Thank you for acknowledging that there IS a stigma to getting/asking for help! I have mentioned it to other parents and they tell me I am wrong, but my plebe showed me on his phone where others told him he isn't smart enough to be there if he needs to ask for help.
This is absolute BS ... I don't know anything about USMMA, but they draw from the same pool of applicants, have the same (similar) missions, and would expect that they have the same philosophy towards "getting help." If there is a stigma, its because Admissions has shifted toward those more academically inclined in a misguided effort to compete with elite academic schools, resulting in admission of alot of kids who never faced academic adversity. I've told the story on the USNA board about the concerned parent who sent a message to me and another USNA grad in town, upset that his son was getting a C in plebe chemistry early in his first semester. (THis was a kid with straight A, 1600 SAT's) Both the other grad and I responded within minutes of each other with the same response...CONGRATs, I would love loved to have a C.
Sounds like a familiar story ... I went home from NAPS at Christmas (middle of 2nd trimester) with two failing grades in Calculus (we took two math classes at the time, and my grade in both was close tot the freezing point --32). I was a regular at EI with my instructors, and my parents arranged for a professor at the local college to tutor me, and I spent the better part of Christmas break with him. I was on double secret academic probation , with a weekly meeting with the CO of NAPS to discuss my academic efforts and progress. I managed to eke out a D in both classes, then the Academic Board had mercy and moved me down to the middle track classes (NAPS had a three track system back them.) and I ended up retaking and learning what flew over my head during the first go through. I turned things around in the third trimester, and never looked back (I graduated USNA with Merit, and law school Order of the Coif).
This is something I talk to students about often. One of my biggest regrets from USNA is letting my fear of looking weak stand in the way of reaching out for help. I certainly didn't want to tell my Marine LtCol Calculus instructor that I had no idea what he was talking about. And seeking help from other instructors wasn't something that crossed my mind.
If your son got those messages on his phone there is a whole lot more to this story. I would find messages like that to be absolutely shocking coming from fellow students.
This advice right here... you know your kid and how to support them. That looks different for every family, for every student. I always find it disheartening when on parent forums for the academies and the advice to a question like this is "They need to toughen up" "They're in the military now, you need to cut the apron strings," etc etc ... but strategies like this poster described are just ways to show up and be supportive!Kids finances and families are all different, but this worked for us.
Back in 2015 we got a call from our plebe; she was clearly upset, sad and angry. She just said “I really need to see you out here”. We jumped a Flt. from the West coast. By the time we got there DD was “all-good," (to this day I don’t know what prompted that visit request) . We were out there for a long weekend, DW and I took her into DC. She slept in a “real bed," went out to dinner, fell asleep watching PPV movies, shopped at Whole Foods. DD had fun, we had fun.
Started a pattern for us. DW and I traded off making solo trips to keep costs down and make logistics easier, but we got out there for visits in Oct, Feb, April every year DD was at USNA (made a science of it). Between visits to USNA and Holiday trips home DD got a break from the USNA Grind about every 8 weeks. Fast forward to DD’s 1C year, she was sitting at a desk at my favorite hotel in Nap Town.... DD looks up from her work and says: “Dad you have no Idea how much your visits helped me succeed here. About the time the grind of this place was getting to me and things felt dark, I’d look up at the calendar and I could start counting down the days until you or mom would be out here. Thank you”.
IMO the USNA is the best undergraduate school in the country, and an opportunity worth protecting for a DD/DS. In the OP's spot, unless my plebe is dead set on leaving, I tell him I want to help. I ask my him to make it just to Oct, and I will be out for the 3day weekend to take him into DC and unwind/do-the-town. As long as he hangs in, (and needs it), I’m giving him another “close target” to hit. People, families and finances differ but this really worked for our DD and I’d don’t regret the $$, vacation days, and other stuff we passed on to make those trips happen.
Note: They never call home when things are going great.
There is perhaps one more avenue for help and that is to try to befriend someone from your own high school. I know at one time when I was having some difficulty I turned to a fellow high school graduate, a year ahead of me, and he put me on the right course. Obviously not everyone can have such circumstances as a fellow high school alum, but even someone from the same town. One thing about Kings Pointers, is the camaraderie is great.
That's probably the best takeaway from this: the people who think help is bad are coming from a place of fear or insecurity. People who know how to succeed aren't afraid to do what is needed. And sometimes leaders have to ignore opinion and make hard choices to get things accomplished. Head up, feet moving, take the steps you require and keep moving ahead.
Everyone who went through KP has at some point had a "what am I doing here" moment. However, there is not a single one that has regretted sticking it through. There is no place on Earth that will grant more opportunities than Kings Point. I know that future opportunities does not always make up for suffering now but if you can try to encourage your son to keep going!
I don't know the exact number but it was in the ballpark of 280
That is great, because last year's class was 250. Hopefully things will turn around and more people will apply and get in
I was there when you were there and literally have zero memory of a 26 year old 2x set back. I believe you, I just never knew those kinds of anomalies existed. Good on you for persevering. I would not have lasted that long if I didn't graduate with my 2.8 first time around. KPS.
Yup 35 yrs ago in those itchy blue robes and polyester pajamas in non A/C Jones Hall seems like yesterday.
I wonder how many people who never went to an academy know that a bunch of us would do the happy dance for a C.
My degree says that I majored in political science but I know that it really means that I majored in graduation.I wonder how many people who never went to an academy know that a bunch of us would do the happy dance for a C.