Best time to visit if you can’t do both: R-day or Parents Weekend in Fall?

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Jeeplady777

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We’re from Oregon and with the cost of airfare right now, we unfortunately can’t do both so we’re trying to decide if it would be better to come when our DS commissions during swab summer Day -1 or for parents weekend in Sept? Any thoughts?
 
We ended up not being able to go to parents weekend, but I would think it would it have been pretty hard for me to send the kid off without seeing where he was ending up. Parents weekend might be more fun to sit in on classes, but day one is geared to help make the transition. Additionally some kids get freaked out that first day. Our kid was almost giddy as we were saying goodbye, but other kids have a range of emotional responses and might benefit from a hug and a few kind words.
 
For Day One, there are also activities during the weekend before if you haven't been able to visit USCGA before. The Parents Association Chapters will be set up with items for sale and there will be other activities. Here is the schedule for the class of 2027 (https://uscga.edu/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/2027-Day_One_Schedule.pdf). There is also a program called RISE (https://uscga.edu/admissions/rise/) which is designed for swabs and their parents to get oriented with USCGA.
As @StPaulDad said, some swabs need some extra assurance at the end of Day One and there will be 3 more Parents Weekends you could attend. If you can only choose one, I think I would choose Day One.
 
Day 1. Can’t speak to the parents experience but day one was basically the most traumatic day of my life and I am glad I had my parents to see me off. A lot of people get super stressed out before swab summer, (if they know what’s coming) and if that was me I wouldn’t have wanted to be traveling alone all stressed out and stuff.

You won’t be able to see a thing as a parent. All the kids look the same without hair. you’ll just get to hug your kid halfway through the day after swearing in as they try not to cry.

He’ll make friends and someone else’s parents will adopt him for parents weekend.

On another note, commissioning is when you get your butter bars 200 weeks later, if you make it as they say. That first day is swearing in.
 
Sierra said:
Day 1. Can’t speak to the parents experience but day one was basically the most traumatic day of my life and I am glad I had my parents to see me off. A lot of people get super stressed out before swab summer, (if they know what’s coming) and if that was me I wouldn’t have wanted to be traveling alone all stressed out and stuff.

You won’t be able to see a thing as a parent. All the kids look the same without hair. you’ll just get to hug your kid halfway through the day after swearing in as they try not to cry.

He’ll make friends and someone else’s parents will adopt him for parents weekend.

On another note, commissioning is when you get your butter bars 200 weeks later, if you make it as they say. That first day is swearing in.
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Thanks for the clarification on commissioning vs. swearing in. We’re not a military family so this is all so new.

Sounds like R-day is the way to go! Thank you all for the input/perspective.
 
Jeeplady777 said:
We’re from Oregon and with the cost of airfare right now, we unfortunately can’t do both so we’re trying to decide if it would be better to come when our DS commissions during swab summer Day -1 or for parents weekend in Sept? Any thoughts?
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We are from Oregon as well and our DD is in Class of 2025. We were ab le to attend both R-Day and the first parents weekend. Fortunately we planned a family vacation in New England for R-Day.

Regarding R-Day there were many things planned around the Academy as mentioned earlier but once you drop them off at the specified time you don't see them until afternoon and it is for like 5 minutes. That 5 minute window is a bit brutal in that the Swabs have already begun and think of a large painful cut that has naturally scabbed over with whatever band aid our child could make on their own. Then you rip it off to look at it and away they go as they get called back.

Regarding Parents Weekend, there are some nice activities but many of the 4c's are required to stay for the game or other events. All our daughter wanted was to leave, go to the place we had, be out of uniform and relax. But we had to wait around until they were allowed to leave. It is also a normal weekend and the cadets do not get any early or extra leave. I would definitely look for an upcoming holiday when the Academy closes and the get an extra day.

As you are from Oregon suggest your DS try to get a host parent. Our daughter got one and they have been wonderful. Furthermore if your DS does get a host, try to meet them and get to know them as they will be the ones that your DS will be able to call for bringing some needed item from Target or most likely able to pick them up and take them to Target or a meal off base when they can leave.

I would also suggest if you are doing R-Day, book a hotel soon and ask around here or Facebook for recommendations. We were not pleased with the Clarion that we stayed at.
 
Great point by @D12USGAux about a host family. During swab summer, all swabs are given the chance to sign up to request a host family. Priority is given to those cadets who live far away, but usually all swabs who request one will be given one. If you happen to know someone in the local area who is willing to serve as a host family, that can work out as well. Usually host families sponsor multiple cadets so your child would get a chance to meet more cadets that way.
 
Jeeplady777 said:
We’re from Oregon and with the cost of airfare right now, we unfortunately can’t do both so we’re trying to decide if it would be better to come when our DS commissions during swab summer Day -1 or for parents weekend in Sept? Any thoughts?
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Could you split it and one of you go for R day and one for Parent's Weekend?
 
While R Day was an exceptionally tough day, I can't imagine having not been there to see my DS off. We made it a whole weekend and enjoyed Mystic and had some great meals together. If I had to choose, DEFINITELY R Day for me:)
 
The host family mentioned above is referred to as the Sponsor Family. For many years, the swabs met their sponsor family during swab summer. They attended a dinner a few days before the Mystic Flag Ceremony. The last few years, the first meeting was right after swab summer at an ice cream social. I can't speak for post-Covid, but pre-Covid International students had a host family that they stayed with the week leading up to Day 1. This helped them adjust to CGA, timezone, food, etc. If there was mutual interest, this family would become the sponsor family.
 
If I had to chose R-day or parents weekend:

My vote would be to attend R-day, you will remember it forever and that is when you kid will need the most support.

Parents weekend is jam packed and as others have said the cadet will have some duty and have to attend the football game so you will get very little one-on-one time with them. A often better alternative is usually the weekend or two before or after will be a three-day federal holiday weekend, that is the time to visit when you can get a lot of time one-on-one with your kid and he/she can tour you around campus if you like. Parents weekend is mainly a freshman 4/c event. You used to get to go to class with your kid and that was fun, but that stopped during covid, not sure if it is on again.

Visit recommendations for far away parents who don't have unlimited airline money or points:

1. Go to R-Day - go to the tour and briefings (they are similar to parents weekend). Go early and take part in the activities. Kid will be nervous and need you here. No one gets much sleep the night before drop off.

2. If your kid is struggling and you get concerning letters in the mail during swab summer, then go to Flag day and let them vent, it will make you and your spouse feel better if you can lay your eyes on them so to speak and remind them why they wanted to attend. If your kid loves swab summer, skip flag day, they only get like a 6 hour pass and it is not worth the flight.

3. Skip parents weekend and go on the closest 3-day federal holiday to get more time with your kid. Parents weekend is fun, but briefings and tour are 70% repetitive of R-day. If your kid is on the football team, go and watch him play. When you go for the 3-day weekend tell your cadet to invite his/her roommate and friends to a meal out with you. You will learn all you need to know by listening to a group of 4/c freshman talk in a restaurant. Bring money they will eat a lot and want to go to target after to buy "stuff."

4. Let kid stay at academy for thanksgiving or go to a friends house or host family. It is only like a 4 day weekend and they will insist on coming back Saturday so they don't get in trouble, so it is actually a very short break. Usually, kids from outside New England get themselves invited to a friends house.

5. Fly them home for Christmas, it's a two week break. And you can leave after your last final so get an adjustable airline ticket. Many of us have begged USCGA to put out the finals schedule at the start of the semester like other colleges so you can buy a cheap ticket home, but they insist they are unable to put out the finals schedule until about 25 days before finals. With all the provost and deans they hired, this has not gotten any better. So get a southwest ticket with free changes so you can fly the cadet home right after his/her last final.

6. Never buy a non-refundable airline ticket, things change.
 
Repeating what others have said, but I have a pretty tough kid, and I don't know if he would have made it if I didn't give him the final "You've got this" on R-day. Parents weekend was nice, and I'll continue to go, but I didn't feel my presence was as necessary as it was on R-day.
 
Haveaniceday said:
If I had to chose R-day or parents weekend:

My vote would be to attend R-day, you will remember it forever and that is when you kid will need the most support.

Parents weekend is jam packed and as others have said the cadet will have some duty and have to attend the football game so you will get very little one-on-one time with them. A often better alternative is usually the weekend or two before or after will be a three-day federal holiday weekend, that is the time to visit when you can get a lot of time one-on-one with your kid and he/she can tour you around campus if you like. Parents weekend is mainly a freshman 4/c event. You used to get to go to class with your kid and that was fun, but that stopped during covid, not sure if it is on again.

Visit recommendations for far away parents who don't have unlimited airline money or points:

1. Go to R-Day - go to the tour and briefings (they are similar to parents weekend). Go early and take part in the activities. Kid will be nervous and need you here. No one gets much sleep the night before drop off.

2. If your kid is struggling and you get concerning letters in the mail during swab summer, then go to Flag day and let them vent, it will make you and your spouse feel better if you can lay your eyes on them so to speak and remind them why they wanted to attend. If your kid loves swab summer, skip flag day, they only get like a 6 hour pass and it is not worth the flight.

3. Skip parents weekend and go on the closest 3-day federal holiday to get more time with your kid. Parents weekend is fun, but briefings and tour are 70% repetitive of R-day. If your kid is on the football team, go and watch him play. When you go for the 3-day weekend tell your cadet to invite his/her roommate and friends to a meal out with you. You will learn all you need to know by listening to a group of 4/c freshman talk in a restaurant. Bring money they will eat a lot and want to go to target after to buy "stuff."

4. Let kid stay at academy for thanksgiving or go to a friends house or host family. It is only like a 4 day weekend and they will insist on coming back Saturday so they don't get in trouble, so it is actually a very short break. Usually, kids from outside New England get themselves invited to a friends house.

5. Fly them home for Christmas, it's a two week break. And you can leave after your last final so get an adjustable airline ticket. Many of us have begged USCGA to put out the finals schedule at the start of the semester like other colleges so you can buy a cheap ticket home, but they insist they are unable to put out the finals schedule until about 25 days before finals. With all the provost and deans they hired, this has not gotten any better. So get a southwest ticket with free changes so you can fly the cadet home right after his/her last final.

6. Never buy a non-refundable airline ticket, things change.
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Great advice. Just a couple updates.
This year the cadets had a full week break at Thanksgiving! And according to the schedule looking forward, a full week break is planned for the next couple years. I think perhaps the new superintendent made this change. So this was the first year many west coast families flew their cadet home for Thanksgiving. Of course, there is still the option to stay with their sponsor family or with other cadets, but it is a longer break so take that into consideration.

For Parents Weekend, yes parents can visit classes again. If the individual teachers approved, parents can attend Friday classes. Some teachers say no because the classroom isn't big enough or perhaps the class has a test that day. But I really enjoyed attending classes with my daughter the past 2 years. You also have a chance to see your cadet's room and other parts of Chase Hall (with your cadet) which you wouldn't get to see on a normal weekend. I would still choose Day One (R-Day) over Parents Weekend if I could only go to one, making sure to come in early enough to participate in activities, see the campus, and have some chill time with your child before dropping them off.
 
Jeeplady777 said:
We may encourage grandparents to see him for the parents weekend so he still sees someone from home.
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This would be awesome!! If it doesn't happen, he will have plenty of friends who don't have parents there. A 3 day weekend is probably a better time to visit, since the Parent's Weekend schedule this year had the cadets come back Saturday am, for a parade (that was cancelled), and they only had after Noon saturday until Sunday evening.
 
It’s a personal choice. Day one (formerly R-Day) is an emotional day. I’ll say keep your eyes peeled once pre-reporting comes out, this year could look different (schedule varies year to year).

Mystic flag is great—many moons ago it was nice to see my mom, but, even better (sorry mom) was getting shut eye in a hotel in Groton for what was a “Jenny” (from forest Gump) next level nap. The goal is to get all swabs in synch for mystic flag this year, but, as always, I’m just a person on the internet and THINGS ARE ALWAYS SUBJECT TO CHANGE before the word is official/final.

Parents weekend is great, but my recommendation is to come up for Memorial Day, Columbus/IP Day in the fall. The campus is MAYHEM during PW, hotels are $$, drydock is slammed, and parking is tight (I feel the last one deeply now 😫). So long as your student doesn’t have duty or isn’t on restriction for mischievous activity (we all make mistakes after all), Dobby is otherwise a free elf.

I would NOT meet eagle in port during swab shorts to see DS/DD. That is a time for them to be with their new shipmates, experience liberty, and the last thing they need is parent time. Additionally, if Swab Jimmy hurts his leg he won’t be sailing. Also that schedule is subject to change from the forces of King Neptune, duty schedule, and heck, sweepers.. Cheers.
 
In reference to Mystic Flag Ceremony we were very lucky to have met another family on R-Day that was within reasonable distance and they attending the Flag Ceremony. They actually ran across our DD and let her call us. Also lucky to have been monitoring events and answered every call that I got that day. I think the SWABs may have gotten their phones at that time but many had dead batteries.

This past year we flew out for Thanksgiving which was very nice. As we are also in Oregon, our daughter has found direct flights from Boston, so she has to take the train to Boston and work through 3 modes of transportation all carrying bags. Just food for thought.
 
My son is a cadet at USCGA, class of 2025 from Henderson, NV (20 minutes to the Las Vegas Strip). If you can only attend one series of events, which is better, R-Day or Parent's Weekend? This is a difficult question that plagues parents every Swab Summer and 4/C year, especially if the parents are traveling long distances (i.e. extra costs). I am a 20-year US Navy veteran. So, it was important to me to see my son's "Swearing-in Ceremony" on R-day. Two posts above mine, CGA17 stated, "Day one (formerly R-Day) is an emotional day." I wholeheartedly agree! My wife, son, and I decided that I would take him (just the two of us) a few days early to R-day so that we could familiarize ourselves with the local area, explore the campus (I had access via my DOD CAC and retired USN ID card), and view the Swearing-in Ceremony. I will never forget seeing and speaking with my son after the Swearing-in Ceremony. That short 15 (or was it 10?) minutes together was one of the craziest, emotional, and proudest moments of my life as a father! Later that autumn, during Parent's Weekend, my wife, daughter, and I all traveled to visit my son. Since I knew the layout of the campus and local area, it was very convenient for the Mrs. and my daughter. Obviously, I do not know your situation. However, I recommend the following if possible. Have one parent take your child to R-day and then have the other parent visit during Parent's Weekend. Although Parent's Weekend opportunities are available all four years, I think it's important to attend the 4/C first year Parent's Weekend, especially because your child will receive overnight liberty at least one night following the football game on Saturday. I know you're probably thinking, "Why would all this trouble be worth it for one night." In the case of my son, that one night together (dinner, shopping - with a vehicle to take things back to Chase Hall, talking, reminiscing, meeting other cadets and parents, etc. was worth the extra expenditures of a second trip!)

Additional thoughts: 3/C year, my son specifically requested that we NOT come to Parent's Weekend for two factors. First, he was/is too busy with his various musical endeavors at the Academy (music performance on Friday evening and Windjammers performance at the football game). Additionally, it is traditional to a certain degree that 3/C cadets stand a lot of watchstanding duty during that weekend as a payback for the liberty/free time received during their 4/C Parent's Weekend the previous year. Yes, 2/C and 1/C cadets also stand watches during Parent's Weekend if their loved ones aren't coming. I asked my son, "Is this a tradition at USCGA?" He replied, "Yes, but it's not written in stone or anything."

During my son's 2/C year, I traveled to Parent's Weekend alone to of course visit my son, but also eat lunch in the Wardroom. As an enlisted sailor, I was never allowed to even set foot into the Wardroom (Officer's Country) during my career aboard four separate ships. So, eating in the Wardroom (although it's just an over-glorified cafeteria compared to a ship/cutter's Wardroom) with my son was special and important to me (My son said, "Dad you're probably going to be in for a big disappointment - LOL). No, the food was not gourmet or anything, but I did enjoy the Wardroom and seeing where my son eats daily! On Saturday before the football game, my son was busy with Windjammer rehearsal and Physics tutoring for a subordinate 4/C cadet. Being alone that morning afforded me ample opportunities to visit academic buildings that I wasn't able to see during my son's 4/C Parent's Weekend. I scored an awesome visit to the (forget the building name) basement level Bridge Simulators. One simulator room was empty of guests, and I drove (sailed) around New York City and Ellis Island for 20+ minutes uninterrupted without crashing! That was definitely a highlight of the trip! Also, on Friday I attended Operating Systems, Linear Algebra, Databases, and Introduction to Cryptology classes with my son. As a 34-year experienced US Naval and DOD Contractor Electronics Technician, I am ashamed to admit that I was only able to legitimately answer three questions during all four classes (1 in operating systems and 2 in Cryptology). Everything was coding and advanced mathematics. I hadn't a prayer, but attending the classes and meeting other cadets and their parents was fun!

Next year (1/C year), the Mrs. and I will not visit our son during Parent's Weekend. However, we plan to visit during a (non-Parent's Day) weekend that has either a Monday or Friday holiday in addition to a home Bear's football game. Beginning this summer through my son's graduation in 2025 will be crazy because not only do we have to make multiple trips to USCGA, but we also have to travel to Annapolis, MD, 2-3 times because our daughter received an appointment to USNA. My bank account will be taking many hits in 2024-2025. I cannot complain though.
 
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I haven't read all of the responses, but I see where it's mentioned you can go to classes with your cadet on Parents Weekend. I certainly wouldn't count on that. We weren't allowed to, even after traveling from the west coast. We had to sit outside of the classes and waited in the rain for our cadet. (2023) LOL! It's at the teacher's discretion whether or not to allow family in the classrooms and often times there just isn't room. Consider seeing the classes on Friday of Parents Weekend as a bonus, rather than a given.

Also, note on Mystic Flag day... I wouldn't make travel plans that weren't easily changeable. There were major changes last year and many cadets were on the Eagle who initially were scheduled for the parade.

My vote definitely goes to "R-Day". You won't be able to ever experience anything like that again. :)
 
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