AROTC Essay (Would Anyone be Willing to Give Me Some Feedback?)

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guydelarosa

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Oct 1, 2019
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I found that some user where extremely helpful when I was doing my NROTC essay. Thankfully, the advice worked and my tier 2 scholarship was placed at Harvard (Deferred šŸ˜ž) back in early December. After going back and reading my NROTC essays, I found that they where pretty awful compared to what I wrote for my college supplements. I'm actually quite surprised and fell very lucky to have been fortunate enough to receive my scholarship so early with my essays being below average.

Regardless, I'm hoping some of you guys could help me, again, with the AROTC essay. I fully understand that nothing is for certain and a successful NROTC application does not mean the same will happen for AROTC, so I'm really trying to put my best package forth for the boards.

I would prefer that parents or adult involved with this forum take a look (obviously for privacy and plagiarism concerns), but I would appreciate feedback from anyone. Let me know if you want to take a look, and I'll PM the essay over.

I appreciate your guy's help and look forward to hearing your suggestions!
 
@guydelarosa You were offered help for your AROTC essay and did not work with me at all. For someone applying to Harvard and Yale I'd expect more considering your perceived attitude about the supposed importance of the essay. You made a post previously asking for help, and you ignored the one person willing to take the time to improve your essay. While I cannot be sure of the true tone of online text, it comes off snobby and disrespectful when a fellow AROTC applicant (and now scholarship winner) offers their help, is ignored in PMs, and sees a new post asking for parents/adults to consider taking the time out of their busy lives to personally look over your essay, under the guise of privacy and plagiarism concerns. Your stats look competitive for a scholarship (based on what I've seen from other threads), but the essay is simply a much smaller aspect of your application compared to how your PMS interview went, ECs, and athletics. The Board isn't looking for world-renown writing from a high school senior, rather, they want a genuine story and straightforward explanation on why Army ROTC. I'd highly suggest in the future you consider all help people are willing to give you, as the old adage goes "beggars can't be choosers." Good luck on your application and I wish all the best come the third round of AROTC scholarships.
 
I already received my scholarship back in the 1st AROTC board and my USMA essays have already been submitted. I would be willing to review and make suggestions on yours.
 
JBfortunecookie1 said:
@guydelarosa You were offered help for your AROTC essay and did not work with me at all. For someone applying to Harvard and Yale I'd expect more considering your perceived attitude about the supposed importance of the essay. You made a post previously asking for help, and you ignored the one person willing to take the time to improve your essay. While I cannot be sure of the true tone of online text, it comes off snobby and disrespectful when a fellow AROTC applicant (and now scholarship winner) offers their help, is ignored in PMs, and sees a new post asking for parents/adults to consider taking the time out of their busy lives to personally look over your essay, under the guise of privacy and plagiarism concerns. Your stats look competitive for a scholarship (based on what I've seen from other threads), but the essay is simply a much smaller aspect of your application compared to how your PMS interview went, ECs, and athletics. The Board isn't looking for world-renown writing from a high school senior, rather, they want a genuine story and straightforward explanation on why Army ROTC. I'd highly suggest in the future you consider all help people are willing to give you, as the old adage goes "beggars can't be choosers." Good luck on your application and I wish all the best come the third round of AROTC scholarships.
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I donā€™t mean any offense, but it could be he did not want your advice and/ or did not know how to decline politely. It comes off as rude on both roads, him for potentially ignoring you, and you for calling him out in this manner. Just something to keep in mind! Congratulations on your scholarship!
 
Senioritis said:
I donā€™t mean any offense, but it could be he did not want your advice and/ or did not know how to decline politely. It comes off as rude on both roads, him for potentially ignoring you, and you for calling him out in this manner. Just something to keep in mind! Congratulations on your scholarship!
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It's not that I didn't know how to decline, but rather that I just wasn't on this thread that past day. I've been traveling and have been pretty busy. The only reason that I reposted that thread is for more exposure. Although, it is my fault that I forgot to respond to the other posters PM before making this thread.
 
Like I mentioned, the true tone of online text can always be muffled. I apologize if I as well came off as rude or insensitive, but from my perspective, my remarks about the situation seemed correct. My apologies for the misinterpretation of text. Best of luck to your application! Cheers.
 
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