Cold Feet

“We are not a military family”

In this world we have givers and takers. Those who protect and those who are protected. Those who risk And those who risk not at all.

We have actual patriots and those that wave flags.

I have had two in my family follow the SA path. And no we are not a military family either. Far from one.

The calm uplifting words I told my kids as they were considering

”my unit in VN had over 40% KIA and WIA”

You want safety and reassurance in life that everything will be OK I told them to consider another line of work other than the military.

It’s an adults decision to join, But not mine and not yours. I am proud mine made the tougher decision but that was 100% their decision.

They serve I worry. Just as I served my parents worried. It’s not an easy path.

Good Luck
 
As a female, my parents were both very concerned when I told them I wanted to join the Army. This was back in the mid 90’s so it was considered “peacetime” however it was still concerning to my parents. After I completed OBC and headed off to my first duty station, my parents came out to visit me. I took them to my “office” and showed them around the Post. I introduced them to several of my new battle buddies (some men, some women) and they were so impressed with the outstanding character of everyone they met. I think they were put at ease because they physically saw that it wasn’t so scary. After 26 years and counting in the Army, they are both still very proud of my decision and are now advocates for bright young people to consider serving.
Now as a parent whose first born is pursuing a career in the armed forces, I have a whole new outlook on this. I see my DS in a lot of my young Soldiers and know that there will be great leaders out there who will consider him as one of their own (as I do) and know that he will be alright.
Be proud, be supportive and be thankful that there are such a great group of young people, including your DD, who are willing to serve this great country.
 
Mem2026 said:
As acceptance deadline gets closer, this mom is getting "cold feet" about sending DD to the military. As we are not a military family, it's a fear of the unknown and whether our DD will thrive in this environment. Does anyone have any words of wisdom or empathy to share? :)
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I read through the thread. Everything posted is so true. In the spirit of your original post, looking for ways for you to feel more comfortable, I’ll offer these ideas (we also weren’t military):

Are you able to visit? Listening to a brief by leadership will certainly help you feel more at ease with your daughters choice. Seeing and experiencing the place. Of course that’s only the schooling piece, but listening to leaders and getting a feel for the type of people who do choose this path, will be comforting.

My oldest said “I’ve found my people” after his visit. Another thing I’ll emphasize, is that (as my youngest is getting revved up to shift his 2/7) up to reporting her 3rd year, she can walk away should she find this isn’t what she thought was for her. And my money is on that you, mom, will be excited for her TO commit.

My guess is the fear of the unknown, lack of information, and/or understanding is driving some of your feelings? That’s normal. Especially with current events. The piece to know is that she and her classmates will have the best training out there.

It’s tough to let go, for some!! Especially the last to leave the nest. All three of my boys are in the military, two at a SA. ALL THREE of them are better humans for it. They are becoming their best selves, doing more than they ever thought they could (we have had convo’s about it). In fact, my oldest, about to graduate from regular college has two resumes (figuratively…) he presented to future potential employers: ‘before joining, and after’. His after is fantastic. Because he became his best self. And as a parent? To witness that growth into their full potential? AHHHHMAZZZZING to witness. Hard to explain but the PRIDE in seeming them become something better than they could? Brings tears to my eyes. Not to dismiss any other choice/path, but I’ve seen it first hand, and owe it to the military bringing out their best selves.

So, mom, your fears will be quelled (imo). Replaced with something tough to put into words. It’s challenging at first, but with practice, you become more comfortable with it and your mindset shifts.…the first good bye Is tough. But through practice they become ‘easy’ “see ya later’s”.

This is new for you. And as with any new thing, with time and practice, it becomes easier. I promise you will not feel the same way you do now, in even a few months. Finding a battle buddy to share with might help, too. Another mom in a similar situation…perhaps through your parents club (a great place of support!!).

Hang in there. It absolutely gets easier.
 
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Tropic Justice said:
As a female, my parents were both very concerned when I told them I wanted to join the Army. This was back in the mid 90’s so it was considered “peacetime” however it was still concerning to my parents. After I completed OBC and headed off to my first duty station, my parents came out to visit me. I took them to my “office” and showed them around the Post. I introduced them to several of my new battle buddies (some men, some women) and they were so impressed with the outstanding character of everyone they met. I think they were put at ease because they physically saw that it wasn’t so scary. After 26 years and counting in the Army, they are both still very proud of my decision and are now advocates for bright young people to consider serving.
Now as a parent whose first born is pursuing a career in the armed forces, I have a whole new outlook on this. I see my DS in a lot of my young Soldiers and know that there will be great leaders out there who will consider him as one of their own (as I do) and know that he will be alright.
Be proud, be supportive and be thankful that there are such a great group of young people, including your DD, who are willing to serve this great country.
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Thank you for sharing your personal insight! It's greatly appreciated!
 
justdoit19 said:
I read through the thread. Everything posted is so true. In the spirit of your original post, looking for ways for you to feel more comfortable, I’ll offer these ideas (we also weren’t military):

Are you able to visit? Listening to a brief by leadership will certainly help you feel more at ease with your daughters choice. Seeing and experiencing the place. Of course that’s only the schooling piece, but listening to leaders and getting a feel for the type of people who do choose this path, will be comforting.

My oldest said “I’ve found my people” after his visit. Another thing I’ll emphasize, is that (as my youngest is getting revved up to shift his 2/7) up to reporting her 3rd year, she can walk away should she find this isn’t what she thought was for her. And my money is on that you, mom, will be excited for her TO commit.

My guess is the fear of the unknown, lack of information, and/or understanding is driving some of your feelings? That’s normal. Especially with current events. The piece to know is that she and her classmates will have the best training out there.

It’s tough to let go, for some!! Especially the last to leave the nest. All three of my boys are in the military, two at a SA. ALL THREE of them are better humans for it. They are becoming their best selves, doing more than they ever thought they could (we have had convo’s about it). In fact, my oldest, about to graduate from regular college has two resumes (figuratively…) he presented to future potential employers: ‘before joining, and after’. His after is fantastic. Because he became his best self. And as a parent? To witness that growth into their full potential? AHHHHMAZZZZING to witness. Hard to explain but the PRIDE in seeming them become something better than they could? Brings tears to my eyes. Not to dismiss any other choice/path, but I’ve seen it first hand, and owe it to the military bringing out their best selves.

So, mom, your fears will be quelled (imo). Replaced with something tough to put into words. It’s challenging at first, but with practice, you become more comfortable with it and your mindset shifts.…the first good bye Is tough. But through practice they become ‘easy’ “see ya later’s”.

This is new for you. And as with any new thing, with time and practice, it becomes easier. I promise you will not feel the same way you do now, in even a few months. Finding a battle buddy to share with might help, too. Another mom in a similar situation…perhaps through your parents club (a great place of support!!).

Hang in there. It absolutely gets easier.
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Thank you so much for your warmth and kindness and for validating my fears/concerns! Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response! It really hit home with me!
 
It is definitely a mind shift. We are a non-military family as well with our son is headed to the USCGA in June. It’s hard not to want to micro-manage him in preparation for Swab Summer and everything to follow. In the end though he is an adult and has to manage his world now for better or worse. Serving his country was 100% his choice and there really were no other options. I guess certain people are just wired that way. We are kind of dreading that first drop-off but know that this is what he wants.
 
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justdoit19 said:
I read through the thread. Everything posted is so true. In the spirit of your original post, looking for ways for you to feel more comfortable, I’ll offer these ideas (we also weren’t military):

Are you able to visit? Listening to a brief by leadership will certainly help you feel more at ease with your daughters choice. Seeing and experiencing the place. Of course that’s only the schooling piece, but listening to leaders and getting a feel for the type of people who do choose this path, will be comforting.

My oldest said “I’ve found my people” after his visit. Another thing I’ll emphasize, is that (as my youngest is getting revved up to shift his 2/7) up to reporting her 3rd year, she can walk away should she find this isn’t what she thought was for her. And my money is on that you, mom, will be excited for her TO commit.

My guess is the fear of the unknown, lack of information, and/or understanding is driving some of your feelings? That’s normal. Especially with current events. The piece to know is that she and her classmates will have the best training out there.

It’s tough to let go, for some!! Especially the last to leave the nest. All three of my boys are in the military, two at a SA. ALL THREE of them are better humans for it. They are becoming their best selves, doing more than they ever thought they could (we have had convo’s about it). In fact, my oldest, about to graduate from regular college has two resumes (figuratively…) he presented to future potential employers: ‘before joining, and after’. His after is fantastic. Because he became his best self. And as a parent? To witness that growth into their full potential? AHHHHMAZZZZING to witness. Hard to explain but the PRIDE in seeming them become something better than they could? Brings tears to my eyes. Not to dismiss any other choice/path, but I’ve seen it first hand, and owe it to the military bringing out their best selves.

So, mom, your fears will be quelled (imo). Replaced with something tough to put into words. It’s challenging at first, but with practice, you become more comfortable with it and your mindset shifts.…the first good bye Is tough. But through practice they become ‘easy’ “see ya later’s”.

This is new for you. And as with any new thing, with time and practice, it becomes easier. I promise you will not feel the same way you do now, in even a few months. Finding a battle buddy to share with might help, too. Another mom in a similar situation…perhaps through your parents club (a great place of support!!).

Hang in there. It absolutely gets easier.
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We visited West Point and the Naval Academy years ago when her brothers were considering SA's. Both brothers decided to attend elsewhere. DD is currently studying in Europe and seeing first hand a glimpse of the effects of war. She's been volunteering with organizations in aiding Ukrainian refugees in the town in which she lives. She is scheduled to be back in the US only 5 days before she will have to report for R Day, should she decide to attend USMA. That is part of our dilemma, as we don't have any time to take a second look at her choices. We have been highly impressed with most of the people we've come in contact with during this process. Most have been very responsive to her inquiries and very supportive. We are very proud that she wants to serve our country! And, I will have to make peace with my fears should she decide to go this route. Thank you for your guidance and kind words of encouragement!
 
Being in the military doesn’t make it any easier.
In 2005 after flying my last mission in Iraq I remember thinking. “At least my kids won’t have to come here.” Son of a gun. Eleven years later I was trying to hold it together with my DW (we have 5 combat tours between us) as our DD shipped out for Iraq. I was, and am proud of her. But I would have preferred that she pick a “safer” occupation.
If I was tech savvy I would change this meme to say “parent”, not mother.
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“I will have to make peace with my fears”

Why?

Those fears will be will you while at a SA they will be with you every time she deploys. Having those fears makes you a typical loving parent afraid for your childs future.

It changes as time goes on, in no way does it get easier for you.

She gets to travel and do really interesting worth while activities while getting paid——-you get to worry.
 
In regards to the never-ending desire to manage or take care of things for them, that goes away quickly for most SA parents. My DS gets more done in the 3 hour time difference between us than I do in a week. The academies are really good at that.
 
UHBlackhawk said:
Being in the military doesn’t make it any easier.
In 2005 after flying my last mission in Iraq I remember thinking. “At least my kids won’t have to come here.” Son of a gun. Eleven years later I was trying to hold it together with my DW (we have 5 combat tours between us) as our DD shipped out for Iraq. I was, and am proud of her. But I would have preferred that she pick a “safer” occupation.
If I was tech savvy I would change this meme to say “parent”, not mother.
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Oh goodness! That's exactly it!! :D Thank you for your understanding and empathy!
 
Small Team Bacsi said:
“I will have to make peace with my fears”

Why?

Those fears will be will you while at a SA they will be with you every time she deploys. Having those fears makes you a typical loving parent afraid for your childs future.

It changes as time goes on, in no way does it get easier for you.

She gets to travel and do really interesting worth while activities while getting paid——-you get to worry.
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Thank you! Thank you! Our family has always thought very highly of the military and its SA's. When our DD started the application process, we were very confident that USMA is the best choice. She, and we, still feel it's the best choice for her. It's just now, when reality has set in that she's joining the military, my fears/concerns have surfaced. Thank you for your validation!
 
I'm from a military family but my wife is not. She was scared at the thought of him going into the military. I talked to her and let her know that she can't let her fears change his calling. I also let her know that although I look like I'm not afraid on the outside, there are still those thoughts that pop in my head.

Before I-day, we visited the National Mall and saw the memorials. I asked my son if he was ready to have his name on the wall. He said that's not what he wants, but if it happens, he's willing. It's a calling.

Edit: Forgot to mention that she is now his biggest fan and wears Navy gear just about every day.
2nd Edit: Just noticed that his is a USMA thread and not an USNA thread. Although, I believe the feelings are universal to all Academies.
 
It is not your choice. You can have cold feet but don't take the joy and challenge away from your hard working, successful child. Order the 'West Point Moms Survival Guide,' join your local West Point Parents Club, join the West Point Moms FB group. It is ok to be worried about sending your kid away to something you know nothing about--but don't steal their joy. You created a person who feels called to serve and to face challenges--let him or her soar. You will be amazed by the wonderful opportunities your child has in the years ahead.
 
My experience will be a bit dated (20 plus years ago is when I graduated USMA), but think it will be applicable. I just had a discussion with my Dad fairly recently about my entrance into the academy as a young female with no military knowledge or exposure. He was fearful, skeptical, and unsure about my decision to go to USMA; however, i never really knew this until recently as I have been watching my son navigate his own journey with the application process. My parents were always supportive but they were shocked as I made it through each day, week, phase. Honestly, I don’t know what to think about their admission to me…..but I’m glad I didn’t know back then. I‘m glad I had their support and that is all I needed…if I heard their doubts and fears voiced I’m sure it would have influenced me somehow. Maybe? But they only showed me their support.

As a Mom now who is a USMA grad and military experience, it’s a different story. I have the same fears, worries, and anxieties as you. Even with this knowledge of what life is like there and beyond….I worry. Why? Because he is my son. So I don’t think it really matters if you have the knowledge / experience or not…it’s helpful; however, the bottom line is you will always worry about your child. But try to disguise that worry and your own anxieties as they have their own to deal with.

My son did not get an appointment to USMA; however, he did get a Falcon scholarship offer and an ROTC scholarship offer. He’s sure about one thing-service to our country. I know that I will support him regardless of the chosen path …and yes, I will worry. :)
 
DrMom said:
It is not your choice. You can have cold feet but don't take the joy and challenge away from your hard working, successful child. Order the 'West Point Moms Survival Guide,' join your local West Point Parents Club, join the West Point Moms FB group. It is ok to be worried about sending your kid away to something you know nothing about--but don't steal their joy. You created a person who feels called to serve and to face challenges--let him or her soar. You will be amazed by the wonderful opportunities your child has in the years ahead.
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I think I understand that it's not my choice. In an effort to keep my fears/concerns in check and hidden from DD, I reached out to "seasoned" parents on this forum to assuage them. If my intent was to dissuade my DD from WP, I wouldn't be on this forum asking for guidance, I'd be on the phone with her. Thank you for your advice on the available support groups.
 
TRAILRUNNER00 said:
My experience will be a bit dated (20 plus years ago is when I graduated USMA), but think it will be applicable. I just had a discussion with my Dad fairly recently about my entrance into the academy as a young female with no military knowledge or exposure. He was fearful, skeptical, and unsure about my decision to go to USMA; however, i never really knew this until recently as I have been watching my son navigate his own journey with the application process. My parents were always supportive but they were shocked as I made it through each day, week, phase. Honestly, I don’t know what to think about their admission to me…..but I’m glad I didn’t know back then. I‘m glad I had their support and that is all I needed…if I heard their doubts and fears voiced I’m sure it would have influenced me somehow. Maybe? But they only showed me their support.

As a Mom now who is a USMA grad and military experience, it’s a different story. I have the same fears, worries, and anxieties as you. Even with this knowledge of what life is like there and beyond….I worry. Why? Because he is my son. So I don’t think it really matters if you have the knowledge / experience or not…it’s helpful; however, the bottom line is you will always worry about your child. But try to disguise that worry and your own anxieties as they have their own to deal with.

My son did not get an appointment to USMA; however, he did get a Falcon scholarship offer and an ROTC scholarship offer. He’s sure about one thing-service to our country. I know that I will support him regardless of the chosen path …and yes, I will worry. :)
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Thank you for your insight and empathy!
 
Thank you to all who took the time to share your personal stories and console a complete stranger! I'm truly touched by all of your insightful posts. Thank you for validating my fears and allowing me to fret to you all! Don't know what I expected when I initially began this thread, but I am at peace with whatever happens... happens. Good luck to us all!
 
May I offer a suggestion? If you can, join your state's West Point parent club and get involved. Meet other people in real life who also have a kid at USMA. They will understand your concerns and will be a great source of camaraderie. If you have trouble finding a group in your state, send me a message and I will help you. You may also want to join the West Point FB pages as they are also a tremendous source of information.

I wish you well on this crazy journey.
 
bookreader said:
May I offer a suggestion? If you can, join your state's West Point parent club and get involved. Meet other people in real life who also have a kid at USMA. They will understand your concerns and will be a great source of camaraderie. If you have trouble finding a group in your state, send me a message and I will help you. You may also want to join the West Point FB pages as they are also a tremendous source of information.

I wish you well on this crazy journey.
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Thank you so much for your suggestion and offer of help if needed! It sounds like there's a great network of parent support groups! Thank you, again!
 
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