Funny things said in court

BR2011

10-Year Member
Joined
Jun 12, 2006
Messages
398
I just got this in an email, enjoy


> > These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
> > things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
now
> > published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
> > these exchanges were actually taking place.
> >
> > ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> > WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
> > ______________________________ __
> > ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
> > WITNESS: July 18th.
> > ATTORNEY: What year?
> > WITNESS: Every year.
> > ______________________________ _______
> > ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> > WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> > ______________________________ ________
> > ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect
> > your memory at all?
> > WITNESS: Yes.
> > ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your
> > memory?
> > WITNESS: I forget.
> > ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example
> > of something you
> > forgot?
> > ______________________________ _______
> > ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with
> > you?
> > WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't
> > remember which.
> > ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
> > WITNESS: Forty-five years.
> > ______________________________ _______
> > ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
> > morning?
> > WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> > ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> > WITNESS: My name is Susan .
> > ______________________________ ________
> > ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever
> > been involved in
> > voodoo?
> > WITNESS: We both do.
> > ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> > WITNESS: We do.
> > ATTORNEY: You do?
> > WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
> > ______________________________ ________ ****a favorite!!!! ****
> >
> > ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
> > sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> > WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> > ______________________________ ______
> > ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
> > WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
> > ______________________________ __________
> > ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> > WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
> > ______________________________ ________
> > ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby)
> > was August 8th?
> > WITNESS: Yes.
> > ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> > WITNESS: Uh....
> > ______________________________ ________
> > ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> > WITNESS: Yes.
> > ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> > WITNESS: None.
> > ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> > ______________________________ ________
> > ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> > WITNESS: By death.
> > ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it
> > terminated?
> > ______________________________ ________
> > ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> > WITNESS: He was about medium height and had
> > a beard.
> > ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> > ______________________________ ________
> > ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning
> > pursuant to a
> > deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
> > WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to
> > work.
> > ______________________________ ________
> > ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead
> > people?
> > WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead
> > people.
> > ______________________________ ________
> > ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
> > What school did you go
> > to?
> > WITNESS: Oral.
> > ______________________________ ________
> > ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined
> > the body?
> > WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> > ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> > WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table
> > wondering why I was doing
> > an autopsy on him!
> > ______________________________ ______________
> > ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine
> > sample?
> > WITNESS: Huh?
> > ______________________________ ______________
> >
> > And the best for last
> >
> > ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a
> > pulse?
> > WITNESS: No.
> > ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> > WITNESS: No.
> > ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> > WITNESS: No.
> > ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
> > began the autopsy?
> > WITNESS: No.
> > ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> > WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my
> > desk in a jar.
> > ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
> > WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have
> > been alive and
> > practicing law.
> >
 
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