for parents that were military compared to non-military, your child is your child, and they take a piece of your heart everytime they leave.

    I remember when I married Bullet and my Mom said to me the old cliche, there is no such thing as a good by only good hello's. For me it always gave me strength because instead of thinking about not being together, it made me think about what we would do the next time we said Good Hello.

    For me, my tradition with her was to have a plan of something special to do in place before she left. It ranged from going to Scotland to play gold at St. Andrews to Belgium for tulips, to the kids 1st communion.

    The upshot for all of us will be we will see parts of the world that without them we probably would have never seen. I am sure my Mom never wanted to see Boise, Idaho or Goldsboro, NC, but because she did she saw things like the Snake River and the Outer Banks which she never would have seen if Bullet wasn't in the AF.

    God speed to your son, may all of his dreams come true!
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2011
  16. subvet

    subvet Member

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    Are you telling me Bullet was stationed at Mountain Home AFB?
     
  17. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    Yep.. 391st, back in the day when it was a 111 base for FTU.

    It was the 1st time in my life that I came to find out Mickey D's is not in every town. Imagine a 23 yo Jersey girl dropped in the hub of Elmore County, and the hub had 8K people :eek: ... a town smaller than most colleges!

    It was also the time the AF advertisements were "See the World", I was known to add, yep, every place you never wanted to see. We moved from OH MY GOD NO Almogordo to Mt. Home. For the 1st 8 months of our marriage I was pretty sure I would never see a Mall again wherever I lived.

    Back on track, you see what I mean, when I say instead of looking at our kids leaving us, look at places you will travel and see because of them. That is how I plan to approach it for DS, but you know God has a sense of humor, so probably for our DS he will get an airframe where we have lived already. Heavies and he can get NC, and NJ. Fighters and he can end up in UK, AK, and ID. 20+ yrs and Germany, Hickham, Charleston was never on the option list, betting if God has a sense of humor it won't be the places DS ever gets assigned too. Hoping God doesn't have too big of a sense of humor because if he does, DS will be sent to Cannon...the base we avoided at all costs.
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2011
  18. singaporemom

    singaporemom Member

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    With my luck I will be visiting one of my sons on an island off of Pusan South Korea.... A place I vowed I'd never return to. It used to be a POW camp and it had only marginally improved the 2 years we were there 1995-1997.
     
  19. MIHOSER

    MIHOSER Member

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    My son is currently chipping paint in Norfolk and we still don't hear from him very often. On the good side, only one week to go.
     
  20. AF6872

    AF6872 Member

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    Mountain Home was our supply base for Burns Oregon. We knew we were out in the middle of no where when we drove to the big city of Boise for supply's at Mountain Home. One Hundred Fifty Miles to a movie in Boise or One Hundred Fifty next direction to Bend which was just a Bus Stop on the way to Portland in those days. Not the big ski (not sky) country on the Three Sisters it is now. As the Navy says "See The World". Then again "through a porthole" That's why I chose AF. See It All. Burns Oregon, Harney County. 3,000 people in the County and larger than the State of Massachusetts.
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2011

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