Kicked out Academically after 1st semester. A cautionary tale.

[daavve]

Hi all,

I resigned pending academic dis-enrollment after completing the first semester of my Doolie year. My goal sharing my story isn't to complain, but rather to serve as a cautionary tale for anyone finding themselves on Academic Probation.

I entered Cadet Squadron 28 as a 4-dig immediately after BCT for class year 2008. I joined the Drum & Bugle corps and did my best to balance Military, Academics, and my club activities. I tried to do it all, but immediately discovered there "weren't enough hours in the day". I sacrificed sleep and attempted to push through (1st mistake).

After failing my 3rd consecutive knowledge-test I received counseling that I "had to improve". Instead of trying different study strategies I allocated more time to the same ineffective study technique (starting at the paper, & rehearsing the knowledge from memory). I was struggling academically, but since I wasn't failing academically at the time I sacrificed academic time to study knowledge-tests, and slept even less. (2nd mistake).

My mid-semester GPA was 1.9, which put my on ac-pro. I missed my Squadron ac-pro meeting. I did not learn what happened at the meeting, I did not learn my responsibilities on ac-pro. I did not even attempt to fill out a form-68 since I didn't learn about it. By now I'd failed about 7 out of 8 knowledge tests, and was feeling the pressure from all sides. My AOC basically ordered me to go to MH for counseling, which helped me feel less depressed. My AMT began threatening to kick me out of the Air Force because he said I was lazy and insubordinate. I did begin going weekly for tutoring at the Academic Success Center. (3rd & 4th mistake)

Here's where I really screwed up. I completely lost sight of the big picture. I remained hyper-focused on the Knowledge-tests. I spent even more time studying for k-tests, and kept failing. I lost even more sleep. I did EI with my Calculus teacher exactly 1 time, but for the most part I kept to myself. I maintained the same unsuccessful strategies that got me into this mess. I kept doing the Drum & Bugle Corps because it was the one place I didn't feel like a dismal failure. I eventually fell so far behind in my classes that I began failing many quizzes and tests. By the end of the Semester I had a 0.8 GPA with 4 failed classes, 1 C and 1 D. I also was on Recondo because I failed my PFT, and had a low MPA from all the failed knowledge tests. (4th & 5th mistake)

I got the notified of pending dis-enrollment after winter break. I met with my AOC. He told me I had a right to appeal. However, my dis-enrollment was basically guaranteed because of my low GPA, PEA & MPA. He said at least 1 bright point was needed to avoid a dis-enrollment decision and my record lacked any bright points. I decided to resign because I could think of no realistic or compelling strategy to climb out of my hole. After my resignation I returned to my previous rank and AFSC ( I was prior enlisted). Ultimately I learned from my failure and succeed on the enlisted side as an Aircraft Mechanic, and later Maintenance Supervisor. After I left the Military I earned a Master's Degree in Computer Science and now work as a Software Engineer.

I would have done the following things differently:

1) I would have applied to the Prep School directly instead of the Academy. (LEAD program)
2) I would have improved my time management. (Both in scheduling and recording my time)
3) I would have studied more effectively. I'm an audio learner. So I would have recorded myself reading the knowledge and listened to myself with headphones while doing PT. (Mult-task). Also would have shared my audio files with other 4-digs. Also would have made flash-cards. Improved knowledge scores and even if I kept failing I could have proved I was trying. Wouldn't have spent so much time on knowledge that it risked my GPA or cut into my sleep.
4) I would have spent PE time doing strength exercises more and running less. I was already good on the AFT. Maybe start a 4-dig club where we do a fake PFT once a week.
5) Would have used EI starting day 1. Would have utilized success center & writing center starting day 1.
6) Once on ac-pro could have attended Squadron ac-pro meeting. Would have completed form-68 and would have documented my schedule and EVERYTHING I did to improve. Would have dropped the Drum & Bugle Corps. (Can always come back once I'm no longer on ac-pro).

Bottom line: I failed because in my immaturity I expected other people to save me. I expected the upperclassmen, or my teachers, or my classmates to step in and save me from myself. I expected someone to sit me down and teach me study skills, or time-management, or memorization techniques. Ultimately nobody saved me and I failed to save myself.

Last point: I later got diagnosed with a Non-Verbal Learning Disability, ADHD (non-hyperactive type), Autistic Spectrum Disorder, & Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I also struggle with co-dependency issues. Before USAFA I knew something was wrong, but I always used the excuse "I'm just eccentric". Failing at the Academy forced me to take a hard look at myself, get help, and begin the long hard process of healing and self-improvement.

 

[justme]

Thanks for sharing. I can see the progression clearly with each of your actions/inactions with the gift of hindsight. I hope it helps folks identify where they are on the path at an early enough point to adjust correctly. Good luck with your software career. Sounds promising.

Your last point hits close to home. One of my kids could easily be diagnosed with all those, and has for one. It is difficult as a parent to defend the "laziness", because adhd (inactive type) is practically impossible to comprehend for most teachers or parents.

 

[daavve]

Thank for your the support justme. I feel that my "laziness" at the time was largely a reflection of my anxiety disorder. I became extremely fearful about my poor grades. Doing the homework reminded me of my poor performance, and increased my anxiety to the point where I could not longer focus. In this way my fear of failure made the failure I feared even more likely.

Most of the people who tried to help me at the Academy(including my therapist) told me I was lazy and that I needed to try harder. Unfortunately, anxiety has a rebound effect where the harder I pushed the more overwhelming my anxiety became.

From an outside perspective I'm certain that I appeared lazy and indifferent to consequences. I certainly acted exactly like a lazy Cadet.

After 15 years and about 5 therapists I discovered that the root of my "laziness" was the refusal to confront my own anxiety. My entire life I always pushed anxiety out of my mind the instant I began to feel uncomfortable. That act of pushing the anxiety away actually caused my uncomfortable feelings to grow and gain power over me. I would then avoid the activity or work that caused the the anxiety until I regained equilibrium. Unfortunately, this avoidance strategy hurt me and everyone who depended on me. This bewildered my supervisors because I would alternate between performance and sloth.

I eventually learned that to manage anxiety I needed to ACCEPT THAT ANXIETY IS HAPPENING and let that anxiety wash over me like a wave. The better I became at this strategy of accepting my anxiety the less often I needed the pause from work. The more productive and less "lazy" I became.

For me accommodations of my go-fast / go-slow style of learning only postponed my day of reckoning till I got to my Master's Thesis. During my Thesis I became "frozen" for nearly a year until I finally asked my therapist for the specific help I needed.

 

[HOPE0204]

Thanks @daavve for sharing. My DD is going through this now. This post is so old not sure you are still on the site, but if so, I apprecate the post. Anyone who gets into UUSAFA is not lazy!

 

[shiner]

@daavve - thanks for sharing. Your post echos what many of us have experienced and shared. I think your cautionary tale reinforces the key suggestions provided to applicants and current students. I would summarize them as:

1) Sleep is required and not something one can continue to steal from to throw at other tasks.
2) You cannot dig yourself out of the hole by throwing more time at it. Doing the same things will net the same result. Doing more of the same things will still net the same result. Recognize when a strategy or tactic are not working and be willing to pivot.
3) Tools are available, but you have to engage and consume them - the safety net only works if you swim towards it and do not expect others to swarm you.
4) Joining clubs can provide a safe haven in a world of chaos. As a 4*, it is easy to believe you are not good at anything. The minute you can find community and feel a sense of accomplishment - that emotionally feels amazing and I 100% understand why you would not want to step away from that when it is the only thing that is working in the moment. The time commitment tradeoff is where it can get you in trouble.