I got the dreaded letter class of 26

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somuchbetterthanme

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Feb 10, 2022
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101
Hi

Asking for help. I received the dreaded letter from my cadet saying that he is very close to quitting.
I gave him all the positives, stick with it etc. and I can only pray that he is feeling better each day. I know it is a moment in time but it still is hard nonetheless. He said he is speaking to everyone he can , has spoken with the chaplain and is going to church. Of course, there was no phone call yesterday. I'm considering cancelling my VRBO for parents weekend as I don't want to lose the money.
 
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Back in the day if someone wanted to quit during BCT, they were gone that night. It’s my understanding that nowadays quite a process exists to help the cadet think through the process. It’s a structured process and unless it is determined they are a threat to themselves or others takes some time.

Ultimately your cadet will make a decision that they will live with.

BCT is extremely important for many reasons, but it’s a short time in a cadet’s life. Some people excel in BCT because of the physical nature of it but might struggle in the academic area

Pretty much everyone considers quitting at some point, so don’t get too distressed just that they brought it up.

In the big picture, it isn’t for everyone and leaving doesn’t mean failure. It just means it wasn’t for them

When I counseled people that expressed a desire to leave, I said the first thing you need to do is look closely the mirror and realize that haircut is going to look really bad in civilian life. At least stay long enough that It can grow out a little.

If they do leave- they are still the very bright, athletic, high achiever that was appointed. They will be fine in any new path they pursue
 
Can't speak for USAFA but I will share with you the principle that I share with any prospective candidates to USMA and that I shared with my son last summer - do not quit during Beast (CBT or whatever it is called at USAFA) because it is nothing like what being a cadet at West Point or in the Army will be like. The experience of the first summer is unlike any other experience you will have. Give yourself time to experience what the academic year is like and the more "normal" experience of the academy is like before making a concrete decision.

I know this is tough for you as the parent. Our son had a rough go the first couple of weeks of Beast last summer, partly due to some mistakes he made. But the summer got better the further along he went. He has now completed his second summer and he is excelling. He just had to gut it out over the first couple hurdles. Encourage your son to hang in there and give it more time. One week or so in is too soon to make such a monumental decision for himself. He made it this far. He can continue to make it farther.
 
somuchbetterthanme said:
Hi

Asking for help. I received the dreaded letter from my cadet saying that he is very close to quitting.
I gave him all the positives, stick with it etc. and I can only pray that he is feeling better each day. I know it is a moment in time but it still is hard nonetheless. He said he is speaking to everyone he can , has spoken with the chaplain and is going to church. Of course, there was no phone call yesterday. I'm considering cancelling my VRBO for parents weekend as I don't want to lose the money.
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It’s a roller coaster ride for all involved. I am glad to hear your cadet has reached out to people that can help them. I read somewhere phone calls weren’t going out until Doolie Day out which I believe is July 9th. Last summer, I was expecting a call on July 2nd (per the parent calendar). It never came. It was very tough for me. We did get one the following weekend though. I have wondered if it was USAFA making the parents aware we must be flexible like our cadets are. I learned a lot last summer.

We also learned to never make reservations with Airbnb, vrbo, airline, or hotel unless they are refundable. We have had to adjust many plane tickets in the last year.

I hope your cadet hangs in there. When you do speak to your cadet, let them vent but remind them how hard they worked for their appointment and how proud you are.
 
somuchbetterthanme said:
Hi

Asking for help. I received the dreaded letter from my cadet saying that he is very close to quitting.
I gave him all the positives, stick with it etc. and I can only pray that he is feeling better each day. I know it is a moment in time but it still is hard nonetheless. He said he is speaking to everyone he can , has spoken with the chaplain and is going to church. Of course, there was no phone call yesterday. I'm considering cancelling my VRBO for parents weekend as I don't want to lose the money.
Click to expand...
Don't do anything rash at this point. A letter is a form of venting. By the time it got to you, your DS may be doing great now. Maybe not, but this process has a specific design and purpose. I have been through similar on three occasions in my life and I tried to help get my son's mind right for BCT. The biggest encouragement he can get is to remember his why. Why did he want to go to USAFA? If it was for the prestige or uniqueness of the experience, he needs to focus bigger. If he wants to be a military officer from one of the best learning laboratories available, then he is in the right spot.
I was joking with my DS that no matter how hard it gets to just remember, they can't kill you. This may sound kind of crazy, but at the end of the day, he will get a meal and a place to lay his head for a few hours of sleep. After BCT, life will still be a challenge, but nothing like the full intensity of BCT with 24 hr focus on transitioning your civilian son into a fine young Air Force Cadet.
Best of luck and keep the positive vibes flowing his way.
 
USMAZoo98 said:
Can't speak for USAFA but I will share with you the principle that I share with any prospective candidates to USMA and that I shared with my son last summer - do not quit during Beast (CBT or whatever it is called at USAFA) because it is nothing like what being a cadet at West Point or in the Army will be like. The experience of the first summer is unlike any other experience you will have. Give yourself time to experience what the academic year is like and the more "normal" experience of the academy is like before making a concrete decision.

I know this is tough for you as the parent. Our son had a rough go the first couple of weeks of Beast last summer, partly due to some mistakes he made. But the summer got better the further along he went. He has now completed his second summer and he is excelling. He just had to gut it out over the first couple hurdles. Encourage your son to hang in there and give it more time. One week or so in is too soon to make such a monumental decision for himself. He made it this far. He can continue to make it farther.
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I can't thank you enough for your insight. We did tell him to tough it out until he gets to the academics as that is is stronger suit.
 
LTBob87 said:
Don't do anything rash at this point. A letter is a form of venting. By the time it got to you, your DS may be doing great now. Maybe not, but this process has a specific design and purpose. I have been through similar on three occasions in my life and I tried to help get my son's mind right for BCT. The biggest encouragement he can get is to remember his why. Why did he want to go to USAFA? If it was for the prestige or uniqueness of the experience, he needs to focus bigger. If he wants to be a military officer from one of the best learning laboratories available, then he is in the right spot.
I was joking with my DS that no matter how hard it gets to just remember, they can't kill you. This may sound kind of crazy, but at the end of the day, he will get a meal and a place to lay his head for a few hours of sleep. After BCT, life will still be a challenge, but nothing like the full intensity of BCT with 24 hr focus on transitioning your civilian son into a fine young Air Force Cadet.
Best of luck and keep the positive vibes flowing his way.
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Thank You . I will be sure to relay some of your advice. I appreciate your input more than you know.
 
Cerberi said:
Back in the day if someone wanted to quit during BCT, they were gone that night. It’s my understanding that nowadays quite a process exists to help the cadet think through the process. It’s a structured process and unless it is determined they are a threat to themselves or others takes some time.

Ultimately your cadet will make a decision that they will live with.

BCT is extremely important for many reasons, but it’s a short time in a cadet’s life. Some people excel in BCT because of the physical nature of it but might struggle in the academic area

Pretty much everyone considers quitting at some point, so don’t get too distressed just that they brought it up.

In the big picture, it isn’t for everyone and leaving doesn’t mean failure. It just means it wasn’t for them

When I counseled people that expressed a desire to leave, I said the first thing you need to do is look closely the mirror and realize that haircut is going to look really bad in civilian life. At least stay long enough that It can grow out a little.

If they do leave- they are still the very bright, athletic, high achiever that was appointed. They will be fine in any new path they pursue
Click to expand...
Thank you so much. It is a short time in their life but I did read its like taking a drink from a fire hose. I'm sure he is feeling that. My prayer is that each day he gets stronger and the shock gets less.
 
Doolie Day Out is coming up this weekend & he'll have an entire day to relax, call home, eat home-cooked meals and nap. As a sponsor mom hosting basic cadets for DDO for the past 9 years, they ALL have left our home at the end of that day feeling more rested, recharged and ready to head out to Jack's Valley (which is much more fun than BCT 1!)
 
Write a short letter every day and send it. Include all positive thoughts and encouragement. Make silly small jokes, and maybe include funny memes. Reinforce the positive reasoning for wanting to be there in the first place, without dwelling on the negative “issues of the day” that the Cadet may be experiencing.
Remember there is a delay if/when you receive their letters home. The whole bad feelings and sorrow may have already been extinguished by a huge achievement they just made.
They need strength and support from home , and it sounds like he’s getting all the same support there as well. That is a great thing!
Don’t be too quick to cancel your reservations, have confidence in your Cadet.

The struggle is real….
 
somuchbetterthanme said:
Hi

Asking for help. I received the dreaded letter from my cadet saying that he is very close to quitting.
I gave him all the positives, stick with it etc. and I can only pray that he is feeling better each day. I know it is a moment in time but it still is hard nonetheless. He said he is speaking to everyone he can , has spoken with the chaplain and is going to church. Of course, there was no phone call yesterday. I'm considering cancelling my VRBO for parents weekend as I don't want to lose the money.
Click to expand...
We went through similar last summer. DS actually started the process. His sponsor gave him good advise. "You can leave at any time, but leave on your own terms. Quitting is on their terms"
 
USAFAGradMom said:
Doolie Day Out is coming up this weekend & he'll have an entire day to relax, call home, eat home-cooked meals and nap. As a sponsor mom hosting basic cadets for DDO for the past 9 years, they ALL have left our home at the end of that day feeling more rested, recharged and ready to head out to Jack's Valley (which is much more fun than BCT 1!)
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I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving these cadets some love when we can’t . It means the world to me and that is my saving grace right now.
 
Some of my son's best friends are the cadre from BCT from last summer. It is a huge game and it isn't personal.
 
Rule #1: Never make a life altering decision while under extreme stress.

Quitting during summer training is rarely the correct choice and is only advisable for those who might be a danger to themselves or others. Otherwise, it is advisable to at least finish summer training, better to finish 1st semester, best to finish 1st year.

Personal experience 1: DS writes from USMA Beast after first week that everything is great, he made the right choice. Following week letter arrives that things have taken a turn for the worse. He will finish summer training, then quit. At end of summer training he decides to stay for first semester and start transfer applications over Thanksgiving break. Thanksgiving comes along and he has decided to leave after first year - Christmas break will be a great time to research transfer schools. Home for Christmas break and leaving is no longer a consideration. He is now an O-2.

Personal experience 2: Received frantic call from friend that his DS is quitting USNA after less than a week and they are about to start out-processing. Cadre gives him a cell phone and 10 minutes to talk to me. I go through all the logical reasons for him to stick it out for at least the summer, but he is adamant about quitting right away. So I pull my Ace in the Hole and tell him: "I know your a tough kid, but if you quit now everyone else will think you're a p**sy who couldn't hack it." I call his Dad and tell him I tried, but I don't think I got through to him. Next day Dad calls and thanks me for convincing his DS into finishing summer. He is now an O-2.

Every kid has a reason for choosing a service academy and that reason frequently seems to vanish under the stress of summer training. However, it usually magically reappears once the stress is removed.
 
As my husband told me once -- "I quit every night but was ready to go again in the morning."

USAFA does have a procedures in place. One of those is a call home to speak with parents before they sign any paperwork. So you will be able to speak with him about it.

A couple of years back, they wouldn't allow anyone to quit during BCT, but I think they discovered that it really didn't prevent anyone from quitting afterward. So now they go through some counseling (ie: speaking with cadet staff, officers, and calling home). They don't want anyone to quit because they are homesick or had a bad couple of days. If the Basic Cadet sincerely believes they are on the wrong path, they won't be stopped.

Hopefully the 4th of July reprieve has help a little. Once they start BCT 2, the focus changes and they go from learning they have weaknesses to learning they have strengths mostly deriving from the team. Team building is the focus. Plus, BCT 2 is way more fun (if that is the correct term) than BCT 1. They get to find out they have more in them than they could possibly have imagined.
 
If you are not already a member of the 2026 parents facebook group, I highly recommend it. From the main group, there are also groups by squadron. You can get to know some of the other parents of basic cadets your son is interacting with. It really helps to share the ups and downs, knowing that their children are in the same place.
 
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somuchbetterthanme said:
Hi

Asking for help. I received the dreaded letter from my cadet saying that he is very close to quitting.
I gave him all the positives, stick with it etc. and I can only pray that he is feeling better each day. I know it is a moment in time but it still is hard nonetheless. He said he is speaking to everyone he can , has spoken with the chaplain and is going to church. Of course, there was no phone call yesterday. I'm considering cancelling my VRBO for parents weekend as I don't want to lose the money.
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You mentioned your cadet was speaking with the Chaplain and attending church, so I offer you the same advice once given to me during a tough time:

God did not put them there on accident. He does not put you through more than you can handle. He has already seen your cadet through BCT and all the way through the next four years and commissioning. Being appointed a cadet at USAFA took an insurmountable number of hurdles during which, at any time, could have caused your cadet to be denied, etc. They weren't - they were selected. Challenge your cadet to sit and make a list of all the hurdles God knocked down in order for them to be there, and to remember, as I said before, that at any time, if this was not God's plan for them, they would not have been appointed. Each time they want to quit, think it's too difficult, they made the wrong choice - take that list and look at it and remember it is not by chance that they are there. With God, there are no coincidences.
 
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