I have been following this thread and I would recommend it to any parent or any aspirant to ROTC or an SA.
I am not very smart, so I always framed these tough decisions in the context of three axioms:
-A fish that keeps its mouth shut never gets caught.
-Answer every question as if sitting in a witness chair, under the threat of jail time for pergury.
-You cannot predict when those questions will be asked.
OP seems to have hit the creamy middle.
Is it wrong for OP to use the same lawyerly discernment in deciding what to do as the institution would use to throw him under the bus sometime down the road? I say NO.
I have seen enough in my life to know that public profession of honor, duty, love of country, love of wife, love of God doesn't mean anything when one's own a** is on the line. I am not talking about cadets/midishipmen, but rather flag officers. General Petreus never did or said anything until he was caught. His failure to his wife proved more significant than his failure to the National Security. If he hadn't failed one, he wouldn't have failed the other.
DS's failure, binge drinking, was to himself, not to a college ROTC program.
My DS called this week to report an incident which made DW and me cringe. I'll spare you the details, but DS's decision was to go straight to Cadre. Never gave it a second thought. No thought of consequences. No thought to payback. I like to think that he trusted the people who put trust in him. This, I would think, is critical to unit cohesion, which I hope is what the military is all about. DW and I didn't even hear about until a week later.
I can't and won't comment on the issues of security clearances, looking over one's shoulder, etc. I can say that any institution which would dump a kid who comes clean, on his own volition, out of loyalty to his unit/detachment/battalion is chickens***.
Anonymous, you need real friends. Don't be an idiot. Colleges are famous for not disclosing rape, suicide, and alcohol related deaths. At the worst, you'll die from binge drinking. At best, you will be someone's scapegoat who is trying save his/her own a**. As you catalogue your transgressions and failures you should put your choice of friends as high as your choice of recreational activities.