Finding Support at USAFA

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USAFABlueLine

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Our DS is about 2 years in at USAFA and is having a difficult time finding his place socially. While some socializing is built into the squadron system (which has been helpful) when outside of that structure, he hasn't found his "go to" group. Our understanding is that he has many acquaintances, but lacks close friends. Besides doing his own work to remedy this situation (it certainly isn't for lack of effort) we're also encouraging him to consider other connections at USAFA. Other than the various clubs and sports groups, which he has pursued, are there any other points of connection that are recommended? I know that clergy are often recommended as a safe place for discussion and we are already familiar with teal rope program, are there any others? As we know, the academies can be pressure cookers, and we just want to make sure he has someone to talk to in the absence of close friendships.

Other than this challenge, USAFA has been a good fit for him. We have been very hands off and he has successfully navigated USAFA on his own. We are incredibly proud of him. This nuanced situation though is more difficult for him to see from 10,000 feet so as parents, we want to at least understand what support might be available to him.

I'm curious if others have been in a similar situation as cadets or family members of cadets. I also welcome suggestions from the "long timers" on this board that are subject matter experts when it comes to the academies. Any thoughts or guidance would be appreciated. Thank you.
 
I am glad your cadet is doing well.

I am fond of recommending oblique approaches. This is a time when he is figuring out who he is, and is trying out different groups. I have no specific knowledge of any support services for friend-finding, and you’ve mentioned the chaplains as a good, safe place to talk.

In cases like this, doing something entirely different, giving of himself and precious time to a cause or to those far less fortunate, with other like-minded cadets, can open a lot of doors for conversation, sharing, meeting a cross-section of the entire cadet population - and get the focus onto something/someone else that contributes to growth in perspective, maturity, sense of self-worth, etc.


www.usafa.edu

Cadets Support Front Range Volunteer Efforts

During the last 10 years, Academy cadets have spent more than 30,000 hours volunteering and to community service.
www.usafa.edu www.usafa.edu
 
Encourage your DS to develop a mutual relationship with his sponsor family :)
My husband and I have been sponsor parents for the past 10 years. We provide a "home away from home" for cadets to get away from the rigors of the Academy, have some home-cooked meals, & rest/study/watch TV, etc. Just getting off campus & being in a relaxing environment can really help a cadet to "recharge".
We also provide a "sounding board" for cadets to vent frustrations/concerns/struggles (academically or emotionally). We help cadets to brainstorm possible solutions & offer encouragement.
 
USAFAGradMom said:
Encourage your DS to develop a mutual relationship with his sponsor family :)
My husband and I have been sponsor parents for the past 10 years. We provide a "home away from home" for cadets to get away from the rigors of the Academy, have some home-cooked meals, & rest/study/watch TV, etc. Just getting off campus & being in a relaxing environment can really help a cadet to "recharge".
We also provide a "sounding board" for cadets to vent frustrations/concerns/struggles (academically or emotionally). We help cadets to brainstorm possible solutions & offer encouragement.
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This is incredible. Is this only offered by families in the Colorado Springs area?
 
DSJ777 said:
This is incredible. Is this only offered by families in the Colorado Springs area?
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Sponsor families have to live within 'x' miles of USAFA to officially qualify. USNA has the same program and assume USMA does as well. It's a great program though not always a great match between family and cadet. Very common for one cadet to bring his/her 'friends' over to their sponsor and the family grows.
 
DSJ777 said:
This is incredible. Is this only offered by families in the Colorado Springs area?
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Registered sponsor families must live within 50 miles of USAFA
All current C4Cs who requested a sponsor family have now been assigned to a local family (official assignments were completed a few weeks ago)
 
Finding your people is important, it makes the place so much better. 3/C year is when many find their people, some sooner, some later. Also as he gets deeper in his major, you tend to closer with those in your chosen path. You just have a lot more classes together and study groups. 4/C year you are a more limited in your interactions and it takes a bit for the real personalities to emerge after the summer Indoc phase. He should keep trying different things… volunteer activities, ECAs, etc. The other thing is to be proactive… ask others if anyone wants to catch lunch, go on a hike, see a movie. Especially after an event he has a great chance to help forge relationships. I am extreme introvert and a loaner by nature, but I found my people between my team, sponsor brother, and room mates. Like a good introvert, extroverts adopted me. USNA was hard for me because it’s hard to find that introvert recharge time. But, I found it.
 
NavyHoops said:
Finding your people is important, it makes the place so much better. 3/C year is when many find their people, some sooner, some later. Also as he gets deeper in his major, you tend to closer with those in your chosen path. You just have a lot more classes together and study groups. 4/C year you are a more limited in your interactions and it takes a bit for the real personalities to emerge after the summer Indoc phase. He should keep trying different things… volunteer activities, ECAs, etc. The other thing is to be proactive… ask others if anyone wants to catch lunch, go on a hike, see a movie. Especially after an event he has a great chance to help forge relationships. I am extreme introvert and a loaner by nature, but I found my people between my team, sponsor brother, and room mates. Like a good introvert, extroverts adopted me. USNA was hard for me because it’s hard to find that introvert recharge time. But, I found it.
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My son is an introvert.

He would go to the movies or the Double T diner by himself once in awhile to recharge.

Excellent advice. My son developed friends on endurance team, in aerospace major, by going to various church services with other kids to learn their religion, and roommates.

Don’t fret. He will find his group.
 
My son had quite a few friends at USAFA, just a few that were very close, maybe 10. What I have noticed since he graduated, USAFA class of 2014, the close friends from USAFA have dwindled down to just a few. He is still very close to 2 of his Academy roommates but still in touch with some of the others.
My son flies the C-130 and his closest friends are normally the other pilots.
He and his 2 friends/roommates from USAFA, are meeting this weekend in Seattle for a get together.
 
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My DD does not have many close friends, but has a really, really close one. They are now engaged!

DD says it is hard to have friendships at USAFA outside of your activities, because you have so little time. And many friendships fizzle after the Academy.

She also made really good friends with people from other colleges during her internship in DC this past summer. She was super happy and really enjoyed herself. I still can't get over how George Washington Univ dorm rooms have a full kitchen in each room.
 
HCopter said:
My DD does not have many close friends, but has a really, really close one. They are now engaged!

DD says it is hard to have friendships at USAFA outside of your activities, because you have so little time. And many friendships fizzle after the Academy.

She also made really good friends with people from other colleges during her internship in DC this past summer. She was super happy and really enjoyed herself. I still can't get over how George Washington Univ dorm rooms have a full kitchen in each room.
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Congratulations on the engagement!
 
HCopter said:
My DD does not have many close friends, but has a really, really close one. They are now engaged!

DD says it is hard to have friendships at USAFA outside of your activities, because you have so little time. And many friendships fizzle after the Academy.

She also made really good friends with people from other colleges during her internship in DC this past summer. She was super happy and really enjoyed herself. I still can't get over how George Washington Univ dorm rooms have a full kitchen in each room.
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It’s because they don’t have dining halls! Or at least they didn’t… not sure if it’s changed
 
Thank you for your suggestions! The one that resonated the most was the suggestion to look to volunteer groups - where the focus is on the cause and that provides the common experience. We plan to ask our DS about this. Any other suggestions or shared experiences, please post. Thanks again everyone!
 
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