NAPS help and advice

[justdoit19]

... so this is laughable ---> miserable and depressed. I've had them both maybe 10,000x within a 30-year span of service (as I'm sure DS '26 just started his count)... maybe start a new thread. My top 10 now in any particular order:
1. Eat monkey meat (Panama) and drink cobra blood (Thailand) during Jungle Warfare training.
2. Dig a foxhole when raining and it's 35 degrees.
3. (At 19 years old) Knowing your wheels are your own two feet after a jump and you have to ruck march 10+ miles to hit a target.
4. Jumping from 2,000 feet, combat load in the Yukon at -20 degrees.
5. Visiting two insurgent villages once a week and the lead vehicle is an M1 Abrams with an ROE to lit anyone up carrying an AK 47.
6. Glacier training for five days, igloo required, one big candle as a heat source.
7. Waiting (3 days) for United at Baghdad Airport to fly home.
8. Civil Military Operations, live, for 30 days with no Internet, water, electricity.
9. Accidental discharge of a "grease" gun in the gate prior to entering the FOB.
10. Processed for Article 15 for some "nitnoy" rules only to be withdrawn at the last minute because the commander was guilty for the same offense.

Now that sounds like a movie

 

[Georgia Hokie]

There is nothing inhumane or not empathetic in my response. As a patent I have tried many activities with my children. Some worked for them and some didn’t, same goes for all college visits at school year. When I saw that college isn’t a good fit for my kids (which included many of the ivies, even thou they would be competitive candidates there), my response wann’t that they should go and force themselves through those schools at any cost possible. Instead my response was as let’s assess what you like and focus on those instead. In here the OP is talking about depression, feeling miserable and daily second guessing, and everyone’s advice is to go to talk to chaplain or the coach and try to keep dragging yourself through that? While there is a world of other opportunities available? I do stand by comment about inadequate support system. If I have a bad cut, that cut would go through a multiple stages, if I keep ignoring it, before it becomes a gangrene. The same goes for depression that OP mentioned, it didn’t happen overnight and earlier signs weren’t properly addressed. Otherwise we wouldn’t be here.

Literally dozens of people are telling you your comments are uninformed, mean spirited and completely missing the mark. At what point do you look in the mirror and think "maybe I could have said that better" and stop filling a forum used by candidates of all backgrounds to gain information with your slander? #getalife

 

[Alchemist]

Literally dozens of people are telling you your comments are uninformed, mean spirited and completely missing the mark. At what point do you look in the mirror and think "maybe I could have said that better" and stop filling a forum used by candidates of all backgrounds to gain information with your slander? #getalife

My DD is currently attending NAPS. Reflecting on her and her fellow squad members' initial experiences during the first week of INDOC , it becomes evident that feelings of doubt and questioning one's decision to attend NAPS are not uncommon. In fact, if such emotions were a sufficient reason to give up, it would seem that 99% of Midshipman Candidates would have quit within the very first week, with 90% considering it on the second day. I would bet dollars to donuts that many of them even went to bed that first night wondering, "WTF have I gotten myself into?" I know my DD did.

Fortunately, as the second week of INDOC rolled around, a remarkable transformation occurred. A staggering 99% of the Midshipman Candidates found their determination, focused on their goals, and although not necessarily embracing the challenges with open arms, they were adapting and surviving admirably. It's essential to understand that INDOC is designed to be demanding, and the Naval Academy's rigorous training program is no different. It's meant to test individuals, to push them to their limits.

During this phase and during their military careers, many will undoubtedly encounter moments when they feel overwhelmed, depressed, and yearn for an easier path. However, the vast majority of them will navigate these difficult times and emerge victorious. They will learn to persevere, to adapt, and to ultimately succeed. Such experiences are an integral part of their journey towards becoming successful Naval Officer.

 

[MidCakePa]

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become much less patient. (Which bugs DW, who has always noted my impatience, going back 30 years.) I’ve become especially impatient with — and try to minimize my time with — individuals who are resentful, bitter, entitled, mean, overbearing, self-righteous or lacking in self-awareness.

And now I’m finding that there are, in fact, people who exhibit ALL of those unfortunate characteristics.

 

[A1Janitor]

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become much less patient. (Which bugs DW, who has always noted my impatience, going back 30 years.) I’ve become especially impatient with — and try to minimize my time with — individuals who are resentful, bitter, entitled, mean, overbearing, self-righteous or lacking in self-awareness.

And now I’m finding that there are, in fact, people who exhibit ALL of those unfortunate characteristics.

Lol it is a little odd - I have become more patient with age. The things that bothered me before I laugh at now - like people cutting me off on the road, etc.

I credit the birth of my kids with my improvement.

 

[Heatherg21]

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become much less patient. (Which bugs DW, who has always noted my impatience, going back 30 years.) I’ve become especially impatient with — and try to minimize my time with — individuals who are resentful, bitter, entitled, mean, overbearing, self-righteous or lacking in self-awareness.

And now I’m finding that there are, in fact, people who exhibit ALL of those unfortunate characteristics.

I seem to fall somewhere between where you are and where @A1Janitor stands.

I am patient. And try to be empathetic. And give latitude for things I cannot possibly understand that might drive their opinion or stance.

On the other hand, since my 50th birthday I have decided to try to limit the time toxic people or thoughts or behaviors get to spend in my life.

I’ve ended relationships that had years of toxicity and had been maintained based on social expectations. I pick and choose who if any get my ire on social media or forums.

Serious personal growth. Also, don’t feed the animals is a line that creeps into my mind after many childhood San Diego Zoo visits.

 

[puzzler]

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become much less patient. (Which bugs DW, who has always noted my impatience, going back 30 years.) I’ve become especially impatient with — and try to minimize my time with — individuals who are resentful, bitter, entitled, mean, overbearing, self-righteous or lacking in self-awareness.

And now I’m finding that there are, in fact, people who exhibit ALL of those unfortunate characteristics.

This is why I prefer furry four-legged critters.

 

[severn]

... after retirement, the changes involved risky activities involving nature. The first three years I was in the ER at least once a month. The docs/nurses I'm familiar with. Last two years in conjunction with DS's USNA appointment, I decreased my risk exposure but then I noticed more of how people present themselves in public... like grooming and wearing nice clothes. Next time you're in the airport, observe how a normal person wears a pajama when traveling. Really? So I started wearing a suit as a rebellion against the slobs. In addition I pinned the U.S.-Ukrainian flags on the right lapel and miniature military badges on the left lapel. On my last flight with Southwest (aka Walmart Air) to BWI, I wore this concoction. The. Stares.
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On another note, the Chair Force football team is beating up San Jose State 45-20 with two minutes to go.
Go Navy; Beat Chair Force.
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[SaltLife40]

A good friends son is at NAPS. Let me first say he has never been in rotc or anything military related. He is there on football scholarship and is so depressed and miserable it breaks my heart. He is second guessing his decision everyday. Does anyone have any advice or has anyone else been through this if so did they stay or leave?

Just wanted to share our experience in case it helps in anyway. My DS is at NAPS and is also on football. Before he left we discussed 1) even though you were a great HS football player, don't look at is you're "going to play college football", rather, look at is as you have an opportunity of a lifetime to do something that a tiny fraction of the population will ever get the chance to do and that will set you on a unbelievable journey in life....and, oh by the way, you also just happen to get to play a game you love (but "the football" is not the focus). And 2) we discussed chunking the misery into small bites. Don't look at as it's Aug and I gotta make it to May. Instead, get up and tell yourself just get to breakfast, then just make it to lunch, then just make it to dinner, then rest/chill at night and prepare to do one more day, say your prayers, do a journal or whatever you need to wrap up that day. Then it's just a matter of stacking days and finding something enjoyable/fun/funny moments, etc. within that day that carry you through to the next checkpoint. After that, think in terms of shorter timelines. Just a few weeks to parent weekend, first home game, etc. He texted us yesterday, "just 60 days till I'm home for Thanksgiving". Find something close to look forward to (first home game, hotel stay on away game, Navy trip, first off base liberty, etc.) and the have something a little further down the road to keep mind on (Thanksgiving, etc.). So that is the first piece of advice I give him. Focusing on May graduation when it's only Sept especially when you're in a difficult environment, homesick, etc., is going to seem like an eternity.

The second piece of advice that I'd give is to encourage him to "find his boys" (as our DS says) so that he can "enjoy" the misery with friends. Our DS focused on finding/surrounding himself with kids like his friends at home (he had a REAL tight group at home). Fortunately, he's made some great friendships at NAPS already and at CGA before that, most are on football team but not all are. That camaraderie has been huge for his morale and his "enjoyment" of NAPS. He has some funny stories of going through miserable stuff at CGA and NAPS that made him laugh (even though it sucked in the moment....good memories for later in life). Having said all of that, I empathize with your friend. As we all know as parents, you're only as happy as your LEAST happy child. So when they are struggling, it's always worse on the parent because we take it all on (and then some).

I should also add two things which may help or not. First, we are not a military family so my son had no exposure to military life prior to reported to CGA, and subsequently NAPS, but he adjusted well to it once he "accepted the suck", fortunately. The second thing is that my DS's situation may be a little different that your friend's son because he's at NAPS via CGA. So those CGA kids did a 2-3 week "summer orientation" (aka boot camp) prior to reporting to NAPS. So they were a little more used to the shock/awe and had already survived the homesick phase, etc., prior to getting to NAPS. He also said the CGA "orientation" was ten times worse that INDOC at NAPS (probably because he wasn't as homesick at NAPS as we he was at CGA initially). So in some ways he was relieved to get to NAPS (your friend's son probably was not). He said INDOC was nothing compared to what they went through at CGA. So our DS may have been in a little bit of a different mental state when he reported to NAPS compared to your friend's son, who I assume was reporting for the first time away from home, first time in military environment (?), and the first time going through that "I miss home....did I make the right decision...etc." phase, which would be definitely a shock to system for him, whereas, my DS had already gone through that phase a few weeks earlier.

Now, all of what I said is assuming that the academy/military is really what he wants to do and he's just going through the initial rough phase (which most, if not all, go through at least initially). If it's a matter that he is sincerely thinking that he doesn't want to do this, doesn't want to serve years in military etc., then I'm not sure what I suggested will help much. In our family, we try to be strong in our faith, we pray, asked for guidance, etc. I'm not sure of the religious status/affiliation of your friend or his/her son, but praying on decisions/problem, has always been a big help for me our family. It's what got him the opportunity he has now. With him being in the homesick/sucky phase of NAPS, it's not always clear what to do and whether your thinking/decisions are clouded by "the suck" and homesick feelings or if it's genuinely what you really want to do. Unfortunately, there are no easy answers or "easy buttons" for these situations. Just gotta try to clear the mind and pray on it.

Good luck to this young man, it's not easy, but one of two things will happen 1) he will figure out a way to stack days and finish and have a great career....OR...2) he will realize it's not for him and will be at peace with this realization/decision and will have a great career/life doing something that speaks to his heart more than his current situation. Neither of these will be "easy" decisions. But the hope is, that no matter what decision is made/action is taken, that in 30 years from now he will realize that his decision (whatever it was) was the right decision for him and his future and that it wasn't a decision that was made "in the moment" but rather with a clear mind and clear heart. Good Luck.

 

[Ghostjwm]

You made me laugh with your comment about CGA 2 to 3 weeks being 10 times worse as my son said exactly the same thing last year. Also the "my boys" advice again something my son also said when he was at NAPS last year. Your advice is spot on and I hope the original OP passes it on because what you state here could have come from any of the parents of last year CGA cadet candidates. Hope to see your son at CGA next summer and tell him NAPS was worth it and will help him immensly next year when he is a 4c. Also my son has met many senior CGA officers who also attended NAPS and they all have a special bond.

 

[SaltLife40]

You made me laugh with your comment about CGA 2 to 3 weeks being 10 times worse as my son said exactly the same thing last year. Also the "my boys" advice again something my son also said when he was at NAPS last year. Your advice is spot on and I hope the original OP passes it on because what you state here could have come from any of the parents of last year CGA cadet candidates. Hope to see your son at CGA next summer and tell him NAPS was worth it and will help him immensly next year when he is a 4c. Also my son has met many senior CGA officers who also attended NAPS and they all have a special bond.

I certainly will and he already realizes how huge of a help NAPS will be in terms of preparing him for next year...and it's only September! He's had a lifetime of learning in the 2+ months. Although, before going to CGA "orientation" in July, he was a confident 19yr old young man who "had all the answers" and said he was "going to be fine" when we dropped him off. He quickly learned that that confidence, at least initially, "doesn't compute" in the military. So, he was broken down (i.e. "the individual" was politely removed courtesy of the cadre and, later at NAPS, the detailers), and boy is he a different kid today and, like I said, it's only September. I can't imagine how much more he will grow between now and their May graduation.

From what I can tell (and I'm not a military guy), CGA/NAPS really knows what it's doing in terms of identifying, breaking down, and building future leaders. My wife and I have just been blown away by the whole process at both CGA and NAPS. My son told me he will be way better prepared for swab summer next year and the academy life that comes later.

 

[Alchemist]

I certainly will and he already realizes how huge of a help NAPS will be in terms of preparing him for next year...and it's only September! He's had a lifetime of learning in the 2+ months. Although, before going to CGA "orientation" in July, he was a confident 19yr old young man who "had all the answers" and said he was "going to be fine" when we dropped him off. He quickly learned that that confidence, at least initially, "doesn't compute" in the military. So, he was broken down (i.e. "the individual" was politely removed courtesy of the cadre and, later at NAPS, the detailers), and boy is he a different kid today and, like I said, it's only September. I can't imagine how much more he will grow between now and their May graduation.

From what I can tell (and I'm not a military guy), CGA/NAPS really knows what it's doing in terms of identifying, breaking down, and building future leaders. My wife and I have just been blown away by the whole process at both CGA and NAPS. My son told me he will be way better prepared for swab summer next year and the academy life that comes later.

Same here. When we were at the Parade In Review during Parents Weekend, it was amazing: here were about 300 "kids" who 9 weeks prior did not make their beds, did not clean their rooms, slept til noon and now they are doing precision drill maneuvers. My DD is so much more mature, now. Had to figure out how to get her pay into her Navy Fed account after they initially screwed it up. Did it on her own! This is what tough love can accomplish. It really is toughness with a purpose. When we visited, she told us she made the right decision to attend NAPS and become a Naval officer. TRUST IN THE PROCESS should be engraved over the entrance to Ripley Hall.

 

[NomSeeker]

NAPS based on 2 kids and lots of friends of theirs over the years is about as miserable as can be. It’s tough it’s demanding it’s isolated and it’s going to get worse because it’s going to get cold and dark,

Both of mine decided to quit naps. Then both graduated. One now claims that despite graduating USNA and getting two graduate degrees that naps was the most important academic year of his life.

Most are going thru something exactly like this or will be. Most of those will suffer, stay, be miserable and graduate.

The only advice I would give his parents is this

”we do not condone or approve you leaving until you finish your first semester” “fail,if you have to you can’t just quit”

If they just hang in there and don’t quit most will make it

Good stuff. Getting them to Christmas break is huge. Some are there to play sports and that’s not Great if it’s the “main” reason they are there.
Mix in a few priors who think they are above it all and it can be a tough environment - add to that a school workload that pretty much forces to kids to develop good work habits, etc. my son made
It through and is now a youngster. He said having a good core group of friends really helped make it through NAPS.

 

[USNA75]

NAPS was a great year for me. Having come from the FMF it was a good year for me to focus on academics and improve my SAT scores. There was a good group of fellow enlisted Maines and sailors as well as the group of NAPsters recruited from high schools. I needed it before I went to USNA.

 

[USNA75]

I seem to fall somewhere between where you are and where @A1Janitor stands.

I am patient. And try to be empathetic. And give latitude for things I cannot possibly understand that might drive their opinion or stance.

On the other hand, since my 50th birthday I have decided to try to limit the time toxic people or thoughts or behaviors get to spend in my life.

I’ve ended relationships that had years of toxicity and had been maintained based on social expectations. I pick and choose who if any get my ire on social media or forums.

Serious personal growth. Also, don’t feed the animals is a line that creeps into my mind after many childhood San Diego Zoo visits.

The older I get the more important I find limiting my time with toxic people. They can eat the life out of you.