Problem?

Discussion in 'Naval Academy - USNA' started by Ectriso, Jun 17, 2011.

  1. Ectriso

    Ectriso Member

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    Ok, so I have posted before about how my mom is 1000000% against me applying to any of the service academies. Well, today when I wasn't home someone associated with the Naval Academy called my house. I don't know how because my number listed is my cell phone number. My mom picked up and pretty much said that I'm a minor and not interested in the Naval Academy. I wish I knew who called.

    Can this phone call potentially be a big problem because I am almost done with my application except for my CFA and transcripts. My LOR aren't in but the teachers are aware and received the email so they will be taken care of.

    Thanks,
    Ashley
     
  2. Whistle Pig

    Whistle Pig Banned

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    Hard to know. Still, while it may be benign, you can be very sure that call will be of no help in the process. But your issues clearly go way beyond worrying about application to USNA. Perhaps you should get the conflict w/ mama squared away before you try to move forward. This will not go away nor serve you. Your BGO will likely explore this carefully ... or at least should. And absent being right w/ each other, this should become a major stumbling block. In any case, as you've just learned, it cannot be avoided or side-stepped.
     
  3. singaporemom

    singaporemom Member

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    First, can you check the Caller ID?

    I feel, as a mom, that you need some guidance from another adult in your life. Can you have a discussion with your guidance counselor? Or does your school have a JROTC instructor to talk to? They may have dealt with issues similar to yours. You need to find some tools (and strength) to deal with this issue.

    You have a huge hurdle to get over and I feel for you as you continue this process. But you do need to figure out a way to resolve this issue. Your mom may not agree with your decision, but you should not have to worry about her hindering your progress. A family meeting may be in order. Parents and siblings....I'm sorry but I do not remember your family history.

    Be strong, find support from adults that can help, and try to have a dialogue with your mom. Keep it non confrontational. If this is really what you want to do, this you must be strong enough to confront this.
    Good luck to you.
     
  4. USNA1982BGO

    USNA1982BGO Retired Staff Member

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    If you are under 18 and your parents say no, the military will not try to undermine your parents beliefs. On the other hand, if you are over 18 having your parents disagree with your career choice is nothing more than a "family" problem. My suggestion would be for you to draw out "why" your mother/parents are so opposed to USNA/military (often times the unknown is what puts them off). During a BGO interview things like this can come out when speaking with the candidate and their parents. Your parents negativity toward the SA/military will NOT impact your chances of receiving an offer of appointment. We would note that mom/dad are opposed and at the same time make mention of why YOU, the candidate, is making the choice to join the military/SA. Take a breath, don't get too anxious about this and take this opportunity to open up an adult conversation with your parents about your future plans. PM me if you have any other questions/concerns.
    Good Luck.
     
  5. Whistle Pig

    Whistle Pig Banned

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    A couple thoughts ...

    1. While I'm not sure what is meant, but my own read is that yours is "nothing more than a 'family problem' " risks portraying your situation as age-dependent, and/or less signficant than it likely is. Imo, this has nothing to do w/ age. It is about you and your mother and your relationship, which has nothing to do with whether you are 17 or 18. This is not an issue of legalisms, and attending a SA beyond being the source of consternation and disagreement could become a very disruptive, corrosive issue for your life. By your continuous concern expressed on this forum, you obviously have deep care and respect for your mother. That is a very postitive starting point. Go from there.

    2. While some BGO's might disregard discovering that a parent(s) are either unsupportive and/or outright hostile toward their child pursuing a SA appointment, most would not. And I'd offer my own opinion that any who would disregard are being irresponsible in their work. Always, this will impact upon a Mid's experience, one way and usually in many. And I cannot imagine that USNA knowing there is this significant issue, would disregard it in considering offer of appointment. Why would they set the institution up and you for potential failure? That one makes no sense whatsoever, and as we hear time and time again ... inversely ... the #1 reason Mids bail out? Ma and/or Pa, not the Mid, wanted them there. And it works the other way. Ma and/or Pa did NOT want them there. Especially females.

    I would concur as was suggested, an appropriate adult 3rd party might be able to assist in reconciling this very significant issue between you and your parents. A pastor, priest, rabbi, spiritual leader, counselor, respected family friend/neighbor, someone respected by both you and your folks.

    Last thought on this ... and I'll say it simply. Do not disregard your parents will in this. It could become a very destructive thing in doing so.

    Blessings and best wishes in working this out. But your answer to this one is not on this forum. You risk greater confusion as you might consider mine or others counsel and perhaps misguided desire to help you in this. I seriously doubt it.
     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2011
  6. Ectriso

    Ectriso Member

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    Thank you all for your responses. I will plan on having a serious talk with my mom and see if I can at least get her to accept the situation even though she does not agree with it.
     
  7. USNA'02

    USNA'02 Member

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    yes, you should have a talk w/ your mom. but as USNA '82 points out, as long as you are 18 it's your decision to go to USNA not your mom. You are an adult, or soon to be one. there are going to be choices you make in your life that your mom isn't going to approve of but it is your life. you will eventually move out and start a life of your own, be it at USNA, a civilian college, or just entering the job world.

    yes, it's good to get your mom's views and opinions. share why it is you want to go and she'll share why it is she doesn't want you to go. but in the end the decision is yours.

    this will be a question asked by your BGO during your interview. but your mom's lack of support SHOULD NOT effect you possibly getting an appointment to USNA. it really depends on how your BGO writes up your interview and your response to that question.

    trust me, you'll lead Sailors whose parents didn't approve of their decision to join the Navy, but it's all part of life. It's about how you're going to let it affect you...which ever decision you make don't regret your choice.

    As far as the phone call i wouldn't worry about it...continue to fill out your applications. when you get your BGO's contact information shoot them an e-mail and introduce yourself. any questions don't hesitate to msg me.

    Best of luck as you sit down and talk with your mom.
     
  8. Ectriso

    Ectriso Member

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    So I talked to my grandma who has the same view as my mother. She started crying and told me that I will break my mom's heart if I went and I wouldn't have a home or anything to come home to on breaks and such.

    I am probably going to talk to my mom tomorrow. I know it won't go any better, but I just want to try and get her to accept that I am going to apply. I know she won't support me, but I want her to respect my desire to become an officer and not sabotage my application.

    I'm sorry that I'm just rambling and venting at this point. It's just really hard..
     
  9. singaporemom

    singaporemom Member

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    Ectriso- someone better skilled in this than I could probably give you better advice. But please know that everyone in this forum supports you. You potentially have a huge Navy family to draw from. Please try to find another adult in your life to draw strength from. It will help to have someone nearby that you can talk to. You have obviously thought this through, so I pray that you have the strength of your convictions to continue.

    As for not having a home to come to during breaks, that may be true. But I would guess it's a statement said out of fear and frustration. But know that at the Academy, you would be welcome in about 4,000+ home around the country. Good luck to you.
     
  10. Mongo

    Mongo Banned

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    Don't depend on your BGO to solve this for you, or even to provide a great deal of assistance. Hopefully, you and your mother will come to an understanding before your interview. This should be your goal. If your parents are providing undue influence to cause you to attend is definitely a concern of the BGO. However, the opposite is not true. Parents negative support should not be a part of the BGO's recommendation. However, it will be difficult, once the subject is breached, for it not to be. Either come to an agreement, or agree to disagree, prior to the interview.

    Supportive parents is not a requirement to succeed.
     
  11. 2012mom?

    2012mom? Member

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    ectriso: In a phone conversation with my Mid, she suggested that you should call the USNA admissions ("Candidate Guidance Office" = CGO). This would be in addition to trying to work things out with your family and talking to your BGO.

    IMO, if possible, it might help to have a "neutral" adult present as you try to work things out with your family. Having a pastor, a family friend, teacher, coach or scout master present will probably limit behaviors such as the threats and crying you have previously described from the "adults" in your family.

    Best wishes. My Mid's other comment to you: "You don't have to visit family over breaks. It would stink, but if you want it badly enough, you can do it."
     
  12. Memphis9489

    Memphis9489 Parent

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    The academy is obligated to provide you a place to stay and feed you 365 days a year - if that's what you choose to do. It's not like a regular college. It's always OPEN for business - even during the summer months.
     
  13. USNA'02

    USNA'02 Member

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    My parents and I got along great and I hardly went home during breaks. I either traveled w/ my friends from USNA or chose to take summer school. Don't feel bad if you don't go home.
     
  14. equestriangrl93

    equestriangrl93 Member

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    Ectriso,

    I sent you a PM!
     

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