Confessions of a “control freak” parent...

D

dadinnc

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Dec 4, 2020
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An admission — I’m a control freak. I don’t think I’m a “helicopter parent.” I haven’t been to my kids’ school in many years for a conversation with teachers or administrators. But I do like to be well informed, on task, and on schedule, and I’m inclined to push others including my kids to value the same.

For his AROTC scholarship, I sat beside my son as quietly as I possibly could sit while he completed his DODMERB medical history online. There were a few questions where he had no idea what was being asked, so I’m glad I was there.

But here’s my big growth moment. He scheduled his own medical and vision appts during lunchtime at school. And he’s currently at the medical appt all by himself.

Yes, I’m bragging. On myself!!! It is important to celebrate personal growth. :)

Thanks, SAF! The wisdom of many folks here has given me the push to let go just a bit and allow my son to own the process for himself. For me, it is a work in progress!!!
 
dadinnc said:
An admission — I’m a control freak. I don’t think I’m a “helicopter parent.” I haven’t been to my kids’ school in many years for a conversation with teachers or administrators. But I do like to be well informed, on task, and on schedule, and I’m inclined to push others including my kids to value the same.

For his AROTC scholarship, I sat beside my son as quietly as I possibly could sit while he completed his DODMERB medical history online. There were a few questions where he had no idea what was being asked, so I’m glad I was there.

But here’s my big growth moment. He scheduled his own medical and vision appts during lunchtime at school. And he’s currently at the medical appt all by himself.

Yes, I’m bragging. On myself!!! It is important to celebrate personal growth. :)

Thanks, SAF! The wisdom of many folks here has given me the push to let go just a bit and allow my son to own the process for himself. For me, it is a work in progress!!!
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I’m a recovering perfectionist. There is hope. You will never look back on your life and say I wish I had spent more time doing chores and less time pausing to read a good book, take a walk with your dogs or sit quietly with a family member and just be.
 
The one thing that’s hard to teach young troops (both Officer and Enlisted) and something that I continue to do with my DS is to trust but verify. Don‘t just sit back and expect others to be on top of tasks that directly affect your future!
 
I think of myself as a "control enthusiast". I am used to directing things and making decisions. It was hard to sit back and let DS take the reins when he was applying for his NROTC scholarship. I forced myself to take a back seat and try to only "offer suggestions" when he asked for guidance and resist the almost overwhelming urge to "ask questions" along the way. The result was an immense sense of pride in him when he successfully submitted his application package, was offered a scholarship and went on to excel at college. I guess the little knucklehead was listening after all growing up. Now he commissions in a few weeks and is looking forward to the next chapter.

For anyone wondering why the words above are in quotes, you can just insert the words "give directions" in those spots.
 
Having had exponentially more experience with parents and applicants...(Brooklyn Accent)...The stories I can tell you!!!

I saw one JROTC sophomore in uniform in Houston, ask her parents to be seated quietly and she gave them a soda and a hot dog. She then spent the next hour asking all the Academy reps, to include a BG, a myriad of salient questions until she was the last prospective applicant there...she was a SOPHOMORE

Then I had a Dad in FL with two senior sons who decided he was going to ask me all the questions and I said that was not going to happen. He got offended and said he knew more about his sons than I would ever know. Than both US Representatives went up to him and said just in their offices alone, they had to restrict parents from asking questions because they saw the fallout of uneducated (to the process), how the applicants in their district became.
 
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MullenLE said:
Having had exponentially more experience with parents and applicants...(Brooklyn Accent)...The stories I can tell you!!!

I saw one JROTC sophomore in uniform in Houston, ask her parents to be seated quietly and she gave them a soda and a hot dog. She then spent the next hour asking all the Academy reps, to include a BG, a myriad of salient questions until she was the last prospective applicant there...she was a SOPHOMORE

Then I had a Dad in FL with two senior sons who decided he was going to ask me all the questions and I said that was not going to happen. He got offended and said he knew more about his sons than I would ever know. Than both US Representatives went up to him and said just in their offices alone, they had to restrict parents from asking questions because they saw the fallout of uneducated (to the process), how the applicants in their district became.
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We know Mr. Mullen’s chest of stories is actually going to be its own exhibit room in the Library of Congress.
 
Capt MJ said:
I’m a recovering perfectionist. There is hope. You will never look back on your life and say I wish I had spent more time doing chores and less time pausing to read a good book, take a walk with your dogs or sit quietly with a family member and just be.
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THIS.

Last weekend we had a get together with my sons and their wives to celebrate my wife's birthday. I got cornered by my daughter-in-laws blaming me for my sons' perfectionism (may not have been the exact word they used:rolleyes:) pickiness, obsessiveness, in-ability to let things be less than just how they want them. I couldn't argue, everything they described was exactly how I acted when they were younger and lived at home.

I told them there is hope, I'm much more relaxed now days, not nearly as wound. Of course I don't have kids at home any longer either. Wonder if there is a connection there?
 
MullenLE said:
Having had exponentially more experience with parents and applicants...(Brooklyn Accent)...The stories I can tell you!!!

I saw one JROTC sophomore in uniform in Houston, ask her parents to be seated quietly and she gave them a soda and a hot dog. She then spent the next hour asking all the Academy reps, to include a BG, a myriad of salient questions until she was the last prospective applicant there...she was a SOPHOMORE

Then I had a Dad in FL with two senior sons who decided he was going to ask me all the questions and I said that was not going to happen. He got offended and said he knew more about his sons than I would ever know. Than both US Representatives went up to him and said just in their offices alone, they had to restrict parents from asking questions because they saw the fallout of uneducated (to the process), how the applicants in their district became.
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i am confused, who has the Brooklyn accent, you orthe applicants?
 
dadinnc said:
An admission — I’m a control freak. I don’t think I’m a “helicopter parent.” I haven’t been to my kids’ school in many years for a conversation with teachers or administrators. But I do like to be well informed, on task, and on schedule, and I’m inclined to push others including my kids to value the same.

For his AROTC scholarship, I sat beside my son as quietly as I possibly could sit while he completed his DODMERB medical history online. There were a few questions where he had no idea what was being asked, so I’m glad I was there.

But here’s my big growth moment. He scheduled his own medical and vision appts during lunchtime at school. And he’s currently at the medical appt all by himself.

Yes, I’m bragging. On myself!!! It is important to celebrate personal growth. :)

Thanks, SAF! The wisdom of many folks here has given me the push to let go just a bit and allow my son to own the process for himself. For me, it is a work in progress!!!
Click to expand...
Not every young person becomes ready to fly solo at the same age. My two DS’s are completely different from each other in that regard. One of them packed his own diaper bag at 3 years old when we were going on an outing. The other one, at age 18, couldn’t get his stuff together if I told him we’re leaving in a half an hour pack your stuff and get ready.

With each child you have to let go of the controls at different times and at different rates. Give them as much independence and responsibility as they can handle and step back gradually. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

P.S. - The one who packed his own diaper bag at age 3 is the one applying to service academies and NROTC
 
dadinnc said:
An admission — I’m a control freak.
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I admit I am a control freak for one topic!

Timely, appropriate, and quality medical care when there could be permanent consequences - yes, we've been there with an ROTC injury. ROTC cadre and staff vary with their knowledge, skills, and common sense. Service Academies have fail safes in place that don't exist in ROTC units.

My cadet handled it with coaching from experienced military parents but I truly had to stop myself from communicating with the professor of military science and MSG.

LTC/PMS/MSG .... you shouldn't keep cadets in the field with a diagnosed broken bone, no pain meds as prescribed by the ER, no ice, and a sleeping bag as the only option for two additional nights. It's not a combat zone and if it were, you would have evacuated the wounded.
 
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