Dating at the academy...

F

futurefalcon13

10-Year Member
5-Year Member
Joined
Feb 1, 2008
Messages
1
Well, my boyfriend and I both aspire to attend the USAFA. However, we are faced with the question of how dating between cadets is viewed at the academy. Are there any current cadets who can shed some light on this subject?
 
Cadets do date quite a bit here (as much as the male to female ratio goes). So, you guys could still date, just have to go on "Fairchild" dates if you can't find a car to go out. ;)

For me, I refuse to date a cadet. My own preference.
 
I'm not too far removed from that, at least it doesn't feel that way, so I'll take a shot.


At the Coast Guard Academy, dating between cadets was called "Darksiding".

In the class behind mine two cadets arrived at reporting in day as a couple. They lived in the same town and dated in high school. I believe the relationship lasted one or two years and they broke it off. I don't think it was because of the school though, maybe they just drifted apart.

Of the just over 200 of my classmates that graduated, probably around five ended up marrying each other. That's not terrible odds. MANY MANY more of us turned to the Dark Side at some point in our cadet careers. I visited the Dark Side three times myself.

Obviously it worked out for the people who married.

I have a few cautions.

1. Make sure you can control yourself. It's a military setting. If you can't keep your hands off of each other it might be bad news. You can't kiss, can't hold hands, can't be in rooms with the doors closed. When people do do this stuff, they will sometimes be caught and the iron fist will fall. You'll have to be inventive. As a sophmore I worked out a deal with the Wardroom staff to give me a table cloth, a few nice clear plastic plates, forks, knives, and cups. I got good juice at the exchange, and ordered out Chinese. It was a surprise for her, and it was a little Chinese dinner date. Not entirely professional, but at some point you'll have to live a little. Sexual misconduct in the barracks is a big Class I offense, and it is losely defined, so better safe than sorry.

2. Have some time apart. Academies have a way of putting the jets on a relationship. You have so little personnal time that when it is available you spend it with the significant other. That is a lot of "me" time with someone else, and it can burn you out.

3. Be prepared for rumors. The Academy Rumor Mill is unbelievably efficient. In no time your business, with your significant other will be everyone else's business.

4. If and when you break up, there is LITTLE room to get away. You will have to deal with the fact that you will see your ex dating all kinds of people. It will be in your face, you will not like it, and it will get old. I dated a girl that had a room in my wing area. Once we broke up, we still had to walk by each others rooms...not ideal. If you need room after a break up, an academy is a hard place to find it.

5. Be prepared to see them in the fleet or whatever service you will be in. The Coast Guard's small so the chances of a Coastie interacting with an ex is pretty high. It might be a little strange on the outside, or after some time if won't even matter. It all depends on how you handle it.


Now you're already dating your significant other, so a lot of this doesn't directly apply, but some of it does. Proceed with caution, but it can DEFINATELY work, I have many classmates with the same last names that can attest to that.

Good luck, I hope this was more helpful than a creepy stream of advice from a former Dark Sider.




I can vouch for the fact that dating classmates' sisters is not a bad idea.
 
Prior Communication

One thing I think is important to mention- talk about it with your boy/girlfriend BEFORE one or both of you get to that point. Both my girlfriend and I are going for class o' 2012. We've decided that we'd both love to keep it going and will try to do so, but that we are both also free to do some dating on the side if so desired.

I guess the most important thing will be patience and understanding. Don't ask too much from them and in the long run it might just turn out better than you ever immagined. A relationship that can stand up to the hell and high waters that come during four years at an academy is about all you can ask for (at least in my book).

~k.
 
If your in the same class it's fine. It's when you date upper classment that the trouble starts. trust me I know... For one Most of the Academies have a policy called fratanization. It's when underclassment date upperclassment. They want everything to stay professional. Upperclassment are suppost to be friend with underclassment. and yes cadets do frat. I know a few who do but you just have to be carful even off campus, you never know when you might run into somone who does care about the rules and turn you both in. If you tell people who you know and trust that they don't care tell them but make sure you don't tell the wrong people cause then your in pretty big trouble. and it will be both of you who get in trouble not just one.
 
ramius/hornetguy

hey ramius or hornet guy- if either of you two are still on this thread... i'm wondering if the USAFA has any rules about upperclass cadets dating eachother like the previous poster was talking about?
 
The previous poster (maritimegirl) was talking about underclassmen dating upperclassmen, which USAFA does have a policy against. If I'm not mistaken you can't be involved with someone in your direct chain of command in the post-USAFA Air Force, so the policy mirrors the AF in a way.

[anyone feel free to correct me if I'm wrong]
 
oh yeah...

aw crap i misread that. thx! :rolleyes:

btw... what is the discriminant between upper and lower class?

would it be admissible for, say, a sophomore to date a junior?
 
yes. Upperclassmen are the upper three classes. underclassmen are freshmen.
 
As it worked at CGA,


Freshmen could only date freshmen.


Sophmores could date sophmores or juniors.

Juniors could date sophmores, juniors, or seniors.

Seniors could date juniors or seniors.


With the exception of the freshman class, cadets could date adjacent classes.


As is true with other service academies, you cannot date in your chain of command.
 
Last edited:
Same as LITS here, except upperclassmen can date within all three classes. Not unusual for 3 digs to date firsties.
 
for the sake of ramius's sanity this post has been deleted :)
 
Last edited:
You'd be surprised at how jokes can turn frighteningly real...at USAFA.
 
Having been officially accepted to the AFA, I now have a need to resurrect this thread on a much more serious note.

First, some background information. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 10 months. We are both officially accepted into the class of 2012 that will enter this year. We would both like to keep dating past I-day.

Before I jump into my questions, I’d like to clear something up right away: we both realize that the relationship comes in a distant second place finish to the Academy. Academics, training, etc, etc come first. Always. We’re willing to make sure of it.


So, with the little time that we will have aside from the Academy:

1) Is it at all necessary to keep the relationship a secret? Previous posts in this thread have clarified that while it is technically allowable for a freshman to date a freshman, will the upperclassmen do anything to get in the way of it if they find out?

2) Will it in any way be detrimental to the success or health of the two elements the two people in the relationship are assigned to?

3) If the answer to Q #1 is yes, will it be necessary to delete pictures off of your camera or cell phone in order to keep things a secret? (Rephrase: do they go through your camera and cell phone?)

4) How about the myspace account? To keep the dirt away from the Cadre, is it enough to set it to private and get rid of the front page picture… or have the computer sci. majors found a way around that?
(which is technically not even legal but I suppose it’s better to ask than be sorry lol…)

5) Her dad suggested that if she is really down over something, that she shouldn’t come to me for help (I think because he’s under the impression the relationship has to be secret). I think that’s a bunch of bologna, mainly because I can’t see how coming to me would be any different than taking the issue to any other cadet. Anybody have thoughts on that?


Thanks to all in advance!
 
1) Is it at all necessary to keep the relationship a secret? Previous posts in this thread have clarified that while it is technically allowable for a freshman to date a freshman, will the upperclassmen do anything to get in the way of it if they find out?

No, no reason to.

2) Will it in any way be detrimental to the success or health of the two elements the two people in the relationship are assigned to?

Not unless it goes south and the two involve had a bad breakup.

3) If the answer to Q #1 is yes, will it be necessary to delete pictures off of your camera or cell phone in order to keep things a secret? (Rephrase: do they go through your camera and cell phone?)

Don't want to know what kind of pictures need to be deleted, but no, if it's not prohibited, shouldn't be a problem at all.

4) How about the myspace account? To keep the dirt away from the Cadre, is it enough to set it to private and get rid of the front page picture… or have the computer sci. majors found a way around that?
(which is technically not even legal but I suppose it’s better to ask than be sorry lol…)

Don't put any kind of incriminating stuff on the internet. I thought the USAF restricted MySpace...maybe that doesn't extend to the academy.

5) Her dad suggested that if she is really down over something, that she shouldn’t come to me for help (I think because he’s under the impression the relationship has to be secret). I think that’s a bunch of bologna, mainly because I can’t see how coming to me would be any different than taking the issue to any other cadet. Anybody have thoughts on that?

If you really care for someone, you should be there to support each other. At my school relationships were prohibited during the first summer; don't break up, but don't make goofy eyes at each other should you find yourself on the other side of the table.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top