Sending your MIDN back to The Yard...

WolfPackGrunt

WolfPackGrunt

USNA Papa
Joined
Jan 11, 2021
Messages
336
Three days and a wake up until my DS heads back to The Yard (DS is a plebe). Over the last few days, I have had a lot more anxiety about this sendoff than I anticipated. As a crusty old Papa, I generally shoulder through most emotional challenges, but this one has been a doozy. I feel blessed and am grateful for the last two weeks, but nonetheless I am not looking forward to saying goodbye (which I realize is normal, but...). We are fortunate, and will see him again fairly soon in February or March, COVID19 permitting. I feel like DS is doing great overall at USNA, his outlook for the next semester is fine and as expected (nervous but excited). My anxiety is my own and I am not sure where it is coming from. I thought sharing with this group might help elicit feedback on how other parents who have experienced sadness and or anxiety with these farewells have dealt with it. I truly appreciate your insight.
 
A1Janitor said:
Is DS your oldest child?
Click to expand...
Hello, actually DS is my middle son of three sons (25, 18, 16 yo), but there is a big age gap between he and his older brother. My oldest stayed in state (but still a few hours away) for college, and recently moved to Chicago. I had a bit of anxiety when he left the nest, but not like this time around.
 
Mine is a Plebe as well so I have no great insight (also my oldest) however I find comfort in the fact that this is an awesome journey they get to take that most don’t even get the chance at. I love having him home but this is proof we did something right raising them. Either that or they couldn’t wait to get away. 😉
 
It took five colleges for my son to get his degree and we drove him to two of them. While not a serve academy, we still had anxiety for a few reasons. We dropped him off at BWI for his flight to the Middle East and again had different anxieties for different reasons. He's been at Pendleton and 29 Palms five years now. He comes home about once a year now and when we drop him off at Dulles, it's almost like we are just giving him a ride which is what we are doing.

The worse "saying goodbye" anxiety I've had with him is when I dropped him off for PLC-Seniors. I was anxious the first session because I knew what he was about to go through. The second session was worse because he knew what he was about to go through and I was worried about him and his increased anxieties.

Maybe you are feeling your DS's increased tension and trying to take on too much of his load. He'll be fine. I've heard of the Dark Ages but second semester will be over in a few weeks and he will no longer be a plebe.
 
Plebe summer was the hardest for me. My son and I went to the movies all the time when he was in high school, and I spent a lot of time with him as his free uber or watching his games.

After that it became like normal college for his older sister after plebe summer.

You will crash with the last one and your empty nest. Save some energy for that child.

USNA is better than normal college and what those issues are. They are safer imo.
 
A1Janitor said:
Plebe summer was the hardest for me. My son and I went to the movies all the time when he was in high school, and I spent a lot of time with him as his free uber or watching his games.

After that it became like normal college for his older sister after plebe summer.

You will crash with the last one and your empty nest. Save some energy for that child.

USNA is better than normal college and what those issues are. They are safer imo.
Click to expand...

I have worked for home for almost two years now, including several months when DS and his younger brother were doing HS remotely. My wife is a nurse practitioner, with a very busy schedule, so I spent a lot of time with my boys. I cherish the extra time spent with them and how close we became because of it, but looking back all that time together also may have been detrimental in some ways once they went back to "normal" and I am still working from home. I recognize I also need to get a reset back to "normal" myself, at least as best I can.
 
Our DS is our only. He left for boarding school across the country at 14, then USMA for college. Oddly, the boarding school farewells were the easiest. By the time he left for the academy, it was his fifth year away from home, and we were all "pros." During those years, I internalized the fact that although we were missing a lot, he was missing nothing. It's not about us; it's about him.

What I'm struggling with now that he's two years post commissioning is the "launch." He's gone for good. While he was in school, even the academy, we could count on a fairly regular schedule of togetherness. Due to COVID and a short deployment, we went 19 months without seeing him, and that crushed me. For the first time, I'm feeling the deep sadness the OP is describing but at at time when I think I should be way past this.

So, what do I do? I take joy in every minute I DO have with him, whether in person, on the phone, in chats, or on FaceTime. He is happy, healthy, launched, and doing well. There is nothing more I can ask for, so I think my sadness is more about this phase of life I've entered, this new normal, than concern for him. Though DH and I are parents forever, we have no more responsibility for or authority over our son. Going forward, we're just welcome guests in his life. For me, that's been a tough transition, and I've not yet made peace with it. So, @WolfPackGrunt, I really understand when you say, "My anxiety is my own and I am not sure where it is coming from." I do think it's normal, though. So, in addition to the helpful comments above, remember, there's always good bourbon and that bacon thread... ;)
 
Last edited:
@WolfPackGrunt - Our stories are mirrors except for the fact that my eldest is only 20. my Middle DS returned to USMA for second semester Plebe year on Saturday. It was interesting for me to see the major hole that left in both the family structure and for me personally - harder after Xmas break than even dropping him off last summer. I can only assume that this is one of those experiences that create wisdom over time...
 
Some Mids, especially, Plebes will have some anxiety about going back. They have enjoyed being "normal" for a bit. Its going back to a cold, dark campus. Its also the unknown with new squadmates, new leaders, new classes and possibly even new room mates. Its okay, they will adjust just fine. Its part of the process and a great learning experience for what the fleet will be like where things are constantly changing. Just support them, give them a hug, encourage them and drop them an extra $20 or two. They will adjust and do great. Around spring break you will see a new energy in them as they can see the light at the end of the Plebe tunnel, it warms up, the campus is beautiful.
 
Last edited:
Thankfully mine is very good at checking his email from USNA. Today, he had a perfect plan go to Hell in a handbasket. The appt. for his booster was all good, he had a scan of his vaccination card with him. They refused to give him the booster, even though he could prove his priors. Plan B is to attempt getting it on base, he's headed there now. I'm hoping an active duty medical clinic may help him out. Ugh.

The good news is that I have been able to spoil him with food. And sleeping in. Lots of time with his sister's dog and her new puppy. Lots of dog naps.

As an empty nester, I can empathize with some of the parents and their difficulty in adjusting to not having my DS here with me all the time. I know he is doing what he wants and is driven to do. But, I miss my movie buddy, bird watching, and hiking pal. I will need to continue to stay busy and treasure the time we do get. I know it will lessen in the fleet.

@LT360, the dark ages were not fun for my then plebe. He did struggle during those 60 some odd days. But, as an AZ kid, he didn't get to see a very colorful spring here, so let me tell you, when the trees on the yard blossom, it is medicine for the sad plebe's hearts. It is gorgeous. He'll be okay, it's just a bumpy ride. And major selection is exciting for them as well. USNA makes sure they get a lot of exposure and guidance in that selection. Great mentors as well.
 
@NavyHoops is spot on with the transition to the Dark Ages! There will be adjustments, but most will be surprised at how quickly the acclimate back into the Brigade. Plebes will realize that Reform is sitting through the same briefs every semester. Their classes will be in similar places and the battle rhythm is more or less the same (wake up, go to class, go to lunch, workout/ECAs, study/train, sleep, repeat).

I'd say Spring Break is definitely a time of flux for everyone at USNA. Spring Break is usually when every class turns their head to what they have next in store. Firsties are worried about not having to be mids anymore, 2/C are worried about being able to park on the Yard, 3/C are worried about civvies and having cars, and 4/C are worried about not being plebes anymore. Keep in mind that training staff are mids too and they will have their own stuff to worry about. In my company, Spring Break was used a little demarcation to slow down the intensity of training. The focus was on Sea Trials and setting us up to be good Youngsters, and getting us ready for PCAs instead of getting yelled at for chopping too slowly.
 
WolfPackGrunt said:
Three days and a wake up until my DS heads back to The Yard (DS is a plebe). Over the last few days, I have had a lot more anxiety about this sendoff than I anticipated. As a crusty old Papa, I generally shoulder through most emotional challenges, but this one has been a doozy. I feel blessed and am grateful for the last two weeks, but nonetheless I am not looking forward to saying goodbye (which I realize is normal, but...). We are fortunate, and will see him again fairly soon in February or March, COVID19 permitting. I feel like DS is doing great overall at USNA, his outlook for the next semester is fine and as expected (nervous but excited). My anxiety is my own and I am not sure where it is coming from. I thought sharing with this group might help elicit feedback on how other parents who have experienced sadness and or anxiety with these farewells have dealt with it. I truly appreciate your insight.
Click to expand...
Good advice and sharing a already.

From my perspective as a parent, the thing that I have learned, is that this also gets better with practice for us. At least it has for me. I have gotten more comfortable with the ‘see ‘ya laters’ bc they don’t last forever. With practice, I’ve grown to not dread ‘goodbye’. Because they make the ‘hello’s’ so sweet.

At least that’s where I’m at now. I’ve gotten comfortable with it. But give yourself grace. It’s ok to be sad. But it won’t last forever.
 
From the perspective of a Firstie parent, I have witnessed a calm unlike ever before from my son. He's not stressed at all about school. He is right where he wants to be and doesn't dread going back at all. He's looking forward to moving on with the next chapter.

I have to say that's a first since I-Day, and it was wonderful to experience. It made for a great visit while he was home.
 
@WolfPackGrunt My anxiety for my DS (Plebe) as Friday approaches is centered around finding a COVID test in the next few days and then on the logistics of travel given the spike in flight cancellations. Test sites are overwhelmed and shoe horning in a possible multi hour wait with the little time we get is making me anxious. I understand why USNA is requiring a test but tough when we struggled to even find booster shots during this break.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top