I got the dreaded letter class of 26

In all fairness, this is only my second time posting. However, this struck something in me having seen my son go through the very same thing. First, let me say that I know how difficult this must be for you and your family. My son, was is the same spot and was dealing with similar struggles. During BCT, I received a random phone call from a number I did not recognize. It was my son saying he borrowed a phone. He was calling to check on the California Wildfires and if we were impacted. I found this strange considering we live in Silicon Valley and are no where near fire danger. I can hear in his voice he was distraught. My heart sank, and I felt helpless. I continued giving words of encouragement and urged him to break down these moments he wanted to quit into days, hours or minutes.

To this day, I am not sure if my son could pinpoint what prevented him from quitting, but he didn’t. He completed BCT, then immediately went onto academic probation his first semester. Again, he felt like he didn’t belong and wanted to quit. Through his counselor, they determined he was sleeping enough and had him go to be by 11pm whether or not he completed his home work or not. He got most academically improved his second semester.

I can say, through his four years, he continued participation in “OCM” (I think “Officer Christian Ministry) which he attributes to his helping him get through the hard times.

My son, graduated this year (class 2022). He received his dream job as a pilot. His two best friends (first roommates) were his best men at his wedding this past week.

What I can say for sure, is he doesn’t regret a single struggle and his still excited for this next phase!

God Bless and good luck to your son
 
FatherFalcon said:
In all fairness, this is only my second time posting. However, this struck something in me having seen my son go through the very same thing. First, let me say that I know how difficult this must be for you and your family. My son, was is the same spot and was dealing with similar struggles. During BCT, I received a random phone call from a number I did not recognize. It was my son saying he borrowed a phone. He was calling to check on the California Wildfires and if we were impacted. I found this strange considering we live in Silicon Valley and are no where near fire danger. I can hear in his voice he was distraught. My heart sank, and I felt helpless. I continued giving words of encouragement and urged him to break down these moments he wanted to quit into days, hours or minutes.

To this day, I am not sure if my son could pinpoint what prevented him from quitting, but he didn’t. He completed BCT, then immediately went onto academic probation his first semester. Again, he felt like he didn’t belong and wanted to quit. Through his counselor, they determined he was sleeping enough and had him go to be by 11pm whether or not he completed his home work or not. He got most academically improved his second semester.

I can say, through his four years, he continued participation in “OCM” (I think “Officer Christian Ministry) which he attributes to his helping him get through the hard times.

My son, graduated this year (class 2022). He received his dream job as a pilot. His two best friends (first roommates) were his best men at his wedding this past week.

What I can say for sure, is he doesn’t regret a single struggle and his still excited for this next phase!

God Bless and good luck to your son
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The SAs are pretty darn good at knowing who they think can make it through, and a large part of it is “grit factor.” They don’t want him to fail now he’s there.

What a great story - he will be an effective leader because of his own struggles. He will know to look for reasons for failure, to look ok for solutions for a struggling individual.
 
Anonymous121 said:
You mentioned your cadet was speaking with the Chaplain and attending church, so I offer you the same advice once given to me during a tough time:

God did not put them there on accident. He does not put you through more than you can handle. He has already seen your cadet through BCT and all the way through the next four years and commissioning. Being appointed a cadet at USAFA took an insurmountable number of hurdles during which, at any time, could have caused your cadet to be denied, etc. They weren't - they were selected. Challenge your cadet to sit and make a list of all the hurdles God knocked down in order for them to be there, and to remember, as I said before, that at any time, if this was not God's plan for them, they would not have been appointed. Each time they want to quit, think it's too difficult, they made the wrong choice - take that list and look at it and remember it is not by chance that they are there. With God, there are no coincidences.
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Thank you . I love this and I agree wholeheartedly . I will definitely remind him of this .
 
Capt MJ said:
The SAs are pretty darn good at knowing who they think can make it through, and a large part of it is “grit factor.” They don’t want him to fail now he’s there.

What a great story - he will be an effective leader because of his own struggles. He will know to look for reasons for failure, to look ok for solutions for a struggling individual.
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@Father Falcon : Thank you for sharing your story . It really helps and I will relay some of this to my son.
I’m happy for you and your son…I hope I’m in your position someday .
 
When I counseled people that expressed a desire to leave, I said the first thing you need to do is look closely the mirror and realize that haircut is going to look really bad in civilian life. At least stay long enough that It can grow out a little.


[/QUOTE]
LOVE IT!!
 
I can also speak from experience as the mom of a C3C (which feels really great to say!) to hang in there which is easier said then done. We went through a lot of doubt, a lot of tears, a lot of I hate it here from my DD. She is still there, and made it through the year including BCT to Recognition, and now almost through this summer. As others have said, keep sending encouraging letters, and things do change daily for them....so many ups and downs for them as us as parents. Listening to the venting is very difficult, but that is your job to listen and encourage. I told many of my friends that this journey is not for the faint at heart.
 
somuchbetterthanme said:
Hi

Asking for help. I received the dreaded letter from my cadet saying that he is very close to quitting.
I gave him all the positives, stick with it etc. and I can only pray that he is feeling better each day. I know it is a moment in time but it still is hard nonetheless. He said he is speaking to everyone he can , has spoken with the chaplain and is going to church. Of course, there was no phone call yesterday. I'm considering cancelling my VRBO for parents weekend as I don't want to lose the
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somuchbetterthanme said:
Before BCT, we got 2 phone calls my kiddo was quitting. During BCT, we got no less than 3. It is a gut-wrenching, emotional roller-coaster. On one committee, we lost 3 members whose kids decided USAFA wasn't for them. There is SO MUCH pressure on these kids. They have received certificates, been featured in local newspapers, bragged about from family members and on and on. Just a tremendous amount of pressure. BUT, and this is what I told my mine. If this isn't for you, that's okay. This is no different than a kid changing their major while in college or even leaving college because it's not for them. It's no different than an enlisted person only doing their 4 years and getting out. It is not for everyone. To expect a 17 or 18 year kiddo, no matter how mature, smart, insert adjective here - to not change their mind is not realistic. I will end with this, They don't let them impulsively quit. Be supportive no matter the decision. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to reach out to another parent. Even if it's just to vent. My kid changed their mind so many times I got whiplash. I stopped talking about it with other parents because if their kid is doolie of the year, they just don't get it. All the happy, oh my kid is thriving posts on Facebook get to be a source of irritation rather than support (at least in my experience). Everyone reacts to this environment differently and it is an EXTREME shock to the system. Just know you are not alone and there are others hanging on to the oh **** bar for dear life waiting to see what their kid is going to do. PM me if u need to.
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Serenity2517 said:
If you are not already a member of the 2026 parents facebook group, I highly recommend it. From the main group, there are also groups by squadron. You can get to know some of the other parents of basic cadets your son is interacting with. It really helps to share the ups and downs, knowing that their children are in the same place.
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Agree. It is a huge help!
 
somuchbetterthanme said:
Hi

Asking for help. I received the dreaded letter from my cadet saying that he is very close to quitting.
I gave him all the positives, stick with it etc. and I can only pray that he is feeling better each day. I know it is a moment in time but it still is hard nonetheless. He said he is speaking to everyone he can , has spoken with the chaplain and is going to church. Of course, there was no phone call yesterday. I'm considering cancelling my VRBO for parents weekend as I don't want to lose the money.
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@HOPE0204 had similar issue last year that hit after BCT. You can review thread for other advice as well...https://www.serviceacademyforums.com/index.php?threads/exhausted-doolie-parent.82817/
 
Have your Basic meet with their MGO. They are like BCT PEERS. I think there is one on duty per every 2 squadrons (my DD is assigned to 2 squadrons and I assume all flights within). There are Cadets and are yet another great resource for your Basic!

Hey, what? Wahoo! I just hit 5 years on SAF!
 
HCopter said:
Have your Basic meet with their MGO. They are like BCT PEERS. I think there is one on duty per every 2 squadrons (my DD is assigned to 2 squadrons and I assume all flights within). There are Cadets and are yet another great resource for your Basic!

Hey, what? Wahoo! I just hit 5 years on SAF!
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My DD just met with hers she wrote in a letter and she said it was very helpful.
 
Oh dear, don't quit, not during BEAST. Quit after if he's sure it's not for him but the mental stress of BEAST puts the new cadets in a mental space where they really aren't capable of making life changing decisions - this is why they make leaving a process. Here is a little list that I foudn and shared with my son last year when he did BEAST.
  • 99% of the new cadets will be pushed beyond their comfort zone in some area. It will be emotionally and physically stressing.
  • show up physically and mentally prepared for a long summer and do not "sweat" the small stuff. You are going to fail everyday and that’s ok.
  • It’s normal to feel isolated and lonely. You won’t be talking much!
  • It will be over - take it one day at a time. Once it’s over you won’t have to do it again!
  • The mental stuff is the most important. You can make it through anything physically, and those who aren't in great shape yet will get there. The stuff in your head can hit a lot harder, especially for those in an unfamiliar environment for the first time.
  • If that's too much, one day at a time. When that gets tough, focus on making it to the next meal. Those three meals a day become your respite.
  • 6 weeks is not a long time
  • Concentrate on one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Survive and push on. Mealtime along with the religious services we help you mentally.
  • and lastly Remembering this is what got me through some days -
  • 1. They can't kill you. 2. They can't stop the clock.
 
702mom said:
My DD just met with hers she wrote in a letter and she said it was very helpful.
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She is going to do great! Reinforce how proud you are of her, and that she uses all the resources available to her!!!
 
somuchbetterthanme said:
I got the
" I don't want to be in the military mom, I'm sorry" message via letter.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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Hang in there. Jack's Valley is just around the corner and that is a turning point for many. Change of scenery, routine, time to really be with their fellow cadets (my DS told me in the beginning they really aren't able to talk to each other so while it's a shared experience - socializing isn't permitted) and even the relationship with their cadre starts to shift a little at Jack's Valley. For our DS Jack's was a game changer.

In the long run there will be more "big shifts" like A-Day and Recognition. USAFA isn't for everyone but know that the experience, in many respects, will continue to evolve.
 
Precise101 said:
Oh dear, don't quit, not during BEAST. Quit after if he's sure it's not for him but the mental stress of BEAST puts the new cadets in a mental space where they really aren't capable of making life changing decisions - this is why they make leaving a process. Here is a little list that I foudn and shared with my son last year when he did BEAST.
  • 1. They can't kill you. 2. They can't stop the clock.
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That is too funny. I think I have heard part of that before. Oh yea, I told my DS repeatedly the first part. I even mentioned it in my reply. Looking forward to our call in the morning.
 
somuchbetterthanme said:
I got the
" I don't want to be in the military mom, I'm sorry" message via letter.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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She may in fact quit. It happens.

And it’s not the end of the world if she does so. She will just end up going to school and doing well elsewhere. And maybe she will be a lot happier.

But a letter takes a few days to arrive she should be better ( the same or worse) today.
 
somuchbetterthanme said:
Hi

Asking for help. I received the dreaded letter from my cadet saying that he is very close to quitting.
I gave him all the positives, stick with it etc. and I can only pray that he is feeling better each day. I know it is a moment in time but it still is hard nonetheless. He said he is speaking to everyone he can , has spoken with the chaplain and is going to church. Of course, there was no phone call yesterday. I'm considering cancelling my VRBO for parents weekend as I don't want to lose the money.
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I'm hoping your DS has not DORed. Also hoping you get to speak to him and coach him tomorrow. All the best!
 
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