Exhausted Doolie Parent

[bopper]

Thank you very much. How beautiful that is!! We know that, she knows that, i think it’s just the prospect of the “fun school time” that kind of stir her thoughts. USNA was always her #1 choice, as a matter of fact, prior appointment, we used to tell her to apply to as many schools and scholarships and she didn’t, her time was spent in USNA application entirely and just another 2 favorites and 1 in State school at our request because “just in case”. It’s just annoying to see her cry over a decision that’s a no-brainier for everyone

1) Does she want to be an officer in the military? That is the question more than her #1 school.
2) When she thinks of "fun school" time make sure she is talking to engineering students who generally don't have as much "fun school time" as other majors.

 

[justdoit19]

The “unknown” is scary. And there is SO
MUCH unknown about moving on to the next phase. And even MORE unknown surrounding a service academy. Have her think about her “why”. Why did she apply? Maybe jot down some thoughts about it.

Something to keep in mind…other schools social media have ‘unhappy’ posts. People complain. I’ve seen it at my other sons regular college. There are certainly trade offs. As with all things. But people tend to ‘complain’ more than celebrate as it’s the cool thing to do.

Without a DOUBT….she will make her ‘bestest’ friends ever at a SA, bc that’s part of the experience…learning to lean on your mates, in ways that doesn’t happen at regular college. But that is hard to imagine at this point!

Lastly, she can walk away up to the beginning of her 2/C year. What’s she got to loose?? I have two there. One almost did leave (circumstances surrounding early Covid…), but he stuck it out. And learned so much about his resiliency. And is now excelling and living his best life. Couldn’t imagine himself anywhere else. But he had to give it all a chance. Give himself a chance.

Part of all of this is probably normal nerves. I always said ‘you can quit/leave, but not today’. Bc tomorrow, after a good nights sleep, is always brighter. So my mom advice would be to listen. Ask her if she wants to vent, or if she wants your advice. Encourage her to stop listening to other people. Drop the social media sites (bc those are there for “likes”, and the more startling the post? The more likes). Give it all a rest. And forge forward.

This is truly the most scary, and rewarding, all at the same time, roller coaster she and you will ever ride!! Hang on!!

 

[raimius]

USAFA is a place of high highs and low lows.
Over one summer I got to go fly in a C-17 doing low-levels down the Alaska coast and ride in a F-15 doing practice dog fights. I also got to go to Spain, teach basic training, talk with the Berlin Airlift "candy bomber" and aviation legend Bud Day.

...there was also a day where I finished my homework at 6:50AM, and evenings where I was so exhausted after mandatory workouts that I just laid on my dorm room floor for 20 min trying to regain enough energy to go get dinner, and a few nights I lost sleep wondering if I could actually graduate.

 

[Goal2004]

1) Does she want to be an officer in the military? That is the question more than her #1 school.
2) When she thinks of "fun school" time make sure she is talking to engineering students who generally don't have as much "fun school time" as other majors.

Thank you, yes she’s been set into the military life idea for a while, even more now that her brother is happy serving in the Army

 

[badboy69]

I am exhausted by the stress and crying and "I hate it here, I want to come home, I am not doing well." I listen, and I hear some shining moments, but honestly, I am getting 95% negativity. It is affecting my mental health too. The rollercoaster is no joke. My Doolie feels totally unsupported there; I continue to listen and have been getting two phone calls a day full of negativity. I think I have left no stone unturned in trying to figure out what to do from asking if paperwork should be filed to saying stay focused on the shining moments (which get shot down too now) to small talk to make the conversations more positive. My Doolie said everyone in her squad is depressed (C3Cs included) except the leadership. Three Doolies want to file paperwork along with roommate also saying same things about hating it although that roommate is IC so gets to escape when traveling. I know there is no easy answer just like I know this is not easy. I know these feelings are common too. I am happy to keep on keeping up with this, but I need some hope or some thought about how to tackle this that I have not figured out.

Firstie here. This is not uncommon, but if you are not resilient enough to handle the stress of school, you are not gonna be a good officer, honestly. They are going to take it out on those they lead (have seen this first hand) and overall, stress after graduation will be higher.

 

[LT360]

@HOPE0204 ---how did DD finish the year? Is she still going strong? Looking forward to summer training? My DS at USNA is almost done with Plebe year---1 more exam, Sea trials and then Herndon Climb then Plebe no more! 12 more days! He is pumped.

 

[HOPE0204]

@HOPE0204 ---how did DD finish the year? Is she still going strong? Looking forward to summer training? My DS at USNA is almost done with Plebe year---1 more exam, Sea trials and then Herndon Climb then Plebe no more! 12 more days! He is pumped.

Hello @LT360! She finished strong. I CANNOT believe this year if OVER. I am still traumatized and aged at least 10 years, BUT I am much more proud and truly amazed with her and how much she has overcome. Proud and amazed at all of the young adults at all the Academies! Their acheivements are mind blowing. I have a friend who has a DD at USNA, and she mentioned Sea Trials . Herndon Climb looks awesome! Congrats to your DS and being done with the first year in 11 days. AMAZING!! I am so thankful for this forum. You all got me through this off the rails year.

 

[LT360]

Hello @LT360! She finished strong. I CANNOT believe this year if OVER. I am still traumatized and aged at least 10 years, BUT I am much more proud and truly amazed with her and how much she has overcome.

So how did summer training go? Did your DD return for her 3rd class year?

Hopefully this year is better than last year.

 

[HOPE0204]

Hello! Summer training was ok b/c she was DQd from Airmanship but oh well, she's qualified now so getting back on track. She is back as a C3C, and things are better. Looking back at my post - we have come a long way!! Thanks for asking. Hopefully, this post helps someone else who is struggling. Hope your DS is doing well at USNA . I have a friend who's DD is also at USNA, and it is her second year there too.

 

[Falcon74]

I am exhausted by the stress and crying and "I hate it here, I want to come home, I am not doing well." I listen, and I hear some shining moments, but honestly, I am getting 95% negativity. It is affecting my mental health too. The rollercoaster is no joke. My Doolie feels totally unsupported there; I continue to listen and have been getting two phone calls a day full of negativity. I think I have left no stone unturned in trying to figure out what to do from asking if paperwork should be filed to saying stay focused on the shining moments (which get shot down too now) to small talk to make the conversations more positive. My Doolie said everyone in her squad is depressed (C3Cs included) except the leadership. Three Doolies want to file paperwork along with roommate also saying same things about hating it although that roommate is IC so gets to escape when traveling. I know there is no easy answer just like I know this is not easy. I know these feelings are common too. I am happy to keep on keeping up with this, but I need some hope or some thought about how to tackle this that I have not figured out.

Basic training, especially for parents and loved ones may be almost as trying for them as it is for the Basic Cadet. It is probably even more trying if the Basic Cadet comes from a family with little to no military experience so that they have no way to fully understand what to expect and why the process works the way it does.

Let me offer some thoughts. I am a USAFA graduate and a USMA parent. When I served as the President of the West Point Parents' Club of Massachusetts, I used to offer the following guidance to appointees and their parents. Tell your DS/DD to establish SHORT-term goals like, How do I survive until lunch after finishing breakfast? After finishing lunch, How do I survive until the evening meal? Time will pass more quickly if the DD/DS isn't focusing on completing basic training all at once. Take it a small piece at a time.

Many (maybe most) Cadets consider leaving at one point or another. Halfway through basic training, I thought about all that I had already accomplished and that I didn't want that effort to be in vain. Regardless of how I interpreted my performance, I tried to keep looking forward while remembering what I had already accomplished.

The academic year had different challenges, but the pressure wasn't the same as basic training.

Graduates are often asked, "Would you do it again?" Many would actually say, "No!" Afterall, why would somebody want to go through it twice? The real question should have been, "Knowing what you know now and given the same opportunity to join the long blue line when you did, would you have made the same decision?" That answer is usually an overwhelming "Yes!"

Being a USAFA Cadet was my goal through 3+ years of high school. I wasn't going to let basic training stop me from reaching my goal.

I wish you and your DS/DD the best and hope that he/she can remain focused on completing basic training. There is light at the end of the tunnel.