How are you dealing with Indoc anxiety as a 2028 parent?

D

desisoccermom

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Jan 5, 2024
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Today is Day 7 of Indoc for our plebes. How are we all feeling? I will admit it was tough going at first coming back to an empty house and not knowing what DS was going through. But then he called two days ago from the hospital (he was admitted for throwing up twice). We managed to talk for a bit, there was a little bit of crying, but overall he seemed positive, even though he said Indoc was much harder than he expected.
USMMA is doing a stellar job of recording and posting videos and photos of Indoc that keeps a lot of anxiety at bay. It also makes for a lot of "where is Waldo?" moments because it is hard to spot your plebe from the other 300 plebes, all tonsured headed, all wearing the same PT clothes.
 
It's getting a little easier every day, especially now that we've seen her in pictures and video. Agree 100% that USMMA is doing a stellar job and we're grateful for the glimpse into their activities. The Alumni videos are super too - didn't think I could get prouder. I'm glad you got to speak with your son. We're looking forward to the call on Sunday, saying a prayer that we have one of the more positive calls, of course.
 
Academy 'jumping' here so forgive me but DS is currently approaching beginning of week 3 indoc at USCGA. Fair to say that there has been a good helping of separation anxiety in early letters. Now I am sure that there will be a bunch of grads from the class of 1776 who will pipe up with how today's 'helicopter parents' have themselves to blame for their 'snowflakes' because back in my day blah blah blah....,but actually I think it is more a function of the way and speed with which they are used to communicating. Instant messaging means they have not had to wait more than a few milliseconds before response/help/encouragement etc is at hand. That is not there now (at least from sources they are used to) and they have not yet gotten the message of how that role will now be played in large part by their shipmates or snail mail from parents etc....

The longest note I received from DS prior to leaving for the CG was a postit on the counter that said 'back later'. Was convinced we would never get anything like a letter but low and behold when 'needs must' DS's prose would now give Faulkner a run for his money! Amusingly letters are crossing from different dates covering different subjects. I'll admit it has been a very long time since I wrote letters so I am enjoying getting back into the experience. For DS though it is a whole new medium of communication! Like USMMA we are getting a pretty good supply of photos etc via FB groups which makes the whole thing even more surreal....I see DS daily...often not a clue as to how that translates into how he is dealing until I get a letter a week or so later that may or may not correspond!

A shock to the system - yes. Will they get through it - yes. Will it be pretty or easy - no.
 
If you're really worried about Indoc being so tough. Put this in perspective. About 1/4 to 1/3rd of you current plebe parents will be dealing with consoling a kid who got dismissed for academic failure within the next couple years. My class started out with 285 and finished with 185 and 35 were setbacks meaning we only finished with 150 members of our original class. Kings Point is that tough. In fact its tougher academically than the other 4 service academies. Because of the sea year, these young men and women are being required to complete the courses for a bachelor of science degree within 3 years and throw in preparation for their marine license exams to boot.
 
KPEngnr90

How about we let the parents enjoy the current victory. Understand that that they are not taking the long view yet and that they are grateful their kid has made it so far. No need to add more stress. Yes, I understand you are realist and you are very good at making that postion known, but perhaps you can extend some grace and throw some support their way(s) for once.

Written from the perspective of a service academy grad, a parent of a KP '24 grad, USAFA '26, & a current PC at KP.
 
Update: DS was admitted again to the hospital, twice because his legs gave out. It is physical exhaustion, mental breakdown, dehydration, and home sickness all mixed together. He has expressed thoughts of leaving the academy at the end of Indoc. We have told him to stay the course and see how it goes once he enrolls and starts the trimester. We are hoping and praying he doesn't make a rash decision before talking it through with us.
 
Class of 2027 parent here - encourage your son to stick it out. There will be lots of ups and downs, especially the first year. We tend to be the dumping ground for all their emotions, and that's fine. Listen, be supportive and try to give simple advice. If your son is an athlete, he will be much happier when he gets to start practicing with his team. Great advice I heard from another academy grad - don't make long term decisions based on short term feelings. Hang in there - you will get through it!
 
desisoccermom said:
Update: DS was admitted again to the hospital, twice because his legs gave out. It is physical exhaustion, mental breakdown, dehydration, and home sickness all mixed together. He has expressed thoughts of leaving the academy at the end of Indoc. We have told him to stay the course and see how it goes once he enrolls and starts the trimester. We are hoping and praying he doesn't make a rash decision before talking it through with us.
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Well I hope your DS sticks it out. Indoc is by its very nature, not meant to be easy. See if your DS can find a buddy from his home state. Sometimes sharing some home experiences can help. You might find some help in one of the Parent’s Associations. One that is good is at Southern States. Scroll down to the section that applies to when Indoc is actually going on.
 
desisoccermom said:
Update: DS was admitted again to the hospital, twice because his legs gave out. It is physical exhaustion, mental breakdown, dehydration, and home sickness all mixed together. He has expressed thoughts of leaving the academy at the end of Indoc. We have told him to stay the course and see how it goes once he enrolls and starts the trimester. We are hoping and praying he doesn't make a rash decision before talking it through with us.
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HOLD FAST!! Its worth it.
 
KPEngnr90 said:
HOLD FAST!! It’s worth it.
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Immediate image of all the Hold Fast tattoos I have seen on fingers of seagoing folks over the years. It’s even on the old deckhand in HMS SURPRISE in the movie “Master and Commander.” So apt.
 
Capt MJ said:
Immediate image of all the Hold Fast tattoos I have seen on fingers of seagoing folks over the years. It’s even on the old deckhand in HMS SURPRISE in the movie “Master and Commander.” So apt.
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Yup! Sailed with some salty dogs with those tattoos on their fingers.
 
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