Essay Prompt

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BenScord

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I am applying for the summer seminar program and was wondering if you could provide constructive criticism. I don't know if it is too outside of the lines of the prompt or too cliche, but let me know what you all think.

2. What makes you a unique candidate for the summer seminar program? (1500 characters max)

I will not say that the Air Force Academy has been in my cross-air my entire life, with its existence only becoming present during my freshman year of high school. While I could state that my uniqueness as a candidate resides in my past leadership positions and fascination with the aviation world, it doesn’t.

Yes, I am the Student Council Treasurer, the President of Clubs, and the captain of the baseball team, etc... I do have a UAS license and build, sell, and race drones, which is unique; however, that is hardly applicable when attending a camp for a mere three days. I have yet to be given the luxury to meet anybody who has participated in the academy or seen it in person, clouding my vision of whether it is a viable option.

My true uniqueness lies in my desire and curiosity to explore the opportunities that the academy could offer me. The Summer Seminar program allows me firsthand insight into the academy's values and culture, and rather than approaching this as a checkless item or box to be ticked off, I see it as a crucial step in exploring potential career paths.
 
You're not really presenting yourself in a positive way or selling yourself. The most interesting part was when you spoke about building drones (but then you downplay that as unimportant?) You don't seem very interested in USAFA.
 
from reading that, it comes off kinda pretentious, like "oh I've done all this stuff.... and don't think the academy would totally fit what I want."

you mentioned it at the beginning of your post, but I would agree that it veers off of the focus of the prompt. Maybe you should watch some videos or do some more readings to find out what they will present on the program, and connect that to something in your life that you would positively learn from.

Also, if your uniqueness doesn't come from leadership and passions, where does it come from? Illogical sentence from my point of view, anyways
BenScord said:
While I could state that my uniqueness as a candidate resides in my past leadership positions and fascination with the aviation world, it doesn’t.
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You have used around 1000 of your 1500 characters- you can add more on what makes you unique. If the application already allows you to list your leadership and sports activities and they are not part of what you consider as unique, then remove them from the essay. You devoted over 300 characters to what "doesn't" make you unique.

What draws you to the Academy? What are you interested in about the Academy? What can you bring to the Academy to make it a better place? Why should they give you a slot in the seminar?

If you have not met anyone from the Academy- perhaps expand on what you hope to gain from the summer seminar visit.
You mention the Academy's values and culture- what do you think they are and how do they align with your values.
If you are exploring potential career paths, what are they? Do they align with Academy majors and potential Air Force/Space Force roles.

Lose the I'm special- not special paragraph (paragraph 2) and focus on/ expand on what is meaningful to you in the 3rd paragraph.

Also double check spelling/words are correct: checklist vs checkless; cross-air vs. crosshair, etc,
 
You have received some excellent feedback above.

The strategy of “not saying” or “could state” but then saying something as a strategy does not work. It is confusing and disingenuous, because you are saying those things.

Watch out for hyperbole - “my entire life” - the reader may have visions of you as a toddler thinking about career aspirations.

Second paragraph comes off as “I’m all that” - if you have provided that info elsewhere, there is no need to repeat.

What does your vision being clouded because you haven’t met anyone from the academy or visited have to do with the prompt? ATFQ - answer the full question. Your response should address the prompt in an organized, coherent, articulate way. Test each sentence for ATFQ.

You note your uniqueness comes from your “desire and curiosity to explore the opportunities” - do you really think no other applicant has that same motivation? And then mention box-checking, which implies you think others are doing that.

Clearly, you are thinking about this. Think about how you would answer the question 1:1 with a family member or teacher you respected. What resonates with you about attending the summer program and possibly a service academy leading to service as a commissioned officer? Is there something you have observed, noticed, are intrigued by, triggered by something in your own life, that has drawn you to this path? Relate a story only you can tell or illuminate your response with things unique to you that tie in with the stated aims of the summer program.
 
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navyman73 said:
That's not true. Take it easy Northernlights. G
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Stealth_81 said:
So, as a parent, how did you form this conclusion?
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As a parent, I formed the conclusion that my cadet was responsible for his own destiny and future. I was not the one applying to the service academies....he was. He needed to get accepted on his own merit and write the essays himself which he did. Being independent, he did not want help from others. Much self-pride was felt when he was accepted into multiple academies. I feel as a parent, that having someone else write these essays is a form of cheating. So, as a parent, what is your conclusion? Be honorable or be a cheat.
 
Did OP ask someone to write their essays? I agree that would be unethical. Asking for feedback and constructive criticism is a healthy process, and approaching the task from a learning perspective is a prudent approach for someone uncertain of the right approach.
 
OP, don’t hesitate to come back and ask questions. You are just starting your journey, and only USAFA can tell you if you belong there or not. Take ownership of the process and do the legwork yourself as much as you can, but asking for instruction and criticism is a good way to learn.
 
Accountability. Give them a trophy while you are at it.

Admin, I respectfully ask to be removed from this forum due to harassment.
 
northernlights said:
Accountability. Give them a trophy while you are at it.

Admin, I respectfully ask to be removed from this forum due to harassment.
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As a new appointee of USAFA. I do believe we all just want kindness towards each other. I am not sure why you are acting like a victim. People were just commenting that your response was a little harsh. I think sometimes we can all say something a little too fast and our meaning comes off differently than we were expecting. I truly wish you the best. We are all on the same team.
 
I feel like the ghost of a previous forum member has resurfaced… regardless, disagreeing with your point of view seems much less harsh than telling a kid that USAFA isn’t for them because they asked a question 🤷‍♂️
 
NLS3 said:
As a new appointee of USAFA. I do believe we all just want kindness towards each other. I am not sure why you are acting like a victim. People were just commenting that your response was a little harsh. I think sometimes we can all say something a little too fast and our meaning comes off differently than we were expecting. I truly wish you the best. We are all on the same team.
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Congratulations on your USAFA Appointment. You have not seen the private harassing comments, and I am respectfully asking to be removed from this forum.
 
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