Wondering if there are any folks on here (or parents of the same) who either chose not to attend a service academy (or other commissioning source) or dropped out of one due to their desire to maintain a relationship with a significant other. If you care to discuss, what was the ultimate result of your decision and do you regret it?
For those who passed on the academies/ROTC/OCS etc. for a relationship…
- Thread starter Tex232
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Fingers crossed you don’t do that.
Both of my boys went in with a relationship, certain they would marry. One did, one got dumped. Moral of the story, is you just don’t know which bucket you will end up in. If it’s the later (dumped), will you be OK with giving up on your dreams? No significant other and no Commission??
10000000 pct, if you are meant to be, you will be. Is it hard? Maybe. But its also something that will strengthen your relationship in ways you cannot imagine.
If your significant other is ‘demanding’ you leave, or else they will? That’s a red flag of an unhealthy relationship. You didn’t ask for that, but it’s a truth. Perhaps your SO is suggesting they cannot handle the military lifestyle. But that also will come into focus over these next years. Perhaps they can and just dont know it yet.
Neither of you will be the same person in four years. A lot of growth and change happens these first young adult years. It seems tragic to me, to toss away a 4yr opportunity of a lifetime for a person who may or may not be there at the end.
BTW…not military, but DH and I married young, and lived apart for our first couple years. He had internships to complete and I had job responsibilities that kept us in different states. No internet, no iPhones. We will be celebrating 37 yrs of wedded bliss in a few months.
It takes a commitment to, and work towards, your future. Someday these few years won’t matter one bit. But the life you have built for yourself by taking advantage of opportunities before you, will. A mature relationship will make it through the hard times, working towards that common goal.
Best wishes to you!!
Both of my boys went in with a relationship, certain they would marry. One did, one got dumped. Moral of the story, is you just don’t know which bucket you will end up in. If it’s the later (dumped), will you be OK with giving up on your dreams? No significant other and no Commission??
10000000 pct, if you are meant to be, you will be. Is it hard? Maybe. But its also something that will strengthen your relationship in ways you cannot imagine.
If your significant other is ‘demanding’ you leave, or else they will? That’s a red flag of an unhealthy relationship. You didn’t ask for that, but it’s a truth. Perhaps your SO is suggesting they cannot handle the military lifestyle. But that also will come into focus over these next years. Perhaps they can and just dont know it yet.
Neither of you will be the same person in four years. A lot of growth and change happens these first young adult years. It seems tragic to me, to toss away a 4yr opportunity of a lifetime for a person who may or may not be there at the end.
BTW…not military, but DH and I married young, and lived apart for our first couple years. He had internships to complete and I had job responsibilities that kept us in different states. No internet, no iPhones. We will be celebrating 37 yrs of wedded bliss in a few months.
It takes a commitment to, and work towards, your future. Someday these few years won’t matter one bit. But the life you have built for yourself by taking advantage of opportunities before you, will. A mature relationship will make it through the hard times, working towards that common goal.
Best wishes to you!!
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Don’t worry, I already served as an officer so this post isn’t for me. Again I’m just curious because I’ve seen more than a few people on SAF talk about this dilemma.
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Lol….oops. And now I see your badge title.
i often wonder about posters who have posed this question over the years. My guesss is they dont come back here if they leave. I personally know of a local person who did DOR during plebe summer, his mom shared with me that the reason was a GF. I follow them, and they are no longer together. I wonder how the DOR thinks about that, now.
USMC Crayons
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As I get older, I have learned to not give out much advice, especially in regards to relationships. I do however always share one bit of advice in these types of situations. To your point: "10000000 pct, if you are meant to be, you will be. Is it hard? Maybe. But its also something that will strengthen your relationship in ways you cannot imagine." I share the advice like you if it's meant to be it will be, but also add that yes it will be difficult, but this will pale in comparison to difficulties you will experience in marriage. If a couple cannot manage a difficulty like this (let's face the fact that this is usually lust) as college students, then it will ultimately lead to an unsuccessful (or unhappy) union. A successful marriage is largely driven by how you navigate the tough times, because they will come for all couples. If you cannot navigate being apart successfully and becoming the best person you can be at this critical time of life, then that is not the person you are supposed to marry.
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Exactly. Well stated. And so very true.
USMAROTCFamily
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Okay, I will bite on this question. 40 years ago, I had checked out going to a service academy, and believe I would have been a very competitive candidate. But, I was young and in love and found out there was no way you could be married while at an academy. So, I gave up that dream, got engaged right after graduation, went off to college, joined AROTC and got an ROTC scholarship. I broke up with my fiance, commissioned in the Army and went on active duty. In the Army, I met my DH (who was a WP Grad) and we have now been married for 31 years. I did not make the military my career, in the end, but transitioned to my civilian career that I will retire from in a year. My DH did make a career in the Army, so I followed him around until he retired. That being said, do I ever regret not going to an academy? Yes, I do. In hindsight, if I had to do it all over again, I would have. But at this phase of my life, this is never something that I have ever dwelled on, because I have had a wonderful life.
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@USMAROTCFamily captures the two sides of the decision so well.
On one hand, if a path is the ideal fit for you (say, an SA followed by AD), then don’t give up the opportunity in the name of “love.” And yes, I do put “love” in quotes, because love for an 18-year-old is very different from love when you’re 28, 48, 88. It’s not necessarily lesser or lighter — just different.
On the other hand, if you do choose “love” and it doesn’t flower as you wished, things can and will work out wonderfully in the end. Whatever the phrase — “make the most of what you have,” “bloom where you’re planted” — the end of an early relationship shouldn’t and won’t define how your life ultimately unfolds.
USMAROTCFamily
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Oh, and you know another regret I have? That I didn't go to a college with a big college football program!!! LOL I love college football now and I wish I had my own alma mater to cheer for. I went to a Division II school and none of us cared/care about the team) (Of course I have been watching all the bowl games this weekend!) Luckily, I have been able to live vicariously through my kids, in this case, and their teams became my teams to cheer for. 
(I know, this is really for a different thread)
(I know, this is really for a different thread)
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Short answer: Yes, I know someone who declined a West Point appointment (and Army football) due to a desire to maintain a relationship. Everything worked out fine and they are happily married.
Much longer answer: (Because with many things in life, a simple answer doesn’t really give the whole picture. Many decisions have multiple facets to consider.)
This person is my son-in-law. He had an appointment to West Point and was going to play football (6’5” 270#). My daughter had appointments to USAFA and USNA (they have dated since sophomore year in HS). However, daughter was medically DQ’d. SIL knew that without daughter being military, it would make things more difficult. Another factor was his career aspiration to be a physician. He ended up turning down his appointment, playing football at another school (4 year starting OT), and then went on to medical school and is now a doctor in Florida with a pediatric hospital. He also knew that if he went Army he would not have as much choice in his specialty. So, even though he declined the appointment mostly due to my daughter, there were other considerations. Honestly, at the time I thought he was an idiot for turning down West Point, but it did work out fine.
Sorry for the delay in posting this, but I had to get permissions to post some details on this since I have never related this on the forum in the past.
Much longer answer: (Because with many things in life, a simple answer doesn’t really give the whole picture. Many decisions have multiple facets to consider.)
This person is my son-in-law. He had an appointment to West Point and was going to play football (6’5” 270#). My daughter had appointments to USAFA and USNA (they have dated since sophomore year in HS). However, daughter was medically DQ’d. SIL knew that without daughter being military, it would make things more difficult. Another factor was his career aspiration to be a physician. He ended up turning down his appointment, playing football at another school (4 year starting OT), and then went on to medical school and is now a doctor in Florida with a pediatric hospital. He also knew that if he went Army he would not have as much choice in his specialty. So, even though he declined the appointment mostly due to my daughter, there were other considerations. Honestly, at the time I thought he was an idiot for turning down West Point, but it did work out fine.
Sorry for the delay in posting this, but I had to get permissions to post some details on this since I have never related this on the forum in the past.