You have two cows. The government....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by BrianReed, Jun 30, 2011.

  1. BrianReed

    BrianReed Candidate

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    This has absolutely nothing to do with the service academies - but I came across this today and just HAD to share it :biggrin:

    WORLD IDEOLOGIES EXPLAINED BY REFERENCE TO COWS

    FEUDALISM
    You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

    SOCIALISM
    You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn
    with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The
    government gives you a glass of milk.

    FASCISM
    You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of
    them, and sells you the milk.

    PURE COMMUNISM
    You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker
    about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile,
    no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of
    starvation.

    RUSSIAN COMMUNISM
    You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government
    takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it
    on the black market.

    PERESTROIKA
    You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes
    all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the
    "free" market.

    CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM
    You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

    DICTATORSHIP
    You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

    PURE DEMOCRACY
    You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

    REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY
    You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the
    milk.

    BUREAUCRACY
    You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed
    them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then
    it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the
    drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the
    missing cows.

    CAPITALISM
    You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows,
    because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

    PURE ANARCHY
    You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your
    neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

    ANARCHO-CAPITALISM
    You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

    SURREALISM
    You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
    lessons.

    OLYMPICS-ISM
    You have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With the help of trilling
    violins and state of the art montage photography, John Tesh narrates the
    moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of growing up in
    a suburb with (gasp) divorced parents, then mentions in passing that the
    Chinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and watched its
    parents butchered before its eyes. The American cow wins the
    competition, severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance, and
    gets a multi-million dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The Chinese
    cow is led out of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials,
    though no one ever hears about it. McDonald's buys the meat and serves
    it hot and fast at its Beijing restaurant.

    AMERICAN CORPORATE CAPITALISM
    Both cows are bloated with toxic steroids. They are set out to graze on
    privatized public parks, release massive amounts of flatulence that
    destroys the ozone layer, die from excess ultraviolet light, and are
    processed into meat-like products that look great as a result of clever
    and unprincipled marketing strategies. When you mortgage your
    artificially devalued farm at high interest rates in order to buy meat,
    you consume the poisoned material and develop terminal illnesses because
    there is no health care plan to treat you. The corporate management uses
    your purchase price to acquire THEIR meat from cows raised "naturally"
    on tree-free rain forest land outside of the country where labor and
    resources are cheap.

    BRITISH REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY
    Both cows are mad


    http://www.thecapitol.net/Recommended/twocows.htm
     
  2. OhioSoccerMom

    OhioSoccerMom Member

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    Read this a couple of days ago, and didn't get a chance to post that I thought it was hilarious!! Thanks for a good laugh! :smile:
     

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